Gordon Newfeld and his theory of affection

Human psychology is a huge dungeon of secret desires, fears and affections. Each individual is a closed book that opens only with the right approach and skill. Human reactions are very multifaceted and diverse, he can experience the same feeling in different ways. The duality of human nature shows the depth and immensity of the soul.

Acquaintance with the author

Gordon Newfeld is a Canadian psychologist, PhD, and developmentist. He became famous thanks to his book, co-written with Gabor Mate, “Do not miss your children.” To date, this book is very popular throughout the world, as evidenced by its translation into 10 languages. The scientist was born in 1947 in Vancouver. He is a resident of Canada and has 5 happy children.

gordon newfeld

Introduction to Theory

So what made Gordon Newfeld so famous? The theory of attachment was developed by him only a few years ago, and now it helps every second parent. The author went to his conclusions for a long 40 years. He studied a great many works of the greatest minds of mankind, which tried to answer a single question: "How to maximize the human potential?" The scientist combined all knowledge to see a holistic picture that would include the theory of development and attachment. Understanding that not all countries have a sufficient theoretical base, the scientist presents the theory in a simple and accessible language for all. Gordon Newfeld is a Canadian psychologist who created a real guide to parent-child relationships. It is his work that is most often called when it comes to books for young parents.

Newfeld's Theory

Gordon Newfeld developed a theory of attachment, which consists of 6 levels. He also introduced the concept of psychological polarization, which explains feelings such as shyness and alienation. An important feature of the Newfeld model is that it is unique, as it can be used by children and adults, both at home and at work (or at school).

Gordon Newfeld in Moscow

What is attachment? Attachment is a willingness to completely depend. In the case of a child, this willingness stems from the nature of the baby, who from birth is completely dependent on the parent. 6 Ways to Feel Affection from G. Newfeld:

  1. Feel.
  2. Similarity.
  3. Devotion.
  4. The pursuit of significance.
  5. Feelings.
  6. The desire to be known.

Let's consider each of these points in more detail. Feeling is the most necessary thing for a child. He needs his mother, like in the air. The first months of communication are completely based on feelings during breastfeeding, hugs, kisses. Each baby is very important to smell the mother, hear her, see. It is scientifically proven that, without receiving enough attention or being completely deprived of it, the baby receives serious stress, which is transferred at a subconscious level to adulthood.

Similarity develops in the child a little later. This happens at the age when he begins to walk. Then the baby is overcome by a strong desire to do everything exactly the same as mother. During this period, the baby very much imitates the behavior of their parents, trying to become as similar to them as possible.

Belonging and devotion is characterized by the fact that the baby wants to know that he belongs to his parents. He shows loyalty to them, tries to be obedient. In addition, he shows a sense of ownership, making it clear to everyone around that this is his mom and his dad.

The next point is very important - the desire to be meaningful. This is one of the strongest conscious human aspirations that remain for life. That is why children, even in adulthood, try to please their parents, to show that they have achieved goals and anticipated their expectations. This item should be especially carefully considered by all parents who tend to vigorously express their criticism and disapproval. It should be understood that the kid can remember all the words said for life.

The fifth way to feel attachment is feelings. Feelings - this is a huge emotional ball that has a significant impact on life. Having a strong emotional connection with parents, the child will easily survive a long separation from them.

gordon newfeld attachment theory

The sixth stage of attachment is very important. The desire to be known implies that the child wants to trust someone, to tell their fears, experiences and secret emotions. Sharing the innermost is very important for the baby, because through this he feels that he is not alone. At the same time, one important understanding is formed, which is that you are loved and accepted.

Affection for children

Gordon Newfeld, whose books are read all over the world, is trying to convey the basic idea of ​​what is the role of attachment in everyday life. In general, attachment is not the best feeling, because sometimes it can push people to silly, rash acts. Most often, the relationship "man - woman" is implied. In the case of “child - parents”, it takes on a completely different shade.

For the child, this is a basic need that guarantees safety. Without a sense of security, full development is simply not possible. Proper attachment to parents is necessary in order for the child to gradually transform into an adult independent personality.

gordon newfeld books

Affection for Parents

Speaking of children's psychology, Gordon Newfeld explains six levels of affection as a fundamental and indispensable experience for each child. Only after going through all the stages, the baby will be formed into a self-sufficient person. And yet, why is Newfeld's book so popular? The answer is quite simple: she talks not only about children, but also about parents. What makes parenting important? The thing is that it allows you to turn education into a pleasant and calm process that does not require nerves and constant tension. Correct dependence forms harmonious relations on both sides. The child himself wants to obey and help mom or dad. Only when the baby respects his parent, trusts him and seeks to be like, is the correct education possible. Understanding this comes when a person realizes that proper education is not a set of methods and techniques, but relationships.

The origins of the theory

Gordon Newfeld constructed his theory based on the general theory of attachment - a psychological model that describes the dynamics of long and short relationships between people. Moreover, the author does not set the task of completely explaining the contacts between people, but only touches on some individual points. Attachment in many respects depends on how inclined a person is to develop trusting relationships with himself and others.

The main idea of ​​this theory is that in order to build harmonious relationships with other people in the future, a child needs to have trust in at least one adult. He “uses” such a person as a foundation and protection for exploring the world around him. It is also worth understanding all the difficulties of communication between parents and children. It is known that their communication is only 50% mutual, as adults can misunderstand the child, get tired or distracted. Gordon Newfeld built his theory based on that.

gordon newfeld don't miss your children

John Bowlby

John Bowlby is an English psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. He is also rightfully considered the founder of the theory of attachment. He devoted his entire professional life to the study of the role of the family in the life of a child. The author studied and simulated many cases of separation of parents and children, observing the emotional reactions of both sides. This made it possible to create a broad theoretical base. It was he who formulated the basic idea that a child needs dependence on an adult who cares about him for the full development of physical and mental qualities.

Do not miss your children

Also, a Canadian psychologist published a book, the name of which we assigned to this paragraph. What is this book about? Gordon Newfeld "Do not miss your children" devoted to the psychology of the relationship between parents and children. The author talks about how important it is to find a common language with a child from an early age in order to avoid a huge number of difficulties and problems in the future. The root of the relationship "children - parents" is how the baby perceives his dad or mother. If there is no respect and trust, then no unique methods of upbringing will work simply because the baby will be closed from them, adults will not be able to “reach out” to him. What else does Gordon Newfeld advise you to pay attention to? “Do not miss your children” is a work in which the author emphasizes that it is very important to catch the right moment in order to create a certain image in the child’s head. Correct posing of oneself as an educator will help to create an understanding and harmonious relationship.

book gordon newfeld don't miss your children

Gordon Newfeld Institute

The scientist opened his own institute in Vancouver. The school specializes in helping professionals and parents. Gordon Newfeld and his colleagues developed educational differentiated programs that will help them better understand themselves, the world around them and their children. The institute also offers a variety of courses, seminars and presentations that will introduce a person to theoretical and practical foundations. Recently, they began to release video courses of lectures by Gordon Newfeld. This allows everyone to get acquainted with the work of a psychologist and to delve into the scientist's program. The audience has expanded markedly after this innovation, as online education occupies a leading position in many countries. You can find G. Newfeld's courses on online education sites. Teaching is conducted in many languages: Hebrew, Swedish, Russian, French, German and English.

Russian public

Gordon Newfeld recently presented his book in Moscow. He also held an open lecture, during which he spoke about the main provisions of his theory. It is noteworthy that this topic is of great interest to the Russian public. After visiting the capital, the author consolidated his position in the market. Informal communication was very warm, as visitors constantly asked burning questions, which the author gladly answered. This event perfectly demonstrates the attitude of the modern generation to their children, which cannot but rejoice.

Gordon Newfeld Institute


Gordon Newfeld is surrounded by a huge number of positive reviews and warm feedback that he receives from all over the world. Grateful parents fill the psychologist with letters with words of happiness. The author himself says that the flow of questions does not decrease. Perhaps this will lead to the fact that Gordon Newfeld will write another book in which he will cover all unresolved topics.

Source: https://habr.com/ru/post/A10598/

All Articles