It is believed that treason is as terrible as death. With her arrival, the best feelings die: trust, openness, devotion. In most cases, they leave forever, and it is impossible to resurrect them, like a dead body. Trust becomes an especially bitter, irrevocable loss. And without it, it is simply impossible to continue a full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, this is not understood by those who decide that treason for treason is the best option for punishing a traitor. In the heat of emotion, rash decisions are often made that exacerbate an already difficult situation.
Treason for treason. Satisfaction or fair punishment?
So is it worth it or not to become like the one who first committed treason and betrayal? Absolutely all experts in the field of interpersonal relations, as well as psychologists say that - no.
Why, in their opinion, treason for treason is unacceptable in a relationship, even if it has already been mowed down by such a terrible thing as betrayal? Because it is a dead end road, a road to nowhere. Indeed, in essence, it is a question of revenge, which is rightly associated with the pit, which, first of all, the avenger digs for himself. Interestingly, almost all people after such an act of retaliation did not feel the long-awaited relief and even regretted their deeds.
Cheated on wife
Such things often happen in our time. Although earlier treason was the "prerogative" exclusively of men. Sexual freedom, broken stereotypes and discarded cliches have led to the fact that female adultery has become as "normal" as the phenomenon of men.
So, an unpleasant thing happens in the family: the spouse learns that the wife is cheating on him or cheated on him once. It is known that men perceive the fact of such betrayal more sharply, since their pride and male ego are affected. Events develop after that for everyone in different ways. One collects things and leaves the house or exposes a traitor from it. Another threatens to file for divorce, the third may forgive (this is also not uncommon). There is another category of deceived husbands - those who decide on revenge. That is - treason for treason. In their opinion, this is fair and puts both sides of the conflict on equal footing - no one feels hurt and humiliated.
With whom they will cheat on his wife - this is not so important. The main thing is for the wife to know about the act of revenge, to make her suffer and suffer, as was the case with him, her husband. Often, such husbands choose friends, sisters, or acquaintances common with the spouse to make her even more painful.
Punished for treason
So the husband explains his act to himself, to friends or to his wife, if by that time they still maintain a relationship. Although very often after such events it is simply impossible to stay together.
And what do men feel? Do they feel satisfaction and relief? Many of them admit that they did not get what they went for. On the contrary, after the perfect act they were tormented by conscience, there was a feeling of disgust. But the feelings of humiliation and insults from the betrayal of the spouse did not disappear anywhere ... But after all, it is necessary to somehow punish the wife for treason? Punishment can be only one - this is forgiveness.
It so happened in our society that male polygamy is a normal and acceptable phenomenon for all its representatives. The fact that a married man is cheating is normal, some even approve of adultery. We will not talk about cases when a spouse lives a “double” life: has a “parallel” family or constant lovers. Here, there can be no talk of any love and devotion to a legitimate spouse, as well as other human feelings.
It so happened that the wife found out about her husband’s infidelity. This could happen by chance or he himself admitted it. Much depends on how the fact of betrayal became known to the wife. For example, if the husband tried to conceal everything and not let his wife know about his adventures, then he most likely was afraid to upset her, to anger her. In a word, he didn’t want to hurt her.
Another thing is if the traitor decided to admit everything himself. This means that he either wants to part with his wife, or acts as an honest man and values the relationship with his wife very much. After all, he understands that between two loving people there can be no secrets and lies.
Cheating on her husband or not?
Do not do this either regardless of with whom and why the spouse has changed. The offended woman is capable of much because of her emotionality, but this will not be a solution to the problem.
Wife avenges treason, deciding to do the same. This for her is an excuse for the act, because in its significance and content it will be equivalent to what the husband did. What does a woman decide? She can offer sex to someone from friends, colleagues or even a stranger, whom she will specially meet on the eve at the bar. Yes, she will receive her compensation and, perhaps, she will feel pride in having avenged treason. But such an act will never bring moral and spiritual satisfaction.
Why do we want revenge
People who have survived the shock of betrayal do not know how to behave in such a situation. It's just that no one ever prepares for this in advance - everyone hopes that this bitter cup of their blowjob.
When betrayal collapses and simply destroys life, very few people imagine what needs to be done. After all, you need to somehow live on, go to work, eat and sleep, and finally, just exist. They turn on the protective mechanism from those processes that began to occur in their reality, which radically changed with the advent of treason.
Therefore, many deceived people and decide that the best way out of this situation for them would be a "reciprocal" betrayal. This is not even decided by them, not their consciousness and mind, which are simply “disconnected” during a period of a special emotional state. At the moment, completely different mechanisms of the human psyche operate.
We can say that at this moment they do not know what they are doing. Humiliated by betrayal, the most disgusting scenes of betraying his other half with another or the other are drawn in his head. In order to fence himself off and defend himself against this nightmare, the psyche helpfully offers him the only "right" way out - to avenge his husband or wife for treason.
Betrayal and forgiveness are compatible things
You can forgive an unfaithful spouse or spouse if before that there was love, sincere feelings of affection and trust between these people. The fact is that treason is treason. Someone will say that in the presence of such emotions, betrayal is basically impossible, but it is not. Everyone wants to live happily and die on the same day, but we are real people who are sometimes weak.
But it may be such that the spouse succumbed to the charms of an obsessive colleague, a friend who had long had her views on him. In addition, “trips to the left” often occur under the influence of alcohol, on business trips (away from home), at corporate parties. But this will not make the husband love his wife less - it just happened, and he will curse himself for it. Of course, in this case, answering cheating for cheating on her husband will be a huge mistake, as this can lead to the death of relations and family.
After all, the husband sincerely repents of the "done", he is sure that this will never happen again and that adultery was a fatal mistake and an accident. If he still asks for forgiveness for treason, then definitely revenge is impossible. If the wife goes for it, then the spouses are unlikely to be able to maintain their relationship.
Where revenge leads, or what comes in return
As mentioned above, sex with another partner, used as revenge for the betrayal of a loved one, brings nothing but devastation, self-loathing and a feeling of emptiness. This is especially acute for women who decide to take such a step.
Statistics and various studies state the fact that almost all families break up after one of the spouses decides to cheat in order to avenge their violated feelings. When he betrayed one, then the other and both of them still have a chance to fix everything - to figure out who is to blame for what and how to behave further to everyone, so that this does not happen again.
Otherwise, it will be almost impossible to stop the destruction. Of course, there are couples who, after mutual betrayal, did not break off relations and continued to live on, but there are very few of them. Typically, such people do not have a shared future. This is the price of treason.
So is it worth taking revenge on a loved one for treason?
It’s not even worth it because it is simply unprofitable emotionally. After all, a person who has been betrayed has a moral right and an advantage over a traitor. That, in turn, in order to maintain relations and family, will do everything to satisfy them. In other words, it will "atone for guilt." These are gifts and flowers for no reason, trips, invitations to the restaurant and, most importantly, a lot of attention and care. A man deprives himself of this all if he decides to take revenge and do the same as his second half. Firstly, he puts himself on a par with him (that is, it turns out that he is not better than him), and secondly, he deprives himself of the above advantages. But most importantly, it destroys the chance to save the family: after all, where both are changing, its existence is simply impossible.
You can forgive treason
Many ask whether it is possible and necessary to forgive deception and treachery? Definitely yes, if there is a will and desire. You should never ruin a relationship if there is at least some small chance of saving them. No wonder they say that breaking is easy, and building a new one is much more difficult.
The only thing that can be done is to understand and forgive, however hard it may be. Perhaps not even right away, and then when the pain is too acute, it will go away or become a little dull. Psychologists advise that you do not need to forgive quickly, even after such words: "I'm sorry for treason." The infidel (or infidel) must suffer in order to realize the value of forgiveness. Otherwise, when he gets it easily, it will depreciate and it is not surprising that he will change over and over again. Forgiven for the first time so easily and quickly, maybe it will cost a second time?
Of course, there are families that have experienced such situations in life. Forgiveness and, most importantly, the ban on raising and recalling this topic in the future helped them maintain their relationship. People agree to forget about everything and live on. And they live so happily for more than one year. True, studies show that no one can completely forget this story. It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to see a person who has betrayed you every day and at the same time try to rebuild your relationship.
Love forgives everything
It is impossible to avenge a betrayal for a loved one just because he is a loved one. The words "betrayal", "revenge" are things incompatible with a feeling of love. It is impossible to hurt someone who is dear and who is loved. They say that when you love, you can forgive everything. And this is true, because the very realization of the loss of a dear person is much worse than his betrayal, deception and treachery.
If you can’t forgive, it’s better to disperse. And without tantrums and scandals, and with a proudly raised head. And to “run away” to someone else’s bed in order to get compensation for the injury you just didn’t need: you don’t get your loved one back, but self-esteem can be lost forever. Is it worth it? Still, everyone decides for himself.