A strong couple relationship can overcome many obstacles. But when the wife was unfaithful, and the husband found out about the betrayal, a real catastrophe brews in the family, the consequences of which can be irreversible and even lead to divorce. To understand how to build a relationship after what happened, you need to understand the causes of betrayal and develop an action plan, following which the spouses will be able to return trust and love to their family.
Reasons for female infidelity
Sometimes it happens that the husband found out about the betrayal of his wife, and she herself still can not understand why she did this. If you were unfaithful, you probably feel bewildered, ashamed, and guilty. To put your thoughts in order a bit, you first need to get acquainted with the most common causes of female adultery and decide what made you do this.
A woman should always feel loved and desired. Ladies just need to get all the attention of their spouses. If the husband found out about the betrayal and only then, for the first time in a long time, decided to talk with his wife, it is not surprising that she was not faithful to him. If the spouse does not communicate with her beloved, does not compliment or even ignores her presence, sooner or later the woman will decide to seek attention on the side.
Sometimes a girl falls in love with a good, kind guy, but after many years of living together she realizes that he is not decisive and courageous. She still feels love and warmth for him, but wants to feel a fragile, weak woman next to a courageous, strong partner, and, ultimately, not waiting for changes, finds him on the side.
Women can change because they are lonely. If the husband is constantly traveling, often goes to meet friends or works from morning to night, his wife will feel abandoned and will seek solace in the arms of another man. Therefore, the situation when the husband found out about cheating after a long business trip is often found in family relationships.
If a man was once unfaithful to his wife, she can answer him in the same way to survive the shock, drown out the pain and resentment. Or she deliberately acts to take revenge on her husband with his own weapons.
Contrary to popular belief, women pay great attention to intimate life and want sex no less than men. If the husband does not satisfy the needs of his partner, sooner or later she will want to get what she wants, even with the help of another man.
The most obvious, but no less common reason for adultery is the banal desire to find another man. The woman feels that these relationships no longer give her what she wanted, but is in no hurry to interrupt them, fearing to be alone. Then she starts dating another man until she decides with whom to stay. And it can take a lot of time to make this decision.
Does my husband need to know about treason?
Feeling guilty oppresses and changes a person not for the better. If you were unfaithful to your spouse, and now you don’t know whether to tell him about it, listen to your feelings.
When you understand that what happened was a mistake and this will not happen again, you can try to make amends without telling your husband about the betrayal. Become a more attentive wife, take care and delight your man every day. When enough time has passed, you will begin to feel better and, possibly, forget about treason as a nightmare.
Do not let your husband know about the betrayal - the advice of a psychologist on the topic of adultery speaks about this. But, hiding the fact of infidelity, you run the risk of falling for lies or, ultimately, finding out that your husband has been up to date all this time and has been waiting for recognition from you. Also, guilty feelings will not go anywhere, and you will mentally return time after time to a situation that will not only spoil your nerves, but will sooner or later betray you.
How to talk about treason?
Sooner or later, you will realize that the husband found out about the betrayal. What to do in such a situation depends on what kind of reaction the spouse had. If you know for sure that he is aware of your mistake, but does not show, you should immediately tell about what happened, and not wait until he starts the conversation himself. Otherwise, he will finally lose all confidence in you and will only become more angry.
Do not talk about infidelity when quarreling with a partner. It is impossible for the husband to learn about treason when the situation is already tense. These words can break out in a fit of anger, but this will be inappropriate, since the man is already angry, and his reaction may be most unpredictable. Prepare him for the conversation and warn that you are going to provide information that will disappoint and anger him.
Do not blame her husband for what happened
When the husband found out about the betrayal of his wife, he is shocked, angry and can experience many negative emotions right away. But the most common of these is severe sadness. He worries, thinks what to do, and begins to search for a cause in himself. Do not blame your husband for your betrayal, because only you are to blame for what happened. Let him know that the fault lies on your shoulders, and he is only a victim of circumstances, even if the reason was his cold attitude or lack of attention to your person. You can make out all the possible reasons for betrayal when the experiences subside a little. Do not blame the husband, so as not to drive him into even greater depression, otherwise he will withdraw into himself and certainly will not go into dialogue.
Calm down and stop the panic
The best advice if the husband finds out about the betrayal is the recommendation to pull yourself together and calm down. The situation will be already tense to the limit, and your screams or crying sobbing will only make your emotions even stronger and, possibly, make a man angry. Calm down, because you already made a mistake, and now the most important thing is to solve the problem, not self-flagellation and tantrums. Tell the man how sorry you are and try not to say something that could make him angry. Carefully choose the words and do everything that helps to defuse the situation a little.
Consider what happened separately
When the husband found out about his wife’s infidelity, advice to establish communication is very useful, but do not try to talk about the problem right away. First you need to think about what happened and do it better separately. If you sit in one room or even a common apartment, you will have to see each other, speak on emotions that will only fuel the anger and resentment of her husband. Let him go if he wants to, and let him think about what happened in a more relaxed atmosphere.
Tell us about the reasons.
When the husband has calmed down and is ready for dialogue, it's time to explain. Sit down and talk about how he feels, don't rush things. If the husband will scream and insult you, show understanding, because he is offended and feels betrayed. Do not try to defend your innocence where it does not exist, but still tell us about the reasons that made you do just that. Perhaps he will not agree with them, but you will still be heard, and your husband will not have to think over and torment yourself with thoughts about why you cheated on him.
Do not pretend that there was nothing
Even if the husband says that he has forgiven you, there is no need to try to pretend that there has never been a problem. You can depict the former harmony in the family as much as you like, but you cannot return the past. It’s important to understand that betrayal entails trust issues that can take years to resolve. It is not necessary to constantly look guilty and remind the man how wrong you were by cheating on him. But trying to build relationships in one day is also not worth it. Get used to the fact that now you and your husband have new relationships that may even become stronger than the past.
Destroy everything that connects you with what happened
First of all, you need to understand that there is a big difference between acknowledging the fact of treason and the story with all the details. Do not drag your husband into this, do not talk about what happened in full detail. Try to hide everything that can remind him of what happened.
Delete all correspondence, phone calls, voice messages - everything that connected you with another man. If he gave you gifts, throw them away immediately. Your partner will react painfully to anything that reminds him of your infidelity.
If your spouse found out about your betrayal, but you still continue to build relationships, it will not be easy to make contact. To regain harmony and trust in the family again, you need to use every opportunity.
Do not refuse the help of a specialist. A qualified family psychologist probably often encounters such situations in his professional practice. Make an appointment with your spouse. In the specialist’s office you can talk about your feelings to a third, disinterested person, and solve a problem that oppresses you. If your husband does not agree to go to a family psychologist, you can seek help yourself. They will tell you how to cope with guilt and what to do in order to establish communication with your spouse.
Keep your family affairs a secret from others
Once you tell your friends about what happened, you will once and for all ruin your opinion of yourself. A man in love can forgive his other half for many things, since he cannot let her go and is ready to make concessions. But the people around you will see only the fact of treason and will judge your relationship, relying only on it. Also, your mutual friends will surely come back to this topic to find out if you managed to overcome the difficulty. This will be painful for both you and your husband, who will never be able to forget infidelity, thanks to constant reminders.
If you tell even your best friend that your husband left after learning about my betrayal, she only hears that you are to blame and can turn her back on you. Feeling guilty is already difficult to bear, and losing the support of loved ones in such a situation will be even more difficult.
What to do if the husband filed for divorce after the betrayal?
If it so happens that upon learning of infidelity, the husband immediately filed for divorce, no need to panic. Convincing him will be difficult enough, but you can still fix it if you act correctly.
When the husband found out about the betrayal, divorce is the first thing that comes to his mind. Tell him that you do not want to give up after the first difficulty, even if it was your fault. Invite your husband to try to fight for your relationship and give the following arguments:
- It was an isolated case that will never happen again.
- You can’t cross out all the good that was between you because of one mistake.
- Your joint income is higher and your living is more convenient.
- Children, if any, will experience pain in family discord and less likely to see their father.
Get ready for the hardships
When you find a way out of this situation and decide to save the family, the problem does not become resolved. You will have to deal with the consequences of your misconduct for a long time to come. Most likely the man will not trust you and will suspect a repeat of treason. Do not try to prove to him the opposite in words and resent the fact that he controls you. Do not give a reason to doubt your loyalty, report on where you are going and with whom. If you promised to return at a certain time, do not be late so that he does not worry.
If the husband found out about the betrayal, what to do in this situation is definitely not worth it? Repeat your mistake. Let him believe in you again and build a relationship, returning love and understanding to the family.