Adolescence can rightly be attributed to the most difficult periods of development. Many parents worry that the child's character deteriorates, and he will never be the same. Any changes seem global and catastrophic. This period of reason is considered one of the most difficult in the development of man. It is at the age of 14-16 that the time of rapid development of the personality begins, priorities, views, beliefs change, an individual worldview is formed.
This period also usually accounts for the first love, which leaves a significant mark for life. Gaining the experience of living feelings for the opposite sex, a person becomes stronger, learns to take full responsibility for his life.
Relationship with parents
Father and mother for a child are significant figures. They not only transmit knowledge about the world, but also teach the most important things that become necessary in everyday life. What can a psychologist tell parents of a teenager? Let's try to figure it out.
Psychological feature of a teenager
Parents of teenage children must be prepared for the fact that their beloved child will at some point begin to demonstrate their character. The transition period is characterized by several manifestations that do not always turn out to be to the liking of others. In children aged 13-15, so-called protest behavior is often observed. They strive to do everything in defiance only in order not to meet the expectations of an adult. Working with parents of adolescents just consists in trying to understand their child, and not condemn him for every fault.
You can not interfere with self-expression, the desire to know oneself. Otherwise, you can ruin your relationship with your son or daughter for a long time.
The need to defend one’s opinion
It is laid by nature itself. Without this, it is impossible to grow up, to feel like a truly significant person. If a teenager cannot learn how to defend his own position at one time, then he will start doing it later - at a young age. There are frequent cases when a young man or girl, entering into early adulthood, still has not solved their childhood problems. And then everyone had to suffer: themselves, the potential second half, and the entire inner circle. Personal dissatisfaction necessarily affects the ability to get along with people, provokes conflicts at work. Family life also often does not work out.
In most cases, an open collision cannot be avoided. The fact is that a teenager wants to get rid of adult hyper-custody, and a parent still often wants to control every step of his grown child. In the most general case, a number of conflict situations arise that significantly worsen relations.
Sense of unfulfillment
Often a teenager is bothered by the idea that he is not able to do what he wants. Indeed, in order to realize the cherished desires, money is needed, a clear understanding of how to act, what to direct your efforts to. It also does not hurt to have self-confidence in order not to turn off the intended path, not to stop in front of the difficulties that arise. The feeling of unfulfillment can pursue for a long time until an understanding of one's own value comes.
Desire for freedom
Recommendations to parents of a teenager basically come down to stopping to patronize their child in every possible way. Such behavior literally infuriates the child: he no longer wants to feel small so that important decisions are made for him.
The desire for freedom is so strong that a teenager is ready to go into open conflict, if only to learn to defend their own position. In fact, this is the only way to develop your point of view on any issue. After all, if you always and in everything strive to meet the expectations of others, it will be very difficult to achieve your own goal.
At some point, the teenager suddenly realizes that others have ceased to understand him. The fact is that he wants to feel confident in himself, but at the same time he is often afraid to find himself in a difficult situation from which he will not be able to find a way out on his own. The crisis of adolescence is experienced by many very rapidly. This is not accidental: the formation of personality cannot occur in greenhouse conditions.
Sense of adulthood
The need to recognize their uniqueness comes first among the adolescent. It seems to him that he knows everything and therefore must act independently, without asking the advice of elders. At the age of 14-16, few people think about the consequences of their actions.
A sense of maturity helps to form an adequate self-esteem, to determine your immediate goals, to begin to work for the future. With the right approach, you can build self-confidence, help the child become independent.
Depreciation and antagonism
Teenagers often behave extremely incorrectly. The thing is that they have not yet learned to control their behavior. After all, conflict resolution requires the individual to have a certain spiritual maturity, the ability to analyze the situation. What should parents of adolescents do if their child is completely out of control? First of all, patience and understanding are required. A grown child does not do well not out of harm, but simply because he cannot act otherwise. Antagonism and depreciation are necessary tools to discover their strengths and come to recognize their own uniqueness.
Psychologists advice on how to achieve mutual understanding
Very often, adults find that they cannot control the behavior of their grown child. The child suddenly begins to give out such unpredictable reactions that make the father and mother clutch their heads, constantly looking for new ways to solve the problem. Sometimes it can take years. Recommendations to parents of adolescents, as a rule, boil down to trying to find common ground with their child. What steps should be taken to do this?
It is necessary in the first place. This is something without which normal relations between parents and a child cannot develop. Advice for parents of adolescents primarily affects changes in behavior and perception. It is necessary to stop treating a grown-up son as a little one. You can’t tell your daughter that you forbid her to do anything. She may decide that you simply do not respect her opinions and do not want to accept him. Understanding is an extremely important thing. It does not form on its own if the teenager and parents do not begin to make certain efforts to this.
It is very important to strive to put yourself in the place of the opponent, to be able to penetrate his motives. Only in this case is there a possibility of harmonious coexistence. To enter into a confidential dialogue with a teenager, you need to try very hard. In most cases, children at this age become extremely wary, unsociable and suspicious.
The relationship of the teenager and the parents can undergo significant changes over time. In some periods, an increase in mutual understanding will be noted. At other intervals, on the contrary, anxiety and suspicion will increase. This is because the inner world of a boy or girl is extremely unstable. They are really worried about the changes that are taking place, they can be plunged into anxious thoughts for hours. A rare teenager is self-confident. That is why you should not rush to impose your opinion on him.
The relationship of the teenager and the parents largely depends on the wisdom of the latter. If adults can become best friends for their children and give some support, then the child will always share their thoughts and thoughts with them. It is very important in everything to try to emphasize your indifference and a genuine desire to help. When there are common interests, certain discoveries can be made. Only in this case, the teenager will try to share his feelings. When there are joint activities, it incredibly brings together, creates a feeling that you are not indifferent to your immediate environment.
Refusal of criticism
Very often, most parents make the same mistake - they try to reason with their children with harsh expressions. Of course, you need to warn against errors, but you must do this very carefully, trying not to hurt your identity. The teenager and parents often do not get along, this is not surprising. It is necessary to abandon criticism in order to be able to build relations in the future and bring them to a different level.
When we speak poorly about the interests of the child, do not accept his friends or the way of looking at the world, we infringe on him in some way. Sometimes the happiness of their child directly depends on the behavior of the parents of the teenager. It’s better to keep silent once again in order to try not to injure anything, not to offend a son or daughter.
It is imperative for adolescents to be respected, accepted as they really are. Trust is everything. The adoption of individuality is based on the fact that an adult refuses the idea of somehow remaking his child. If you analyze the situation, then this is a rather absurd idea. The teenager and parents often perceive each other as conflicting parties. No need to quarrel with a grown child, this will not lead to the establishment of understanding. Understand, he wants to be respected. The young man or girl is ready to seek disposition in all available ways.
You cannot act in a prescriptive way. A teenager is unlikely to want to obey you, because he has already formed his opinion on important issues. Those who are 14-17 years old want to consult with them. To bring up individuality in a person is generally not easy. For this, it is necessary to maintain independence in it, to approve useful undertakings that can lead to success. Parents should do this unobtrusively so as not to provoke the development of a protective reaction.
Although the teenager seeks to demonstrate his freedom in everything, in reality he still depends on adults. To learn how to be independent, it takes considerable effort. The parent should be ready to provide timely support, because it may be required at any moment. When a child knows that his problems are not indifferent to you, he will rather agree to accept help. But even in this case, it is recommended to act carefully so as not to inadvertently offend or cause additional suffering. The fact is that adolescents absolutely can not stand when they regret them. The grown-up child is afraid to seem weak, to bring on himself the condemnation of peers. For this reason, he will try to demonstrate his independence in everything.
Thus, raising a teenager is very difficult. Parents are required to observe a certain delicacy, to be responsible and considerate. You can’t just impose your will on your son or daughter, try to talk exactly with the little ones.