Speech is the main means of communication between people. But modern communication is not limited to the banal transfer of information. At the moment, communication has gained a lot of conventions and formalities and has turned into a real culture. Each person’s duty is to abide by the rules of dialogue.
Dialogue is a mutual communication, the meaning of which consists in alternate replicas of the interlocutors. The study of the rules for constructing a dialogue should begin with an analysis of its structure, which is shown in the table.
|Start of conversation|
- Clarification of the advisability of the conversation (for example: "Is it convenient for you to talk now?").
- Informal dialogue (establishing contact by talking on abstract topics that are not related to the main subject of the dispute).
- Scoring the purpose of the conversation
- Speaker's speech.
- The response of the interlocutor
- Final phrases signaling the end of the dialogue.
Laws of dialogue rhetoric
To understand what rules of dialogue should be tried, you need to study the basic laws of communication. This is what it is all about:
- The law of resistance to the new. Any non-standard idea that differs from the usual beliefs, as a rule, is perceived with hostility. Therefore, if you want to overcome the dispute as a winner, you must develop a clear and convincing system of argumentation. You should think over the reaction of the interlocutors to your speech in advance.
- The law of dialogical socialization. Its essence is that you must always answer the speaker. Even if at the moment you are busy or make a speech yourself, it’s worth it to distract yourself, listen to your opponent and give him an answer.
- The law of the boundary conditions of the invention. The classic rules of dialogue involve cultural and national traditions. The outcome of the conversation largely depends on compliance with the conditions of the rhetorical invention.
- The law of elimination of harm. Listening to the opinion of the interlocutor, you should think in advance what negative consequences the adoption of this point of view can lead to.
It would seem that it could be easier than a conversation between two people. Nevertheless, for communication to be productive, it is necessary to observe numerous rules for conducting dialogue. But, above all, the conditions must be met without which conversation is impossible. Namely:
- Mutual language. It is important that the interlocutors use the same verbal and non-verbal techniques. Otherwise, there will be confusion and misunderstanding, which can turn into a conflict.
- General subject of discussion. This is a set of issues on which a contradiction or agreement between the interlocutors may arise.
- Desire or need for communication. Between the interlocutors there must be an emotional and informational response.
- Cooperation. Participants in the dialogue should be able to listen to each other and give relevant answers to the questions posed.
- Liberty. Each of the sides of the dialogue is free in beliefs, statements and arguments. Nevertheless, physical or moral pressure, as well as threats and insults, are unacceptable.
The rules of dialogue in Russian and other languages of the world may differ slightly. However, there are general points that must be observed, regardless of where in the world you are:
- You need to listen more than talk. Speech "narcissism" is unacceptable. You must carefully listen and analyze the arguments of the interlocutor.
- Prepare a dialogue. Before you go to a meeting with an interlocutor, sketch out a sample conversation program and a list of questions that you plan to ask. If you roughly understand what your interlocutor will ask you, consider your answers.
- Speak in turn. Remember that in the dialogue the interlocutors are equal. Firstly, it is unacceptable to interrupt an opponent. Secondly, too long monologues are considered bad form.
- Think before you say something. Sometimes what seems to you a trifle can upset or offend the person you are talking to. Naturally, after this constructive dialogue will not work.
- Do not initiate interlocutors in your problems or joys. Your personal life should remain outside the office door (conference room, restaurant, and so on). It is also forbidden to ask the interlocutor questions of a personal nature.
The rules of dialogue can be detailed by putting forward certain requirements for its components. In particular, the question should correspond to the following parameters:
- The wording of the question should be concise and specific without complex grammatical constructions.
- The question should contain temporal, spatial and other parameters that must be taken into account when formulating the answer.
- It is unacceptable to use polysemantic words in questions without further explanation.
- It is unacceptable that the control questions follow immediately after the main ones.
- The question should indicate the possibility of alternative answers.
- The interrogative sentence should be formulated in the affirmative, and not in the negative form.
- It is unacceptable to get complex or emotionally tense questions at the beginning of the conversation. They must follow after installation.
- The wording of the question should take into account the personal experience of respondents in this particular industry.
- Related issues need to be combined into thematic blocks, and not to announce randomly. This can be confusing.
The rules of dialogue imply some requirements for answering the question. Here are the most significant points:
- The answer should be clear and unambiguous with a concise wording.
- The answer should reduce the uncertainty associated with the question, and not increase it. Otherwise, the dialogue will be meaningless and unproductive.
- If the question is posed incorrectly, the answer should contain an indication of this fact.
- The answer cannot be formulated in interrogative form.
How to win the verbal "fight"
One of the most respected publications on the rules of dialogue in the Russian language is Povarnin’s book “Dispute. On the theory and practice of the dispute ”(1918 release). It contains such recommendations for those who want to get out of the dispute as a winner:
- In a dispute, you need to be proactive (especially if it is you who set the topic for the conversation). It is important to be able to get the person you are talking to to argue about your scenario.
- Do not defend, but advance. Instead of passively answering questions of the interlocutor, ask questions yourself, forcing him to defend himself.
- Do not let your opponent evade evidence. Every thought should be reasoned, which can be achieved through criticism.
- Concentrate your activity on the weakest links in the opponent's argument system.
- To refute the arguments of the enemy, use his own tricks. They can be identified in the process of dialogue.
- Use the effect of surprise. For example, save the most important and unexpected arguments at the end of the argument.
- Take the floor at the end of the argument. After listening to the arguments of the opponent, you better formulate a speech.
Golden rules of dialogue in business communication
Success in the business world depends not only on your professional knowledge, but also on the ability to communicate with people. You can highlight the following golden rules of dialogue in business communication:
- Do not start a conversation with business matters. Start with a warm welcome and informal communication on abstract topics (weather, art, sports, and so on). Otherwise, you will automatically put yourself in the position of "asking", which will allow the opponent to dominate.
- Do not give advice if you are not asked about this. If you offer the interlocutor your own model for solving the problem, this can offend the interlocutor. He might think that you are downplaying his abilities.
- Do not ask direct inconvenient questions. If you still need this kind of information, go from far away so as not to put your opponent in an awkward position.
- Stimulate conversation activity. End each line with a question like “What do you think about this?”. This will avoid awkward silence. In addition, this will show respect for the opinion.
- Add some humor. If you feel that the atmosphere of dialogue is heating up, add a little wit to the conversation to give yourself and your opponent a break.
Public Speaking Rules
Sometimes you have to convey your point of view not only to the interlocutor, but to a large audience. In this case, you should familiarize yourself with the rules of dialogue in a public speech. Here are the main ones:
- Take care of your looks. Before you start listening to the report, the audience will pay attention to how you look. Therefore, your appearance should be neat and fully appropriate to the situation. This is especially important if you are not representing yourself personally, but an entire organization.
- Speak to the point. Empty talk and lyrical digressions are unacceptable. Firstly, they annoy the audience, and secondly, they distract the attention of the audience from the main problem.
- Respect the listener. With all your appearance you should radiate goodwill. Also, do not impose your opinion on the audience, considering it the only correct one.
- Provide information available. Speak in simple language, not overloaded with special terms.
- Be confident. A trembling voice, inappropriate gestures and other signs of excitement will not inspire confidence in the audience.
- Do not use long complex phrases. The optimal length of a sentence is no more than thirteen words.
- Do not delay the performance. As practice shows, even the most skilled speaker cannot hold the attention of an audience for more than 15-20 minutes. Try to keep fit at this time.
Rules for dialogue in a conflict situation
Unfortunately, the conversation is not always held in partner and friendly colors. When tension arises between opponents, it becomes more difficult to observe the rules of etiquette, a dialogue can develop into a conflict. To avoid trouble, follow these rules:
- Give your opponent the option to "blow off steam." If you feel that the interlocutor is tense, do not interrupt him, let me speak. This will help restore the peaceful tone of dialogue.
- Do not confuse facts with emotions. Clearly substantiate all your claims based on objective data. In no case do not get personal.
- Answer aggression in the opposite way. If your partner is furious, do not answer him the same. Better politely sympathize with his troubles or ask for advice.
- Try to conclude the dispute peacefully. Even if you are at the peak of emotional stress, do not scream, do not be rude, and do not slam the door. So you will have more chances for a constructive continuation of the conversation after a while.
- Do not make a claim personally to the interlocutor. It is acceptable to express dissatisfaction with the current situation, but not the opponent.
Features of conducting scientific discussion
The rules for conducting a scientific dialogue are somewhat different from small talk or business conversation. Here are some recommendations to follow in this case:
- Before you engage in a scientific discussion, consider whether you really have something to say. There is no point in repeating well-known facts.
- Speak only on the merits. Do not try to increase the competitiveness of your hypothesis by hitting the opponent’s personality or refuting his opinion.
- Speak constructively. Ideally, each statement should be supported by real examples or references to the work of authoritative researchers.
A little more about the art of communication
Compliance with the rules of constructive dialogue allows you to build productive relationships with opponents. To always win a dispute, use some of the subtleties of the art of communication:
- Take a break. Do not try to give out all the information in one gulp. Divide your speech into semantic blocks between which make short pauses. This is necessary so that the interlocutor has time to perceive the information.
- Put yourself in the place of the opponent. When planning your speech, think about whether your interlocutor will understand what exactly you want to convey to him.
- Give preference to live communication. Try to avoid addressing serious issues by phone, video, or chat.
- Use unobtrusive gestures. Thanks to this opponent it will be more interesting to listen to you, he will better perceive the information. But talking to the immobilized "statue" is completely uninteresting.
- Watch the tone. The volume of the voice should be such that the interlocutor does not have to listen. At the same time, do not shout too much so that the opponent does not perceive this as aggression.
- Do not be afraid to ask again. If you do not understand something or do not hear, do not hesitate to ask to clarify this point. If this is not done, there may be confusion that will greatly complicate the achievement of mutual understanding.
- The style of speech should be appropriate for the place. In business and social talk, it is unacceptable to use household jargon. At the same time, it is bad form to use specific terms or ornate speech constructions in an informal conversation.
- Make eye contact. If you look around and not in the eyes of the interlocutor, the atmosphere will not become trusting.
- Call a person by name. This bribes him and makes you take your side.
- Be yourself. Do not renounce your image in order to please the person you are talking to.
We discussed some recommendations for proper dialogue.