The problem of understanding between children and parents has been acute at all times. Contradictions are exacerbated when children reach adolescence. The advice of teachers and psychologists will tell you what to do if your parents do not understand you.
The main causes of misunderstanding
"Why don't parents understand me?" - This is one of the burning issues that most teens face. Here are the key reasons for this situation:
- Growing up. As the child grows, his character traits are more distinctly formed, his temperament becomes brighter.
- "Strange" hobbies. Most parents have a conservative outlook on life. Therefore, they cannot accept the beliefs and passions that are characteristic of modern adolescents.
- Authoritarianism. Pressure and commanding tone can affect young children. But in teens, this style of communication causes resistance and rebellion.
- Denial of children's problems. Adults mistakenly believe that children's problems are far-fetched and insignificant. In some cases, this is true. But adolescents acutely perceive what is happening, therefore, such manifestations cannot be ignored.
- Lack of communication. Unfortunately, modern children and parents too rarely speak heart to heart.
What should a teenager do?
What to do if your parents do not understand you? There is no universal solution. There are only such tips:
- Communication analysis. If something does not work out in the relationship with the parents, you need to scroll a couple of problematic moments in your head. In what tone is the dialogue taking place? Perhaps you yourself are closing off from your parents?
- Ability to ask for advice. Be that as it may, parents are much more experienced than their children and more soberly look at some things. Therefore, do not hesitate to consult. You are not required to be guided by the recommendations of the parents, but this will help to establish contact.
- Make a compromise. If you want to get something from your parents, be prepared for the fact that you will need returns. For example, in exchange for permission to go on an excursion with friends, you will tidy up your home or write a control letter perfectly.
How to talk with parents
What to do if your parents do not understand you? You need to learn to talk to them. Here are the basic rules for a productive conversation:
- Decide what exactly you want to get from the conversation. Perhaps you want to get permission or to convey your point of view on some issue. Or maybe you just want to talk heart to heart.
- Choose the right moment to talk. It is important that all participants in the conversation be in a calm, friendly mood and have enough time. It is best to choose a joint trip or a walk, a family meal for conversation.
- Listen to your parents. They will certainly have their own opinion on the topic of conversation. Let them speak out.
- Introduce the problem to your parents. It is important not just to put them before the fact (for example, about the appearance of a guy / girl), but to provide complete information (what kind of person this is, where you met, what positive qualities he has).
- Tell the truth. Sooner or later a lie will be revealed, which can lead to an even deeper misunderstanding.
Problems of parenting: a cheat sheet for parents
Parents do not understand teenagers, forgetting that they themselves went through all the difficulties of the transition period. Here are the main points that characterize this age:
- Distorted perception of reality. Minor things seem vital to children, while significant ones seem insignificant.
- Idols. In adolescence, children often have role models (singers, actors or older comrades), but they are not always positive.
- Sharp mood swings. This is due to hormonal instability characteristic of puberty.
- Excessive material requirements. In adolescence, children are especially sensitive to issues related to image. They want to dress beautifully, have modern gadgets, which is not always affordable for parents.
Teen Education Tips
“Parents do not understand me,” - this is the conclusion that many teenagers come to. If you do not want your child to encounter a similar problem, follow these recommendations:
- Do not criticize. If you think that your child is behaving incorrectly, you need to explain your position and give an opportunity to speak to a teenager.
- Do not consider age to be your advantage. This is not at all a sign of exceptional correctness. Sometimes children are wiser than adults.
- Do not get annoyed over the little things. Children are still provocateurs. To be an authority on a teenager, radiate calm and confidence.
- Do not impose your opinion. Try to find a way out of the situation together.
- Keep promises. If you throw words to the wind, you will not establish a trusting relationship with the child.
Example No. 1: parents are not allowed to walk late
Parenting in different families is not the same. Someone can safely walk almost until midnight, and someone must be at 22:00 in bed. What to do if your parents do not understand you in this matter? Just put yourself in their place. Night time is unsafe, and on television they constantly talk about incidents with teenagers. In addition, for normal development and productive study you need a full sleep.
To reach a compromise, try to negotiate with your parents about extending the time of walks on the weekend. Introduce them to your friends, tell about your plans. Well, of course, make it a rule to constantly call your parents, informing you of your location so that they do not worry.
Example No. 2: parents are forced to help around the house
"What if my parents don't understand me?" - that’s the question most teens ask daily. For example, adults try to attract children to their homework (cleaning, washing, cooking). And here the truth is on the side of the parents. If you think that household chores are not your responsibility, then you cannot yet be considered an adult. Each family member should take part in creating comfortable living conditions. In addition, your help is very important for mom and dad.
Example No. 3: parents scolded for poor performance
Not so often you can meet understanding parents and children. Different generations are characterized by conflicts. In particular, the reason is study. Children are scolded for poor performance. Parents can understand. They want their children to always be ahead, that they have a bright future, for which they need a good education.
If you study poorly not because of laziness, but because the subject is not given to you, talk to your parents about it, explain everything in detail. You may need additional tutoring. Another option is to please parents with success in other subjects, to explain that you want to connect your future life with this area.