Relationships are tricky. Someone manages to build and maintain them, but for someone this does not work out. And if women are mostly constant in their choice, then men often have this dilemma: I am married, but fell in love with another. What to do in such a situation?
What is missing in a marriage?
Men are complex creatures. Their behavior is often incomprehensible to the fair sex. And men themselves sometimes can not answer the question of why married people fall in love with others. There are four main reasons that more often than others are the cause of the breakdown of long-term relationships.
- Lack of freedom. A man must understand that he is free to make any decisions. But sometimes the restrictions that impose on the behavior of a married man of a spouse become unthinkable. If a wife forbids her husband to spend time with friends, go to his parents or go fishing, then it is not surprising that such bans will be annoying.
- Loss of confidence. A young man can find a mistress in protest. For example, if a wife engenders jealousy in a man, a representative of the stronger sex may respond in the same way. He will not figure out if his wife has an affair on the side. He will make himself a mistress and will be comforted by the thought that the lawful wife is also cheating on him.
- Lack of love. Men need tenderness and affection. Even those individuals who look brutal and say that they can safely do without calf tenderness will not mind receiving all sorts of signs of attention from their other half.
- Lack of respect. The stronger sex wants to be an authority for their wife. If a girl stops asking her husband for advice and begins to make all decisions herself, then male self-esteem will soon be infringed.
Divergence of interests
What is the most common cause of marriage breakdowns? Men leave the family when they feel that they have outgrown their wife. How is it that a husband develops and a wife stalls in one place? When people get married, they have approximately the same potential. How to dispose of it, each person decides for himself. A man can build a career, while a woman will devote all her free time to home improvement and raising a child. After 3-5 years, a moral abyss forms between the spouses. The husband will become a successful businessman who spends a lot of time at work, and in his free time he wants to go out. The wife will not be able to accompany the man, as her level of intelligence, to put it mildly, will not reach the level of her husband. A man will be ashamed of his wife, and in time he will simply stop going to social events with her. The young man will soon find a girl who will suit him more than his wife. So the standard male situation will turn out: I am married, but fell in love with another.
Did not walk up
Another reason young guys have lovers for themselves is because of the elementary unsaturation of life. A person who married in college and did not have much experience communicating with the opposite sex will be very inexperienced. His first love is his wife. After a few years of marriage, the young man begins to think whether he did the right thing, that he married the first girl he liked. Thoughts that the ladies around him, for example, colleagues, are better than a legal spouse, will not let you sleep. If a man’s life is not eventful, then such thoughts will lead to a situation where only one phrase can be said: I am married, but fell in love with another.
Youth makes a man commit rash acts and try what is prohibited. Cheating on a husband who is 20-22 years old is much more likely than cheating on a man who is 30 years old.
New emotions
Of course, it is impossible to say with certainty that only young husbands are cheating. Men who have been married for more than 15 years can also commit adultery. Why does a married man fall in love with another? If a person’s life is too calm and monotonous, it will quickly bore him. Anyone wants everyday life to be like a holiday, not a groundhog day. Changing life is fundamentally a difficult task. Not every person can handle it. Have to break yourself and get out of your comfort zone. But everyone can change some part of life and bring new impressions to it. Some men find a vent in having a lover. A young girl is different from her wife. She looks at the man with adoration, does everything that is asked of her, and with pleasure prepares for every date. Such meetings are exciting, they diversify gray everyday life. A man has a double life, and this requires a lot of mental concentration. We have to come up with excuses, think about how to find money to support the family and lovers. Of course, an affair on the side will not bring lasting pleasure, but in the moment she can make life brighter.
Sort yourself out
A married man fell in love with another woman, what should he do first? Understand themselves. A person must be aware of any act, thought or feeling. To say that love has settled in the heart involuntarily is to lie to yourself. A man cannot fall in love with another woman if he sincerely loves his wife. If a friendly feeling for a colleague or girlfriend has grown into something more, then you need to find problems in relations with your wife. A woman may be less attractive in appearance or she may not pay due attention to a man. You should understand what exactly in the current family situation should be changed. Leaving your wife right away is not a good idea. Think about whether you can fix things. But do not throw the burden of your problems on fragile female shoulders. First decide what you say to your wife. Submit her substantiated claims. But remember that you are not an angel either. You can’t blame your wife for all the troubles that have befallen your family. Understand yourself, think about what you can do in order to build relationships and bring them the old fire.
Talk to your wife
When you have done your inner work and realized what exactly you want to receive from this life, you can talk with your ex-lover. Tell your wife that you have cooled down to her, and immediately state the reasons why you do not feel the past closeness. But do not make your monologue completely blaming. Say that not one individual is to blame for any relationship, but both. Tell us about your failures and what you are not doing so that love lives in your family. Let your wife speak. She also has her own opinion on what is happening in your relationship. When one person cools to another, it is impossible not to notice. Should I tell my wife about my lover? Take your time with the events. First, listen to what your wife thinks about marriage. If she, like you, thinks that love is dead, then say that you need to leave and remain friends. If a woman does not want to let you go and says she loves, think, maybe it is worth reviving what once glowed with a bright flame?
Can a married man fall in love with another? Such situations are not unique, so the question can be answered in the affirmative. Do not torment yourself with thoughts about whether you feel love for a new girlfriend or is it something more. Talk with your wife, clarify the situation and draw conclusions based on the dialogue.
Will the wife forgive treason?
Have you heard from anyone the phrase: I am married, but fell in love with another? When a similar situation happens with friends, you can look at them with condemnation. And if something like this happened to you? How to understand your feelings? A man must understand a simple fact: if he tells his wife about his mistress, he hurts the feelings of a loved one and will forever lose the woman's confidence. You can forgive treason, but you can’t forget about it. Relations before treason and after will be dramatically different. A woman will no longer be able to trust her husband, even if, in the end, he chooses her. Why? A man will think as follows: well, if she once forgave, then she will forgive again. Therefore, it should be understood that adultery leaves a scar on a woman’s heart. Well, you should also remember one wisdom: if you choose between me and someone, choose not me. If you truly loved, you would have no doubt.
Should I stay married for children?
The man fell in love with another girl, and he is married, but he can not leave the family, since he has children. Is it worth staying with an unloved woman just for the sake of a child? No, not worth it. If the only thing that keeps you in the family is children, then leave safely. The child needs both parents, but more than that, he needs a normal atmosphere of love and care. If the house has eternal scandals and skirmishes between adults, the child will not benefit. It’s better to see dad temporarily, but live in an atmosphere of calm and understanding. Throwing a child is difficult, it is more difficult to leave several children. But people are selfish, and that’s normal. Children will not appreciate your sacrifice. They will not say thanks. You set the level of the norm. Therefore, do not wait for gratitude that you will endure your unloved wife and live for the sake of your beloved children.
See a therapist
Is a married man in love with another woman? Psychology will help solve many problems. See your family therapist. A specialist will help you understand yourself and find out the true reasons for the breakup of the marriage. You can observe only the consequences, while the causes can be lost in the abyss of time or successfully forgotten under the influx of new problems. It is possible, but very difficult to solve the problem, directly being its participant. If you don’t want to spend a lot of time studying psychoanalysis, and then dig deeper into your soul, do not waste money on a good specialist.
Leaving go
Married but in love with another? What to do in this situation. If you have analyzed the situation and made a decision to leave, do not delay its execution. It will be more and more difficult to leave every day. You will hesitate, the wife will put pressure on pity, the child will buzz. As a result, you succumb to persuasion and remain in the place where you feel bad. Doing so is not worth it. If you decide to leave, leave. But remember that back doors will be closed. You cannot return. Trust will be undermined even if you manage to restore the relationship. The wife’s relatives will look at you askance and communicate with coldness. So think twice before making a fateful decision to leave.