An unexpected parting with loved ones always turns life upside down, causing great suffering. Probably, every person at least once in his life parted with a soul mate, a true friend. And it’s good if this happened by mutual agreement, when both partners just cooled off to each other, friendly relations came to naught, feelings burned out. However, it often happens that only one partner decides on a break and puts the second before the fact. This sudden decision can cause shock, resentment and pain, fear and many other negative emotions. What to do if you are abandoned? How to relieve mental pain, return to normal again? We propose to talk about all this today.
Allow yourself to burn
Of course, someone can say that sadness because of what happened is stupid and ridiculous. However, psychologists adhere to a different policy: allow yourself to indulge for some time, cry along, beat a pillow, swallow a glass of vodka in one gulp or enjoy a glass of fine wine. Be sure to tell about the incident to someone who is in your difficult life period in this difficult life period. Think about how much you were together. If possible, try to calculate the exact number of days, hours, minutes. After that, calculate 10% of all this time. Psychologists say: this is how much you can allow yourself to remember your former partner every 2 minutes, sob, reviewing the pictures in which you are together, bury your nose in dresses or shirts hanging lonely in a closet, carefully sort out gifts. In addition, the implementation of mathematical operations in the mind will allow you to escape at least for a while.
Write a letter
Parting is an extremely painful and unpleasant process. Of course, both you and your partner managed to say a lot in a farewell conversation, but you are unlikely to have time to say everything. There are many more things that you want to explain and express. What to do if you are abandoned? In a crisis situation, psychotherapists recommend keeping a diary on the pages of which you can throw out all your negative emotions, instead of storing them in yourself.
Another great option: compose a letter to the person who left you. Address to him by name, express everything that is painful. You can resent and blame, tell us everything that you did not have time to say at the time of the last meeting. If you are angry, tell about it, if you are sorry - just ask for forgiveness. After that, the letter should be burned. This method will get rid of the negative. The fact is that if you do not transmit and throw out negative emotions anywhere, they will pull you back for a long time.
Give yourself time
The most difficult part in the process of separation is not that a person is left alone with himself, but that he is surrounded by happy, shared memories. Each object in the house, a tree on the street, lampposts and benches remind you of joint walks and the time you spent together. Enormous pain, as psychologists say, is that there are memories, but the subject of memories is not nearby. What to do if the wife abandoned or the husband left, reporting that he was leaving you forever? It is useless to do anything with this pain. You just need to live it, but for this, of course, it will take time. So give it to yourself - as much as you need. Of course, you will be rushed by various thoughts, stereotypes and fears. It may seem that you urgently need to find someone else, because time is passing, you need to start a family so that you do not remain alone in old age. Banish these thoughts. Everything has its time, and now is the time to let go of an unstable relationship.
Let yourself live
What to do if you are abandoned? In order to move on, you need to forgive and release the former lover. Of course, it may seem that this is logical and simple, but to do it in real life is incredibly difficult. This will require a lot of time and mental strength. If for some reason you are not ready to forgive the person who left you, try not to at least look back. In no case do not go to the pages of your former partner in social networks, do not read his tweets, do not view photos on Instagram. The fact is that all these actions make you continue to participate in the life of this person, mentally staying close to him. Of course, to some extent, this helps to cope with stress, but soon it will just pull you back. What to do if you are abandoned? Stop clinging to the past and live your life. Think of the present.
Change your course of action
What to do if a husband or wife abandoned, how to stop living in the past, while feeling the oppressive pain of happy memories? Psychologists advise filling your present with new acquaintances, bright events. Of course, for this you will need to change the usual way of life, and possibly the environment. Do what you have never done before: jump with a parachute, go to a creative master class, go to the martial arts section or to a dance studio. To expand your world will help new emotions and impressions. In addition, you will be captivated by communication with new people!
Get your own ritual
What to do if a beloved boyfriend abandoned or an adorable girl left? Psychologists advise to think over the scenario of parting with their past. There is only one rule: you can do what you want. For example, decide for yourself that you can cry only if you are dressed in your own hand sewn silk pea pajamas, no other just suits you. Or maybe for melancholy and sadness you need batiste shawls with embroidery depicting hummingbirds. Do not deny yourself anything, buy the necessary fabric, needles and threads, work! Only an agreement: all the tears - then, when the work is completed.
Find someone to talk to
What to do if you were abandoned, but you want to tell the whole world about it? Of course, you can share heartbreaking stories with friends and girlfriends, however, it is possible that after that they will leave you. It is best to start a thread on some forum where there are likely to be people who want to support and regret you. In addition, as experts in the field of relations note, writing your problem means taking the first step towards solving it.
But with relatives and friends it is better not to share the intimate details of your quarrels and the end of the relationship. Even if they ask you for details. A neutral wording is suitable, for example, "we broke up" or "we decided not to be together anymore." Do not specify who was the initiator of the gap. What if you were abandoned, and those especially sympathetic are sighing heavily, sentencing sympathetically “oh you poor thing”? The classic answer is: “it is still unknown which of us was out of luck”, “but now I am open for the future and for new relationships” and “another question is which of the two of us needs to be sorry”.
Do charity work
Try on the role of a volunteer, try to do charity work. Just look around: you will see a huge number of people and animals who are currently experiencing a number of difficulties. In order to feel strong and fit, help those who are weaker. As they say, do good and throw it into the water. And with it it is worth throwing out heavy thoughts from your head!
Friends abandoned
All the events that happen to a person throughout his life, allow him to collect invaluable experience. That is why, talking about what to do if you were abandoned by friends, psychologists advise you to analyze everything that you do. Perhaps in the fact that everyone turns away from a person, there is a fraction of his guilt. For example, if only one acquaintance speaks about any of your shortcomings, you can argue with him. However, if everyone around is in solidarity with him, you should think about it. Think about your behavior, try to find the reason why you are negative. Start working on yourself. You can search for this and the positive side. Firstly, you can become better, and secondly, this is a great occasion to meet new interesting people.
The mistress is gone
Everything was stable and very comfortable, and then the mistress quit? What to do in such a situation? The first feeling that usually appears in a man is a desire to return everything as it was. This is not surprising, because the best moments from the time that you spent together appear in your memory. In addition, it is extremely difficult to imagine the beloved in the arms of another man. The first thing to do is figure out the reasons for the breakup. There may be several options. For example, she was looking for benefits for herself, of course, financial. That is, she did not need your relationship, rather, it was in the wallet. Continuing such a relationship, psychologists say, should not be, because the appetites will only increase, sooner or later you simply can not give her what is needed. Another reason may be that the girl was looking for a husband. Yes, of course, you are married, but for a long time there was a hope in her heart that she could surprise you, become something more. Realizing that this dream remains a fantasy, the girl decided to go to the one who will fulfill her desire. What to do in this situation?
If you want to return the mistress, try to promise her a wedding, but in the event that this will remain only in words, your truce will not last long. Another option is to start admiring again or open your wallet wider. And also, experts in the field of family relations say, the fact that the lover is gone is a great way to strengthen your own family! Remember how much good has been done with your wife. Try to calm down, stay alone by yourself, understand the values and what is important to you in your life. Try to recreate the sense of novelty that has so long gone out of your relationship with your legitimate soul mate.