Living together is never easy. Almost always, it is associated with certain difficulties, barriers and compromises. Moreover, with all this, one of the parties necessarily sacrifices something. If one of the partners in the marriage runs out of patience, at the same time, the desire to seek a compromise disappears. As a result, the couple parted. However, each of the partners carries the situation differently. Sometimes this happens without a trace, but more often the former spouses completely change their whole life after a divorce. How hard is it to recover from a breakup? And what is the life of a divorced woman?
Difficult but tolerant
No one says that life after a divorce from a husband will be easy and carefree. Probably, it is only in films and female series that everything is joyful and beautiful. In reality, everything is much more prosaic. A divorced woman will face household difficulties.
This is especially not easy to do when the spouse was the main breadwinner in the family. After parting, more and more questions arise, where to get money, what to do, etc. At the same time, everything gets worse when there are children in the family. In this case, mother’s shoulders also take care of them. And when all these problems fall upon a woman, she can fall into a brutal depression. But how to avoid this?
The first psychological self-help
As practice shows, after parting, many women need a kind of rehabilitation. You need an elementary rest, during which you can soberly assess the situation, weigh the pros and cons. In this case, you should not keep everything in yourself. Let the emotions come out.
If you feel sad, be sad for health. I want to cry, beg. However, do not blame yourself. Consider divorce as a fait accompli. Draw certain conclusions and that’s all. Remember that life after a divorce does not end. Everything that does not kill us tempers us. Therefore, do not reproach yourself and live on. You will now have a family experience. And this means that you will have an advantage over the beginning of the following relationship.
“Keep your tail with your gun and nose up”
The problem of many divorced women is associated with reduced self-esteem. After the divorce, they begin to blame themselves. In particular, many argue that the cause of the destroyed relationship lies precisely in them. Moreover, the man himself adds fuel to the fire. Often, leaving home, he throws a rather banal, but very offensive phrase, something like: "Yes, who will need you." If there are children, such a spouse can emphasize that nobody will need her with them all the more. And, of course, these words get stuck in the head for a long time. It becomes painful and insulting. Your self-esteem is rapidly falling, and life after a divorce becomes unbearable.
To avoid this, forget about an unpleasant conversation with your husband. Yes, it is not easy, but you will have to do it. In this case, your task is to increase your self-esteem. To do this, do fitness, change your hair and image, change your wardrobe, sign up for any interesting courses that you never had time for, etc. Do not be afraid to change something. All changes are for the better.
A change of scenery is always good
When finances allow, it will be useful to change your place of residence or at least the situation. To do this, you can go out with friends to a picnic, go with children to their parents, to the cottage, go on vacation on a tourist package, etc.
Sometimes you can even change jobs. By the way, this may even be the first step to developing your new relationship. Get a dog or cat. Start jogging in the morning. Walk more and breathe air. Drive negative thoughts from yourself and tune exclusively for good. You will still have it. And very soon this “good” will happen.
“Remember everything, or How to return to the past”
Restoring your life after a divorce from your husband will be much easier if you recall your past hobbies. Remember what you did and what you were before the marriage. Restore your previous habits and hobbies. Many of them, as a rule, have to be abandoned for the good of the family. Now you are free to choose what and how to spend your time. Use it to the maximum.
Debriefing: feelings and cold calculation
Life after a divorce will become much brighter and happier if you manage to sort out your feelings. To do this, sit or lie down comfortably. You can close your eyes and put your favorite music. Now think about what you are experiencing at the moment. Is it true that you still love your ex-spouse or you have any other feelings for him. If necessary, do not keep everything to yourself. Seek help from a psychologist or just speak out and cry on your girlfriend’s shoulder. The main thing is not to become isolated in yourself.
Do not indulge in all serious
As many connoisseurs of female psychology say, many women try to attract the attention of their ex-husband and "go to great lengths." They plunge headlong into a new, often worthless relationship, in order to avenge their former spouse. But this is not worth doing.
Remember that a new life after a divorce should start from scratch. Revenge or any other concept that is currently operated by desperate divorced women again leads you to a previous relationship. So why do you need the approval or anger of an ex-husband?
Forget about him. He, and with him the former you, are in the past. Do not ted him. On the contrary, build your new future. And this means that your new relationship should not be spontaneous. Approach them with a sober and bright head. Otherwise, you simply slide into the abyss of endless unnecessary relationships that will finally break your heart.
Down with clichés and stereotypes
Personal life after a divorce should not be limited to random or even dubious relationships. Think about how it should be - your ideal man. At the same time, boldly go for experiments and destroy stereotypes.
Remember which men you like most often. Try to get the attention of men whose character has never attracted you. For example, you always liked modest and well-read men, turn your eyes to the arrogant and self-confident. Try on the role of a fatal seducer or a stunning blonde. Let it be different this time. This is just a small list of tips on how to start life after a divorce. Move on.
Financial and paper issues on the agenda
Very often, the role of the family financier and accountant goes to the husband. He not only makes money, but also distributes finances and monitors the complete workflow in the family circle.
After the divorce, this position remains vacant. Therefore, you have to take it. And this means that you need to learn how to earn and correctly plan your finances. You should also learn how to keep accounts and monitor the timely payment of utilities and other services.
In this case, it does not depend on whether you got a divorce after a year of marriage, or if you have lived a longer marriage. Financial issues fall on your shoulders. Therefore, do not hesitate to contact parents and relatives for help. They will certainly prompt and help with advice.
Listen to the inner self
According to psychologists, after parting, you must learn to listen to yourself. Now you will have a lot of time to satisfy your needs and search for yourself. Yes Yes. After a hard separation, many people awaken in themselves unprecedented before this ability. Some begin to write poetry and are fond of poetry, while others draw real masterpieces.
Listen to your inner creativity. Maybe some abilities will open in you too. And a person who is keen on any occupation is always in the center of public attention.
Everything old is down
When parting, you may well have common things, gifts, and just objects that will cause associations with your former life. According to psychologists, one should get rid of all these things without regret. Otherwise, you will never start your new life from scratch. Things from the past will follow you everywhere and will not allow a new relationship to arise. Cut this thread that ties these memory things to your ex-spouse.
“Good friends, goodbye!”
Another point that you should not forget about after a divorce is the presence of mutual friends. In order to finally break the connection with the former spouse, say goodbye to mutual friends. On the one hand, you let go of the past and will no longer remember your ex-husband, and on the other, get rid of the details of his personal life, which will certainly begin after breaking up with you.
Freedom to the subconscious and thoughts!
Release the past. You will not return it. Therefore, you should not review those films and series that you once watched with your loved one. No need to go to the same places. On the contrary, rid yourself of sentimental memories and purify your consciousness.
Life after a divorce
It sometimes happens that even after a divorce, former spouses are forced to live together. Most often this is due to the presence of a common living space. The complexity of such a relationship lies in the fact that both spouses continue to perceive each other as a family. And even if you are officially divorced, it’s very difficult to reconfigure mentally to change relationships.
Under such circumstances, the best option would be to sell the apartment and divide the money equally. And then each of the former spouses will go their own way. This is ideal. But very often the division of real estate develops into perennial litigation. This is exhausting not only financially, but also psychologically.
It is better to resolve such issues by mutual agreement. A common apartment or house is your shared past. And the sooner you get rid of it, the easier it will be to start a new life after a divorce from a child or several children.
When children remain after a divorce
It is much easier to recover from a divorce and start living anew if you had no children in your marriage. Much more complicated is the situation with them. Adult children understand what is happening, and experience no less than adults. Therefore, like the parents themselves, they need support, care and guardianship.
Sometimes the marriage ends amicably. This is exactly what happened with the famous young actress Maria Kulikova. Her life after the divorce did not actually change. After breaking up with actor Denis Matrosov, they still had a common son. However, the actress herself says that he did not feel much difference. And all because because of the specifics of his acting career, both parents were often on the move. So, at a common dining table they met extremely rarely.
After the divorce, Kulikova’s personal life also did not need special adjustments. According to the main character of the series “Two Fates”, she managed to stay with her former spouse as friends. He fully supports her. It helps financially and often stays with the child when the "star" mother goes to the next shoot.
In a word, both spouses respond extremely positively about each other. Despite the divorce, they maintain a good relationship and do not interfere with building new ones.
If a divorce has occurred in your life, do not panic. Release the past. Make a compromise and, if possible, part amicably. This will save you money, nerves and allow you to start a new, possibly happier life.