Living in marriage, couples are faced with a huge number of different situations that, to one degree or another, bring them together or, on the contrary, repel each other. However, it happens that there is a peak point, after which one of the partners can make a decision: “That's it, I'm leaving, finally and irrevocably!”. If a woman hears such words, her world may collapse right away. She begins to get lost in thoughts, try to scandalize, prove to her man that love and happiness can be returned, etc. But often all attempts remain in vain.
The article will help to figure out what to do if the husband wants to get a divorce, and also because of what it usually happens and whether it can be kept. Further in the article it will be possible to find the advice of psychologists who can help any woman in resolving such a difficult life situation.
"Why does the husband want to divorce me?": The main reasons
It doesn’t matter what decision was made after the husband announced his decision to break off relations - to try to save the family or to break up, you need to understand why this happened. In the first case, this will help to understand and correct their mistakes, and in the second, to draw conclusions that will help in the future.
According to psychologists, it’s hard for any person to admit their mistakes, but it is absolutely necessary to do this, otherwise you should not try to blame your husband or anyone else that the family is destroyed. However, it is also impossible to take all the blame for the problems that arose. It is important to objectively assess the situation.
So, why does a husband want to get a divorce, and which women do men leave?
It often happens that a woman sacrifices herself for her beloved and children. She comes home from work, takes care of the kitchen, chastises household members, erases, irones, cleans, but in the end she falls down on the sofa and spends the rest of her free time so that she won’t at least think about what is happening around ( watching TV, computer, knitting, etc.). This picture is familiar to many women.
Often it is excessive sacrifice that causes the husband to leave the family. If you look at this picture with his eyes, you can see the cleaned apartment, cooked dinner, well-groomed children and a tired wife. The psychology of men is arranged a little differently, and they are rarely ready to put themselves in the shoes of their companions in order to understand how hard their daily work can be, which is generally normal. By their nature, men are creatures for whom external victories are important (successful career, superiority over others, etc.). That is why everyday life is of least interest to them.
So, the woman’s misunderstanding of these points leads to the fact that over the years luggage of grievances against his spouse has accumulated, and he, in turn, sincerely does not understand why respect for him disappears, and warmth and affection are replaced by reproaches and scandals. In the end, the man gets tired, begins to look for love affairs on the side, or simply decides to leave (in order to avoid a constant feeling of psychological discomfort). But what if the husband wants to get a divorce because of this? The answer to this question will be presented below.
There are, of course, other reasons why a husband decides to leave. Another common problem is boredom. When people come together and begin to live together, over time they become “read books” for each other, they cease to be embarrassed of each other in matters both domestic and natural, as well as moral and spiritual. Therefore, initially every woman should remember this and be for her spouse not just a person with whom you can share bed, lunch, etc., but also remain a person, albeit in some places even mysterious.
You can name a lot of everyday situations that can lead to parting with a man, but the easiest way to reduce them to a common denominator. So, the psychological reasons for divorce may be as follows:
- loss of feelings, irritation;
- difference in outlook on life;
- distrust or jealousy;
- sexual incompatibility.
First reaction
As a rule, it is difficult for women to react correctly to the fact that the husband wants to get a divorce. You can only prepare yourself for this if a conversation on this topic is highly anticipated, which is rare.
Even if a woman noticed something was wrong with her man’s behavior, the words “I’m leaving you” will sound like thunder from a clear sky, and it is simply impossible to rehearse the reaction in advance.
In any case, the most correct decision in such a situation is to behave calmly. It is better to postpone serious conversations a bit, while agreeing to discuss this a bit later. In response, a woman can say: "I need to be alone, let's talk a little later." Such a pause will help give yourself time to understand the situation and think through your next steps. It is extremely important to note that such an adequate reaction can contribute to the fact that it will be possible to maintain family relationships.
For example, if a husband says that he wants to get a divorce, and in response he hears: “Well, go ahead, I can live without you!”, Of course, a conflict could flare up, and he would not take these words in the best way. However, in fact, behind these words is a request for help, but it is difficult for a man to understand this. Subsequently, if a woman wishes to stop her husband and maintain a relationship, she will be very sorry that she chased him away, accused him and made a hysteria. Therefore, the best first reaction is a request for a pause in order to put everything on the shelves and tune in to a serious, and most importantly, constructive conversation.
Talking to yourself, or what to do next ...
First of all, you need to give yourself a little time to realize what is happening, and only after that you must accept that the old relationship is over. At this point, various ideas may come to mind that encourage the implementation of any nonsense, which often boils down to two things: arouse pity and revenge. It is important to keep yourself in control and not go on about your own emotions, as their consequences can become irreversible.
No, not to the relationship as a whole, but to that before. If a man announced a divorce, it means that he has reached a boiling point and made a decision for himself, which means that for some time something did not suit him. Therefore, it doesn’t matter whether the family is saved or if you still have to leave, you need to understand what led to the crisis. Sometimes only at this moment a woman begins to understand what she did wrong before, and very often comes to the idea of what she could do to correct the current state of things.
According to the practitioner of family psychologist Tatyana Mikheenko, every woman should do everything possible so that such a sick and crisis moment would do her good. At first glance, it’s hard to imagine how something that is about to ruin life can be beneficial. The psychologist says that it’s not necessary (even alone) to blame her husband for “stolen the best years of his life” or “spoiled his life”, this will only increase negative emotions. However, you need to give them a way out, and the best assistant in such a situation is tears. It is better to cry well in private, and when it becomes a little easier, start building a further plan of action.
What if there is a desire to save the family?
The reasons that can serve as a reason to keep a spouse may be a lot: fear of being alone, strong feelings, a child. But in order to achieve the main goal - to keep the husband who decided to leave, you will have to act very carefully and not commit rash acts, especially against the background of your own emotions.
One has only to imagine a situation when a woman begins to annoy her husband with the phrases: “Roll on all four sides”, “How could I only live with you”, “You are a terrible person, how can you do this”. Hearing such words, the man will emphasize for himself that he really made the right decision and will not think about the fact that maybe it's worth it to replay everything. Therefore, it is important to remember the main rule - do not make claims, even if they are justified, and all conversations should be constructive. Otherwise, you should not hope that the man realizes that he is wrong, hearing in his address how bad he is.
According to psychologists, the woman who can understand the true reason, because of which the husband wants to divorce, can find a way out of the situation. However, it can be difficult to reason logically in these minutes. It is worth looking at yourself through the eyes of a husband.
The husband wants to get a divorce. How to behave a woman who is ready for separation?
It happens that people at some point begin to live together simply by inertia. Perhaps when they converged, they had feelings for each other, but over time they realized that, apart from everyday life, nothing connects them. Of course, in this case, talking about a prosperous and harmonious family is not worth it, and even more so there is no need to torture each other. If both partners understand this, then breaking up will not be too painful.
If the husband wants to get a divorce, and the woman is even mentally prepared for this in advance, then her main task is not to fall in the eyes of the man.
The most important thing is to remain calm and look at things objectively. The only thing that can prevent a woman in such a situation is the fear of loneliness. However, do not give in to this emotion.
It is worth remembering that there are two ways after a divorce: get depressed, sooner or later you will have to leave (on your own or with the help of friends, a psychologist), or lose all the burden that has interfered with and start moving on, discovering for yourself new and interesting things.
What if the husband decided to leave for his mistress?
It is important to understand that if a man leaves for another woman, this does not mean that she is the reason for his decision. According to psychologists, the presence of a husband's lover is a consequence of the main reason.
As noted earlier, the reasons for making a decision on the issue of divorce by a man may be boredom, misunderstanding, poor sexual compatibility, etc. When leaving for another woman, the man wants to get from her what he lacked in his marriage.
In such a situation, you should not make any contact with your mistress, threaten her, call and ask to leave him, since all these attempts to return your family happiness will be unsuccessful. The only thing that can be achieved is to cause a feeling of shame in the husband. At the same time, he will be ashamed not for his act, but for the fact that his wife is satisfied with tantrums. If the husband wants to get a divorce from a certain time, he is unlikely to be stopped.
Threats to the husband
It so happens that a man begins to threaten his wife and says that he wants to leave her. In this case, it is important to find out whether the husband really wants to get a divorce or whether it is just a threat. Based on this, it will be necessary to make a decision and build an action plan.
In the first case, it is necessary to bring the man to a serious and constructive dialogue in order to establish the reason for his desire, to come to a common understanding and try to correct the situation. In the second case, it is necessary to think about whether the husband is manipulating his woman to achieve his personal goals.
If the husband constantly wants to get a divorce and at any opportunity exploits this threat, it is necessary, without entering into confrontation, to stop such tricks. Hearing "I will divorce you," a woman is ready for anything to avoid this. She begins to do anything (anything to her husband) to avoid this. Therefore, in such a situation, you need to learn how to communicate with manipulators and be able to correctly respond to such statements.
What to do if there is a child?
It is important to understand that if a husband leaves the family, this does not mean that the father leaves. A man always has the right to see a child and raise him. The only thing you should not do is manipulate the children.
Psychologists advice
Experienced psychologists have in stock some tips for those girls who have had to deal with divorce and the fears that it can cause. So, it is worth considering the most important recommendations:
- Divorce is the loss of a comfort zone. However, do not give in to fear, because if this process is inevitable, then it is better to go through it consciously. At the moment of awareness of the situation, it is worth paying attention to yourself, to your appearance, to your career, hobbies, etc., as well as to reconsider your attitude to yourself. Allowing time for this can be distracted from oppressive thoughts. Surprisingly, it often happens that if a woman chooses this particular path, then the man notices this and begins to doubt the correctness of his decision.
- You should never throw tantrums and scandals, and especially to drag mothers, friends or a child to them. The husband wants to divorce his wife, but he does not want to spoil the life of others, and the divorce itself is a private matter of two people.
- Do not consider yourself a victim and become depressed. Even if the husband cannot be returned, life does not end there, and only the woman herself can decide whether she wants to be happy or whether for the rest of the days she will grieve for unfulfilled dreams.
- Do not listen to friends and relatives. You can listen to them, but in such a situation you can’t follow your friends' say: “He is a terrible person, you must take revenge on him” or “He stole the best years of your life”. It is important to remember that the woman from whom the husband left is not a victim of circumstances, and you should not shift all responsibility only to the man, because the two build relationships.
- If a departed husband wants to divorce, it is probably too late to save the "sinking ship". For example, a man went to another girl and after a certain period of time reports that he is applying for a divorce, which means that he realized for himself that it’s better for him.
Conclusion
There is simply no universal answer to the question of why my husband wants to divorce me. Each situation is unique in its own way, and if you can’t get out of it on your own, it is best to consult a psychologist. A professional can help figure out why a husband wants to get a divorce, and will tell you the most correct solution.