The upbringing process is quite complex, as it must occur on a daily basis, and its success depends on the sequence and focus of actions in adults. But no matter how parents try to explain to the child the rules and norms of behavior in society from birth, the moment comes when he violates them, and then punishment must be followed. This is where the problem arises in adults, because not every one of them knows how to punish a child for disobedience correctly so that this process is effective and the baby does not do the same in the future. This is a more serious problem than it seems at first glance.
How to punish a child in disobedience
First of all, it must be understood that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case should be violated - physical punishment is unacceptable! No matter what your child does, you should never use force on him. Even if the children become too stubborn, they commit all their actions intentionally, while no persuasion works, you still need to look for other methods of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can affect the behavior of the child. It is better to study special literature, which will tell you how to punish children for disobedience.
Prevent the wrong actions and actions of the child should be right after you notice them. Before the punishment, you must be absolutely sure that it was your child who committed the specific bad act, and your actions will be legitimate, because otherwise the punishment will have the opposite effect. And then you will begin to think about how to punish children for disobedience, constantly.
Should children always be punished for disobedience
Sometimes parents confuse intentional moods with moods because of malaise, hunger or thirst, and very often babies behave this way after an illness, because they feel weak. This can be expressed as follows: during lunch, they want to sleep, and during daytime sleep they feel a surge of strength. In this case, the child cannot be punished, because the change in the regimen of the day is unintentional. Therefore, you first need to find out what they are achieving before punishing children for disobedience. Komarovsky says: you need to explain to the kids that their whims only upset their parents.
At what age can a child be punished?
Psychologists say that punishing a child under two and a half years of age does not make any sense. The child does not realize that he did a bad deed, but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him, because they forbid him to play ordinary games that he had previously played. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that this should not be done and does not feel guilty about himself, so parents are advised not to punish the child before this age. No need to think about how to punish children for disobedience, only every time the child needs to explain the consequences of his behavior, for example, that the plate can break, if you throw it out, the toy can break and the child can no longer play with it.
At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show what actions will delight loved ones and which will upset them.
Only when reaching the age of 2.5-3 years, the child slowly begins to independently manage their actions and behavior. But this does not mean that you need to immediately go into all seriouss and punish the baby. And at the indicated age, this must be done correctly. First of all, you need to calm down. In no case can not be screaming. Try to tell the baby the reason why he is wrong, strictly, but calmly. Literally in a year the child will be able to independently distinguish between good deeds and bad ones. In the event that you punished him correctly, he will be afraid of your anger, and he will admit everything. That's why you need to know how to punish children for disobedience.
Remember also the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents, not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and try to show it.
How to punish a three year old child
When choosing a punishment for a child at this age, take into account the fact how much you control your emotions at the moment, whether you can listen to your baby, or if enough time is devoted to him to analyze the situation.
Upon reaching three years, the child begins to be actively interested in the outside world. If earlier it was enough for him to just feel something for it, now this interest is more global, and the main question is “Why?”. He is not yet able to understand why it is impossible to draw with pencils on the wallpaper or pull the cat's tail.
Rules for the punishment of children aged 6 to 10 years
At this age, the guys already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances, the child may have a desire to rebel, as if declaring their rights. The ways to punish a child of 8 years for disobedience should be the same as for young children, however, new principles appear:
- Before punishing a child for disobedience (9 years is the age when punishment should already be), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, since their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even more persistence.
- You can not compare the child with other children, the result of this will not be good behavior, but insecurity in oneself and one's strengths.
- The child should have certain responsibilities at school and at home, but they should not be punishments, for example, you can not punish him with cleaning or lessons.
- The line of behavior should always be kept to the end, for example, if you decide not to talk with the baby, then you need to maintain this behavior until the child understands what he is to blame, otherwise he will decide that you will always make concessions , and you won’t be able to get rid of misconduct.
- Do not use the “not” particle, try to explain what you need to do, and not prohibit, for example, “You can’t eat with unwashed hands” should be replaced with the phrase “You need to wash your hands before eating”. So the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do anything, but is told what is the best way to act.
- You need to punish even for petty misconduct. Remember that if, after small violations of order, the child remains unpunished, then each time they will become bigger and bigger, and stopping the fidget will fail.
General rules of punishment
There are certain rules of punishment, compliance with which will help to achieve the desired effect and not spoil the relationship with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.
The first rule is that you can’t break the grudge on a child. Regardless of the magnitude of the misconduct, the punishment must be a calm and balanced action. Only in this way will it have sufficient power. With the breakdown of malice, any punishment becomes unfair, the child will certainly feel it. He does not consider such punishments to be serious, he will simply be afraid of your scream, may cry, but he will be sure that you are wrong, which means that he will not change his behavior.
Punishment must necessarily correspond to the act. It should not be too soft or too serious. To do this, you need to carefully analyze the situation, in addition, it is recommended to take into account many factors, for example, repeated punishment for a similar misconduct should be more severe than the previous one. If the child understands his guilt, sincerely repents, then the punishment may be conditional.
In the event that several family members are engaged in raising a child at once, all of them must adhere to a single opinion about the punishment. For example, if dad punishes, and mother constantly regrets, then the child will understand that he can always get away from punishment. Therefore, before these parents it is better to consult and come to a consensus.
Punishment is a way to demonstrate to a child the consequences of his bad deeds. It should not be aimed at intimidating the baby, he should realize that this should not be done. Sometimes you don’t need to constantly think about how to punish a child for disobedience (10 years - when this age is reached, a person can clearly understand the cause-effect relationships, which means that the punishment will be effective), but it’s better to find out the reasons for this behavior.
What will happen if children are not punished?
Many modern parents believe that a child’s happy childhood is associated with a lack of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior, understand everything with age. This opinion was also the American pediatrician B. Spock. He believed that children require respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment to be violence against the psyche. Thus, the responsibility was completely removed from the child. However, such a methodology of education leads to the fact that parents go on about their own child. Yes, it’s so calmer for the baby to live now, in a world where mother is responsible for everything, but as a child grows up, it becomes much more difficult for such a child to adapt in society.
The main purpose of punishment
Correct punishment allows the child to form an idea of the boundaries of what is permitted, to avoid selfish, disrespectful attitude to other people, and also help the child learn to organize himself. The lack of punishment will lead to the fact that for some time parents will simply accumulate in themselves irritation, negative emotions, which sooner or later will turn into punishment anyway. With high probability it will be just the use of force, which will be a tragedy for the child.
If the child is not punished, he will not feel caring for himself, since he will most likely believe that his parents do not care what he does. The indulgence of parents does not lead to a change in behavior, but only to conflicts. Therefore, in the life of a child there must be certain rules, restrictions and prohibitions.
If there are too many punishments
Equally, the lack of punishment and their excessive amount does not lead to the desired result. In the family where the child is punished too often, there are two ways of developing a personality. Or he grows up frightened, anxious, non-independent, he does not understand what can be done and what cannot. Or, the child may not comply with the norms, rebel, as a result of which antisocial behavior is observed . Both the first and second options are an example of a person with psychological trauma. It is difficult for parents to find an approach to a child who is often punished, as a result, difficulties will arise with taking responsibility, self-esteem, and self-realization.