There are no parents who do not want to live with their children in complete understanding. Many mothers and fathers wonder how to raise a child without screams and punishments. Let's try to figure out why this does not always work out for us, and find out what needs to be done to ensure that a peaceful and calm atmosphere reigns in our house.
According to psychologists, often parents are not able to achieve anything with words, because they use the wrong methods of education. Experts also note that the baby’s temperament plays a big role in this matter. Of course, there can be no advice in raising a child that would be equally suitable for each individual family. However, the basic rules, observing which you can build the right relationship, you should know.
Crises of age in children
Sometimes parents incorrectly determine the causes of poor behavior for their children. Moms and dads think that they are doing wrong, contrary to prohibitions and in vain. It turns out that the cause of moods and tantrums in many cases is the age crisis, which marks the main stages of growing up a child.
Stages of growing up of minor children:
- From two to four years. This is the age when the child first begins to show his character. He wants to be more independent than his parents allow. Avoiding screams and punishments at this age is quite simple.
- Seven years. At this age, children in many matters become independent of their mothers and fathers. The difficulty lies in the fact that a child at the age of seven may have authority other than his parents.
- Teenage years. This period, psychologists consider one of the most difficult in the life of every person.
The main rules of pedagogy
- First of all, it should be noted that you can not put pressure on your young children with authority and try in every way to restrain their independence. This is a double edged sword. On the one hand, you can raise a fairly obedient child. But on the other hand, it also threatens that in adulthood he will not be able to take responsibility for his actions. Relations between parents and children should be built on the principle of partnership.
- Do not demand obedience from the child in the form of ultimatums and orders. It is much more correct to present your requests in the form of wishes.
- Praise your child more often for good deeds.
- Never raise your voice in a conversation with your baby, do not lose your temper, and be calm.
- Remember that you are an authority for children. Always be a good example to them. Kids see their parents as ideal and carefully watch how they behave with their families and among strangers. Before you reproach your child for violating any prohibitions, make sure that you do not violate them either.
Learning to punish children correctly
Some parents believe that a naughty child cannot be raised without punishment and screaming. They are sure that this is one of the components of the pedagogical process. In this case, mothers and fathers should clearly adhere to the brink of punishment. They should understand that the goal of upbringing should never be revenge, and observe some rules:
- There should be absolutely no violence in the relationship with the child. Even light slaps are supposed to be avoided, supposedly for fun.
- The requirements of parents must be consistent always. It is impossible at different times to treat the same misconduct of a child differently.
- The kid should know that disobedience will entail bad consequences.
- Punish immediately after misconduct. Actions that will be taken later will not be taken properly and will lose their effectiveness.
- Punishment of children in the family should be temporary.
- A bad deed needs to be discussed in private with the child.
- You can not insult or stick a baby label. The specific action, not the identity of the child, is subject to conviction.
- Do not remember the children of their past misconduct. When discussing the punishment of a child, talk with him only about what he has done wrong now.
Spank or not a child in 2 years?
Especially you need to deal with the punishment of a child under the age of three. Scold the baby or not, what to do with a naughty baby? Some parents, without hesitation, use physical force: they put in a corner or slap on the pope. Other adults prefer to exert moral pressure on the child, for example, they refuse to read to the baby before going to bed or do not allow them to watch the cartoon.
A huge amount of work has been written about the methods of pedagogy , but parents still constantly return to the same question: is it possible to spank a child? Some psychologists are convinced that if parents do not abuse physical punishment, and also if they do not scare the child very much, then sometimes this method can still be used.
The fact is that a baby older than two years old is already beginning to realize that in some situations it is doing wrong. But at the same time, he can not always stop his bad behavior. Children of this age sometimes check the boundaries of what is permitted. They have not yet learned how to navigate our world well and sometimes find out how far their parents will allow them to go in whims and pampering. In this case, mom or dad should use those punitive measures that stop him and show a clear line.
Most experts agree that before a child reaches the age of two, it makes no sense to punish and scold him. Up to this age, such behavior of parents can be regarded by the baby not as they would like. Such a child, when he was put in a corner, thinks he is bad, so mom and dad do not like him. He can see the consequences of his bad behavior (a broken plate, a dirty or broken thing), but he still does not understand that this happened because of him.
It is very important at an early age to teach a child how to deal with the things around him correctly, by setting specific prohibitions. At the same time, details that the baby is unlikely to understand are not worth going into.
How to raise kids up to three years?
This age is often characterized by the appearance in children of imaginary playful friends. Shifting the blame for committing bad acts to others, the child feels more confident. In this case, parents need to figure out why their baby has chosen this model of behavior. We must try to discuss the situation with the tiny one and help him fix it. Guys who are not afraid of parents' condemnation and anger usually tell them unhindered why they did wrong.
Closer to the age of three, babies want to feel more independent from their parents. It is then that they begin to act contrary to mom and dad. It is not worth punishing a three-year-old, because you are unlikely to be able to achieve obedience. The child in response to the use of force will resist even more actively. Psychologists recommend that the pranks and whims of three-year-old babies be treated with the realization that over time this behavior will come to naught.
Many experts are convinced that parents, choosing the method of punishing children from two to three years old, must clearly understand what result they want to achieve. Physical punishment of children will not give a lasting effect. To help the child realize his guilt and improve, you need to calmly explain to him why others were upset by his act. Learn to be attentive to the little man, to hear him. This method will be the best "punishment."
Pedagogical measures
Educators classify penalties as follows:
- ignoring
- explanatory conversation;
- natural punishment of the child;
- symbolic punishment.
Ignoring is one of the most effective methods. At the same time, it must be used very carefully and with serious misconduct, so as not to undermine the authority of the parents. Psychologists note that when the baby fulfills the requirement of mom or dad, then they must certainly caress him. It is very important to understand that parents should always remain friends whom he can trust in a difficult moment for him.
If you wondered how to raise a child without shouting and punishment, then more often conduct explanatory conversations with the baby. You need to talk with a guilty child in a calm and restrained atmosphere. Parents should try to find out from the baby why he did this, and clearly explain to him why this should not be done. This measure of punishment allows you to build a trusting relationship between adults and children, as well as find a common language. Talking without shouting and notation, you can achieve excellent results from the conversation.
Natural punishment occurs when the child’s act itself entails retribution. In this case, it is enough to simply remind the baby that he was warned about the consequences.
A symbolic punishment of a child is a restriction of the child’s actions (to stand in a corner, not to watch your favorite cartoon).
What are children being punished for?
To avoid understatement in this matter, you need to agree in advance with the children what to do and what not. The child should be included in the course of prohibitions, which, in turn, should be reasonable for adults. If the baby committed an act, but it was not yet in the list of prohibitions, then the parent will have to refrain from punishment.
When can not be punished?
You need to understand that each situation is individual, so you can’t act in a hurry. Even if the child has committed a rash act, in some cases it is still not worth punishing him. These are the following situations:
- before bedtime;
- during an illness;
- when the child eats;
- during the game;
- if the baby has a rehabilitation period from a previous physical or mental injury;
- when the child made a mistake, but sincerely tried to avoid it;
- if an adult is upset and in a bad mood.
Promotion and punishment of children
It is believed that it is promotion and punishment that are the only effective methods of managing people. The purpose of these actions in relation to children is to develop a conditioned reflex. So, for the right behavior, the baby receives encouragement, for the wrong - the punishment.
There are such types of punishments for children:
A measure of impact following a violation of the rules that parents previously discussed with the child is considered fair. If the baby is punished unfairly, as a result he gets a very strong resentment, and his parents get a deep sense of guilt. We are talking about situations in which there is a lack of understanding of the meaning of punishment. Therefore, mothers and fathers should maximize their requirements for the child.
Also, parents often unfairly punish their children due to the influence of some situations not directly related to the behavior of the kids. Adults must learn to control their psycho-emotional state. This will allow children not to get confused due to inconsistent parental behavior.
The most tragic, according to psychologists, is the situation when a child is punished because he is unloved. If parents find the strength to admit this, then they can try to correct the situation. Relations with children of such parents should be based on a sense of duty.
Teachers do not tire of repeating that the main task of mothers and fathers is to raise their children with minimal psychological trauma.
Child Promotion Methods
The method of encouraging a child for good behavior is selected based on his age. So, the younger the baby, the more tangible the promotion should be for him. You can give your child a new toy that he has long wanted, or play a little longer with him. Older children can be invited to go to the circus or to the entertainment complex next weekend. Children have a better developed sense of time, so they will perceive this award correctly.
Methods of punishment
When choosing methods of punishing a child, one must also proceed from his age:
- Insulation. If the child is guilty, they either put him in a corner or leave him in the room. There should not be any entertainment nearby so that the baby can calmly ponder his misconduct and recognize guilt. The time of this punishment is very simple to calculate: how old the child is, how many minutes he should be isolated.
- Deprivation of pleasure. If a naughty child has committed an unpleasant act, then as a punishment it will be appropriate to deprive him for some time of sweets or his favorite toy.
- Punishment of a child by a stranger. This method is very effective. The guys take the criticism of outsiders to their hearts, so you can ask a stranger to talk about the dangers of bad behavior.
- Scream. This method should only be used in situations hazardous to the health of the child. You can yell at the baby so that he stops the dangerous action. In other cases, this is not necessary. The kid, most likely, will not understand what the essence of parental claims is, but the style of such behavior will be perfectly understood and will be applied to you.
- Severity. Some parents just need to look strictly at the child, as he is already beginning to reflect on their behavior. Excessive severity leads to the fact that the baby begins to lie in order to avoid punishment.
Each parent is convinced from their own experience that raising a child is one of the most difficult missions in human life. If adults have knowledge of how to do it right, then raising a baby in mutual understanding and love will be much easier for them.