Deciding on a divorce is a rather complicated task, and first of all, a difficult moral one. Someone has been hatching this thought in his head for years, analyzing all the nuances and so on. But one of the most difficult stages is to tell your wife about your intention to divorce. It is a great psychological responsibility to report such news, so the spouse will have to mentally prepare for the conversation.
How to prepare a wife for divorce?
The question of how to tell my wife about divorce is not the most difficult one, it is much more difficult to accept the consequences. Not every woman can peacefully make your decision and file for divorce, especially if there are minor children. If your decision is final and cannot be appealed, then it is time to gather your will in a fist and prepare for a serious conversation with your wife.
What do psychologists advise when preparing for a conversation?
It is also important to properly configure yourself before the conversation, it will be much easier to do this if you take note of the following rules:
- To begin with, think about your decision; it is made from a rational point of view or on emotions. In any case, your application will shock your spouse, so you should be as confident as possible in your decision. Now your task is to choose the right words so as not to destroy your wife morally. Remember that her self-esteem should not suffer and lead a woman to deep depression. We want to disperse peacefully, right?
- If you are well aware of the nature of your spouse and can assume that in a fit of anger she may behave unbalanced, then you need to prepare copies of the documents necessary for a divorce. If your young lady destroys the originals in a fit of anger, it will not be easy to restore them, and the divorce will be delayed indefinitely.
- Report your decision in a quiet place, preferably at home, so that strangers do not witness a quarrel.
- You should also not talk about the desire to divorce in the morning or before work, especially if you know that your wife will have a difficult day. Psychologists believe that a woman’s wakefulness may inadequately respond to negative information, and to spoil a person’s new day is not entirely right on your part.
- During the conversation, do not focus on the negative aspects of your relationship. Try to report in a soft form that you do not feel the same feelings as before. If it’s difficult for you to find the right words, psychologists advise telling your wife about the divorce in the letter, but don’t need to act like a coward, leave him on the table and leave quietly - an absolutely useless option. Better looking in the eyes of your spouse, pass her a note and wait until she reads it in your presence.
- You must be sure of your decision. Words like “probably”, “maybe”, “I think it will be better” will not smooth the situation, do not give false hopes. Tell me bluntly: "I'm sure I want to get a divorce, and have already filed an application." Do not deviate from your words, even if you hear requests for a second chance, otherwise this gimmick can last forever.
Your task is not to part with your enemies, but also not to give non-existent hopes to your spouse.
General recommendations
Divorce is a serious process that requires a rational approach and imposes a certain responsibility on the initiator of the divorce. Before you rush into the pool with your head, think about the following:
- Analyze the financial side of the issue, identify joint debts and possible assets.
- Do not make a decision in a fit of anger, if you feel that the relationship can still be saved, it’s better to go to a psychologist, rather than chop the shoulder.
- You may need to turn to the services of lawyers, keep this in mind. A lawyer is not needed only if you do not have common children, loans, and your wife is quite adequate to the news of a divorce.
- The hardest part is the divorce proceedings for families in which minor children grow up. Try to explain to them that they are not to blame for the fact that the parents are breaking up. You should also not set up a child against his mother, because you are most likely acting in a fit of emotion, and the baby may have psychological trauma.
These aspects are of paramount importance in the divorce proceedings. You can correctly tell your wife about divorce only if all of the above nuances are considered.
What should couples do?
If you are still young people who have neither property nor children, the divorce will take place like a couple of trifles. Otherwise, things are with couples who have lived in marriage for many years, have jointly acquired property and children. Here, whatever one may say, terminating the marriage will be more difficult, especially when the wife is categorically against such a turn of events. To tell a wife about a divorce, if there are children, is many times more difficult morally than in any other cases.
How should the dialogue develop?
If you are an already held couple, think first of the following:
- Think about who is able to raise children. Most likely, this issue will be decided in court, but you have the opportunity to solve everything peacefully, without scandals. In most cases, the child remains with the mother.
- To get competent answers to all questions, contact a lawyer. He will not only advise on the divorce proceedings, but also give answers to questions about the division of property.
- Think about who will pay the mortgage, loan, or other debt obligations, if any.
These issues are decided by spouses only together. If you tell your wife about a divorce, and in addition you say that everyone has already decided for her, this can add fuel to the fire. It’s better to just get legal advice and protect yourself before a conversation.
Getting to the worst - a conversation with his wife
You need to report the news exclusively in a relaxed atmosphere, speak clearly and do not blame anyone, first of all do not blame your spouse for what happened. Your task is to convince her of the correctness of the decision, and not to provoke a conflict.
Basic rules of conduct
The following tips should be followed:
- Do not go away from counter questions, clearly and specifically answer them. Do not shout that you decided to get a divorce, to collect things and leave immediately is also not worth it. And even more so to ignore the spouse’s attempts to talk with you. Do not run away from the problem, but solve it.
- An ideal place for conversation is the embankment, a bench in the park, a clearing by the river. In this case, you will be, on the one hand, in private, and on the other, a crowded place that can save you from ardent scandals. Think about where your wife will be more comfortable. Do not have a conversation at her place of work, in a restaurant, or in full view of children.
- The best time for a conversation is lunch. It is during this period that a person is as ready to perceive information as possible. You do not need to do this in the morning so as not to spoil the whole day, and evening is not the best option, since your wife is unlikely to be able to sleep.
- Like it or not, your wife is not a stranger to you, you have been together for many years, so do everything to maintain friendly relations.
- If your wife adequately responded to your decision and agreed to a divorce, then you can immediately start discussing the details of the division of property and raising children. If you could not do without hysteria and denial, then you should give your wife time to cool down and return to the conversation later. Consult with a specialist in divorce proceedings to determine the most appropriate behavior strategy for you.
- Do not share this information with friends or relatives. To begin with, talk with your wife, it will not be very good if she learns about your intentions from someone else.
If the wife does not want to agree to a divorce in any way, start the process unilaterally. It will not do without lawyers.
What else is worth paying attention to?
Divorce is a complex process that is not easy to achieve primarily in moral terms. The advice of a psychologist on how to tell a wife about a divorce is one thing, but there are many more nuances that are also worth considering:
- Divorce is not a joke, you should not use the threat of divorce in order to achieve any behavior you need from your spouse. Do not balance on the edge, in the end it may turn against you.
- Tell your wife about a divorce if it’s more difficult to have a child. But children should not be ignored, they are also worthy of explanation. It is important for them to know that no one is to blame for what happened, and especially they themselves. It is necessary to prove to them that the attitude of both parents towards children will not change in any way.
- To tell his wife about a divorce that he fell in love with another is a big blow for a woman, so never go into blackmail and threats. A man must do everything to resolve the issue peacefully. Threats will only aggravate the situation and will not make anyone better.
- Also, excessive aggression can lead to the fact that the divorce will have to be received unilaterally, and this is much more difficult. Therefore, try to make sure that the spouse still goes to meet you.
Do not tolerate humiliation and insults from the spouse. If she begins to cross all borders, it is better not to even try to waste time on any explanations.
What is the conclusion?
Do not forget that the first thing you should do before telling your wife about a divorce is to think it over carefully, analyze it, make a clear decision, with a cool mind, and not in a fit of emotion. Do not feel guilty for all mortal sins. Yes, the feelings are gone, it happens. Help yourself and your spouse regain happiness.