An inconspicuous look in the direction of a passing girl, a polite smile addressed to a pretty waitress, a delighted exclamation, involuntarily escaped her lips at the sight of a fatal beauty, and ... your girlfriend is furious. Flashing her eyes fiercely, she reproaches you for treason, throws grand hysteria and scandals, cries, and then does not talk for weeks. Clutching your head, you experience a painfully familiar state of “deja vu”, listen to a stream of implausible accusations and are feverishly trying to find a way to deal with her jealousy and save yourself from regular “debriefing.”
What is jealousy
Jealousy is defined by psychologists as a negatively colored psychological sense of ownership arising in relation to a loved one, girlfriend, relatives. This is a person’s lack of attention, love, care from the object of jealousy, which supposedly gives it to others. Feeling corrodes the soul, does not give rest, raising from the depths of the soul the flow of the most negative aggressive emotions (anger, hatred, humiliation, rage). Sometimes the poison of jealousy is capable of poisoning a woman’s soul so much that she decides to reckless, threatening the life and health of her beloved person, his new (or imagined) passion.
Jealousy in many cases becomes the main reason for the separation of couples. Women are more relaxed in their jealous half, while men do not tolerate this behavior of their beloved.
Catalysts
Jealousy arises, as a rule, due to existing complexes. Someone is embarrassed by their appearance, someone - by their social status, profession, considering themselves an unworthy party for a more successful or beautiful partner. This feeling is a direct result of low self-esteem, self-doubt, the habit of analyzing your failures and weaknesses. Therefore, such a woman constantly fears that her beloved may at any time leave her for a more worthy candidacy. In other cases, the woman’s jealousy is due to her excessive selfishness and spoiling, a pronounced sense of ownership. A person with a similar character, accustomed to receiving everything at the first whim, considers a man as a thing that should belong to her and only to her.
Any attempt at least to blink at least in the presence of another woman is severely suppressed, ending with a colossal scandal. Such women, being abandoned, are usually vindictive and dangerous, and are ready to desperately fight for the escaped "thing."
Manifestations
The question "How to deal with her jealousy?" it becomes vital if your woman is gradually turning from gentle and good into an aggressive "Holmes in a skirt." Every day she arranges an audit of your personal belongings, looks through messages and a call log, organizes interrogations with an addiction. She nervously reacts to female voices in the background during telephone conversations and invariably accompanies you to all "outings", up to gatherings in a purely male company. Moreover, the slightest manifestation of discontent threatens you with its terrible resentment, a stream of tears and punishment in the form of empty pots and a pile of dirty shirts.
Such behavior can only be called paranoia and seriously think about how to defeat jealousy of a beloved without harming your relationship and your own health.
What is jealousy dangerous
Desperate jealousy does not always mean deep and strong love. Most likely, this is a protective mechanism of the personality, aimed at preserving what belongs to her rightfully or caused by the woman’s fear of being alone. In addition, the female nature is such that it constantly needs confirmation of the partner’s feelings, regular calls and SMS, unquenchable attention and care.
According to psychologists, slight signs of jealousy in a relationship should always be present. They are not painful for both partners and are even pleasant, adding to the senses a certain saturation, excitement and taste. However, do not abuse jealousy, otherwise it will turn into a cocktail of aggressive emotions that can poison any relationship.
Worst of all, having killed the feelings of one man, the woman often continues to be desperately jealous of the new partner until she realizes that it is time for her to change her character. But far from every woman can get rid of this destructive feeling. Your task is to help her as much as possible.
How to deal with her jealousy?
Before blaming your woman for excessive jealousy, think about your own behavior and try to put yourself in her place. Perhaps her fears are not groundless? If you:
- until late in the evening you disappear at work, forgetting to warn her of being late for dinner;
- in many ways do not trust her;
- pay little attention;
- returning from work, silently eat dinner and plop down on the sofa, closer to the TV, forgetting to ask her beloved how her day went;
- you look at pretty girls;
- do not give flowers and gifts;
- do not scribble passionate SMS and do not call several times during the day;
however, for all your wrong actions and distraction, still love her - the reasons for your lover's jealousy lie precisely in you and your strange behavior.
More care and attention.
If you are determined to maintain a relationship regardless of whether your passion is too jealous or the reason for everything - you, the first thing to do is surround your girlfriend, wife with reverent attention, touching concern, stepping over your restraint and principles. Write her messages and call at least three times a day, since this is necessary for her peace of mind, and therefore for yours. Give her flowers, more often say compliments, inspire her that she is the one and only. Encouraged by your love, she will gradually forget about her fears and bloom right in front of her eyes.
Less side views
Accustom yourself not to look at beauties with legs from their ears in the presence of their jealous passion. After all, you can calmly contemplate women's charms, being alone or in the company of friends. And in no case do not flirt with her friends. The girlfriend, according to the woman, is the first to top the list of potential lovers of her partner. Friends, despite the notorious female friendship, are rivals in their hearts. They are constantly, even if unconsciously, trying to prove to each other their superiority in such factors as appearance, social status, self-realization and personal life.
Jealousy for a friend in many cases is justified. Competition between the fair sex in rare cases can go so far that one of them, trying to prove that she is better, more beautiful and sexier than her friend, really becomes her husband’s mistress. Therefore, in the name of calm, it is better to stay away from the friends of your jealous lover as far as possible.
Straight Talk
The elimination of jealousy is often facilitated by frank and confidential conversations between partners. Share with her as much as possible information about yourself and your affairs, ask for advice, actively take an interest in her life. Try to convince your woman of your feelings and fidelity. Prove to her that there is no reason for jealousy. Try not to deceive her, because even a single lie can ignite the fire of mistrust. Introduce your beloved to all your friends and colleagues, demonstrating that you have nothing to hide from her.
What should not be done
- No need to yell at her and blame her for being too suspicious.
- Ignore calls and SMS.
- Specially staying at work to annoy her.
- Demonstratively stare at other women and flirt with them.
- Punish with coldness and silence.
- Praise with a partner of her friends.
- Reproach and point out its complexes and shortcomings.
Before you look for effective methods of how to deal with her jealousy, soberly evaluate your own behavior. If you are still sinless, and she is too jealous, do not rush to look for an adequate replacement. Better try to eliminate this destructive feeling from the soul of your beloved and maintain your relationship.