This has been developing for centuries: a woman - the keeper of the hearth, the shoreline. Her most valuable qualities were modesty and loyalty. In some cultures, treason was punishable by death, often the culprit was simply stoned. And now what? Society has become easier to relate to both male and female infidelity. And if this happened, is it worth forgiving the betrayal of his wife?
Union of man and woman
Today it has become fashionable to assert: any partnership is a kind of agreement where everyone has the right to count on compliance with certain conditions. What can a man and a woman give each other, for the sake of which they join in a couple?
Everyone on the threshold of an important decision should consider the answer and decide what he expects from a partner. It has long been known: women and men from different planets. And we all perfectly understand who is from Venus and who is from Mars. And if so, then there are fundamental requirements of partners to each other so that the union is strong.
For a woman in the first place is the responsibility of the chosen one. She needs to know that he will always take care of her and the children and will never leave him without support.
For a man, loyalty to his soulmate is important. Confidence is necessary for him: no matter what happens - a business trip, army, scandals, quarrels - the spouse will be faithful to him to the end.
Thinking about the answer to the question of whether it is worth forgiving a betrayal of a wife, you need to understand: the very basis of the contract has been violated. The reinforced concrete rule that held the union together was not fulfilled.
Treason men and women - are things different?
Everyone knows the Chinese parable, which can be fully cited in the article:
“Once, a very educated lady at that time came to visit the great Chinese thinker Confucius and asked him a question:
- Tell me, Confucius, why, when a woman has many lovers, she is subjected to public censure, and when a man has many women, this increases his social status and adds authority. Before answering, Confucius silently brewed tea and poured it into six cups.
“Tell me,” he asked her after that, “when one teapot pours tea leaves into six cups, is that normal?”
“Yes,” the woman answered.
- You see! "Confucius answered with a grin," and when six teapots are poured into one cup at once, it’s not just abnormal, but also disgusting and unnatural. "
The parable illustrates the fact that from ancient times only female infidelity was condemned. Why so? The answer to the question of whether to forgive a wife's betrayal will depend on understanding this. For this, we dwell in more detail on its psychological component.
The nature of female treason
What guides a man when he goes to bed with another? Exclusively physiology. He is excited by a beautiful figure, an alluring look, the emancipation of a woman. Is it possible to imagine a married lady who threatens family life only because of the priests or biceps of her lover? The causes of female infidelity need to look for deeper roots. Here the emotional sphere is always affected, real feelings arise.
It’s a paradox, but a mature wife, whose family experience exceeds 10 years, is often subject to seduction. This is due to the lack of passion and the loss of a romantic component in the intimate life of a married couple. A woman devalues ​​actions, and words come out in the first place unexpectedly. Compliments and outright flirting by an outsider are taken at face value. The dream of being desired and beloved often throws married ladies into the arms of pick-ups, street hooligans and frank lovelace.
Men and women cheating
Everyone knows: the man is the owner. He is so arranged that he cannot help but be tormented by the question of why his wife’s lover is better than him. The realization that she slept with another is a real trauma for the male psyche. The husband will always mentally return to the situation of treason and each time suffer.
A few years ago, a series was released on the screens where the wife of a cheating wife and her friend changed the main character. What to do in such a situation? The woman soon realized that she was mistaken. She chose a family and repented of her husband. But many years passed, and there was not a single day that our hero did not ask about the ill-fated Taras (that was the name of his once best friend).
In moments of intimacy, a man was tormented by suspicions that his wife was much better in bed with Taras than with him. The relationship lost confidence, there was irritation, aggression. What is pushing women to risk marriage?
Typical Causes of Cheating
There is a myth that only a young wife is cheating. This is not true. Adultery has no age, but there are typical reasons to consider. Let’s leave out the situations when the marriage was originally created not on the basis of love, and living together for both turned into torment. Treason in this case only provoked a gap, which was inevitable anyway.
You should not consider situations where a fateful meeting of two people destined for each other occurred. We are talking about true love, which a man and a woman were lucky to experience.
What is pushing for the betrayal of women who married quite consciously?
- Lack of passion. It is possible that both retained feelings, their common life is quite satisfactory, but the sex life has ceased to be attractive. So the woman decides to survive the former passion on the side.
- Inability to spend time alone. This applies to those whose husbands are absent for a long time, and their wives have no business that would absorb all their free time. A woman begins to rush around and seek attention to her own person somewhere on the side.
- Very often, young wives simply did not walk up before marriage. Having married quite early, they connected their lives with their first men and had no idea that they might end up in the wrong arms. And fate, as a sin, connects them with an impressive handsome man who shows persistent interest. How to resist here?
After treason
There is another situation that we did not consider separately - this is female revenge for the offense, inattention, or male infidelity. A mature wife is capable of this, but what are the consequences of such a step?
- Feeling guilty about any woman. She is herself a judge, a prosecutor, a lawyer, and an executioner. She is tormented by remorse, while she is trying to find the answer to the question: tell her spouse or not? We will discuss this problem in the next section of the article.
- Often the consequence is the breakup of the family. Not every man is able to cope with his emotions and continue to live together with a woman who changed him.
- The strong half is not programmed for long experiences, so soon the spouse may have a new relationship, and this will complicate the situation if the couple has children.
Admit or not
If the spouses have always had a close, trusting relationship, the woman is set for recognition. It seems to her that this will be better. Often the wife asks to forgive the betrayal, hoping for a positive outcome. Or seeks to share with a close friend, relatives, to ease the suffering. Is this the right move?
The most important thing here is that the hope of forgiveness can be a utopia. Men are not only owners. By their nature, they are much less afraid of loneliness than women. Most of them do not accept betrayal and are not ready to forgive him.
When deciding on recognition, one must be prepared for any outcome, up to parting. If there is a desire to save the family, it is necessary to analyze the situation and draw the right conclusions. Do not share with loved ones, so as not to provoke a situation when the spouse learns about what happened from the lips of others.
It is very important to forgive yourself and ask your spouse for forgiveness. But only in thoughts and always sincerely. Believers can go to church, repent to God. Only genuine repentance will guarantee that this will not happen again, this is the first and last betrayal of his wife.
You can’t forgive: majority opinion
Female infidelity is the end of a relationship. So many believe, because they do not see prospects for the further development of a normal family union. Among the adherents of this point of view, the majority are men. Consider their arguments:
- With treason, the most important thing is violated - trust. A little bit of doubt will remain in the soul, which over time will carry out its destructive work. Resentment will accumulate, scandals will follow, and, finally, a psychological breakdown will occur.
- If a man forgives a woman’s betrayal, he must understand that he will fall in her own eyes. For he will demonstrate his weakness as a male. Most women will not take this step as a manifestation of nobility. Subconsciously, they will begin to lose respect for the partner, which can develop into contempt.
- Women will not be able to draw the right conclusions by receiving forgiveness. The paradox is that the psychological defense will work, and in their heads there will be a revolution of consciousness, which is often called magic. They will find excuses for themselves, blaming the incident on a third party. And more often - on the partner himself.
- The most dangerous consequence of forgiveness is getting a kind of indulgence for further betrayal. The husband demonstrates with this step that he is attached to the family, beloved woman. Realizing this dependence of his soulmate, she will not fail to try her luck again.
Self-deception?
Proponents of this version believe that only absolutely dependent individuals are capable of maintaining relationships after female infidelity. People call them henpecked, because they practically have no opinion. But these cases should be attributed to clinical.
There are rare exceptions when men are looking for the answer to the question of how to forgive the betrayal of his wife and save the family. But this is from the realm of self-deception. The reasons for this step lie either in the internal weakness of the partner, or in excessive narcissism. The first one begins to feel sorry for the woman, children, relatives, not realizing that happiness is not built on this feeling. The second overestimates its significance in the eyes of the spouse.
Specialist Comment
What should be remembered for those who are looking for the answer to the question of how to forgive the betrayal of his wife? The advice of a psychologist can be very useful in this situation, because the main postulate is that you should always make an independent decision, not succumbing to the pressure of public opinion.
Two things must be distinguished: formed sexual preferences with a focus on polygamous relationships and trust in family values. In the first version, the man has to decide whether such a scenario suits him.
Treason in the second case indicates a deep crisis in the couple. It becomes a certain logical sequence of concrete actions that lead to real drama. A person most often follows the path of least resistance. Instead of solving the problem with a partner, he is looking for a replacement.
If a man understands the motives of a woman’s behavior, if he is ready to share responsibility for what is happening, marriage can be saved. But through the end of an old relationship that has completely outlived itself. The most correct decision is the termination of marital communication with the continuation, if desired, of friendly contacts.
The couple will face the difficult task of creating new relationships at a different qualitative level, where the mistakes of the past will be taken into account. It is better to do this with the participation of a professional psychologist. This is the answer to the question of whether to forgive the betrayal of his wife.
Relationship recovery
To make a final decision, experts suggest answering a number of questions for themselves:
- In your opinion, does a woman repent of her deed?
- Are you ready to come back?
- Do you understand the motives for her actions?
- Can you eliminate the reasons that led her to treason?
- Are you ready to change your attitude towards her?
- Are they able to take responsibility for their decision and further actions?
Is a wife’s betrayal a marriage sentence ? How to survive and forgive if love is still alive? With a positive answer to these questions, there is every chance of restoring relations.
What is required of a man? The return of attention, romance, emotional and sexual intimacy, the restoration of trustful communication. But perhaps this is only after the end of an old, obsolete relationship.