The husband does not want to work: what to do, whom to turn to, possible reasons, motivational interest, advice and recommendations of a psychologist

Ever since the primitive system, it has been customary that a man is a warrior and a breadwinner who is obliged to provide his family with food and other material goods. But over time, the roles have changed somewhat. Women have become strong and independent, they are rapidly realizing themselves in their careers. But among the representatives of the stronger sex, weak, lazy and uninitiated people are increasingly found. So, many wives face the problem that the husband does not want to work. What to do in this case? How to motivate a spouse?

Subjective reasons

To solve the problem, you need to clearly understand why the husband does not want to work. Sometimes, the problem lies not in external circumstances, but in the character and worldview of a man. Here are the most common subjective reasons:

• He likes to live at the expense of others. As a rule, these men are called gigolos, they purposefully start relationships with wealthy women. And also a person from childhood could get used to living at the expense of parents and is not going to change his habits in adulthood.
• He has no financial problems. If your spouse is lucky with wealthy parents, and they continue to support him financially, despite the fact that he has long grown up, it is not surprising that he prefers idle pastime. He may also have some kind of savings that he prefers to squander rather than invest in a useful business.
• He is in constant search of himself. This situation is most typical for representatives of creative professions. Actors, musicians, artists, writers have long been waiting for their "finest hour", not wanting to disperse into the "earthly" classes. But the road to a "bohemian" life, as a rule, is accessible to very limited circles.
• Laziness. If a man likes to lie on the couch in front of the TV for days or spend time playing computer games, he will not rush to violate his measured lifestyle.
• Bad experience. If a man previously had trouble at work, most likely he will not want to experience such shocks again. It is possible that we are talking about psychological trauma.
• Middle age crisis. During this period, a man, as a rule, becomes depressed or, conversely, behaves excessively actively, trying to catch up with everything that was lost in his youth. Naturally, he is not up to work.
• The woman is too active. The psychology of men is designed so that they begin to act when they feel an urgent need for it. If a woman voluntarily assumes the entire burden of responsibility, a man can become passive.
• Lack of feelings for a woman. If a man does nothing for you, most likely he does not love you and does not value you. Perhaps he lives with you, because it’s so convenient, but when the opportunity arises, he will go to one that can win his heart and arouse initiative.

Objective reasons

If the husband does not want to work, what should the wife do? To make the right decision, you need to get to the bottom of the problem. Perhaps he has a good reason. Here are some objective reasons that lead to a man’s inaction:

• Unemployment. Sometimes a man sits at home not by his will, but because of the banal lack of employment opportunities or lack of demand for his specialty. Also, problems with work can be in small towns. Perhaps the husband wants to work in another city - this may be the solution to the problem.
• Health status. Perhaps the spouse has health problems that prevent him from working fully. Show more attention to the man, maybe he is hiding his problem from you. Moreover, the stronger sex are terrible cowards. They put off a visit to the doctor for as long as possible.
• A respectable age. If the husband is retired and does not want to work, this is his well-deserved right. In addition, not every organization will employ an employee older than 40-50 years.
• Youth and lack of experience. If your spouse is a graduate of a university, technical school, or is still at the educational stage, it is not surprising that he does not have the opportunity (or desire) to find a job. In addition, young people are in constant search. Perhaps the husband does not know whom he wants to work.

Some recommendations from psychologists

If the husband does not want to work, what should the wife do? Naturally, discontent is growing, emotions are boiling, but you should not start with claims and aggression. First of all, it is worth deciding on the reasons for the current situation, to understand what your spouse is thinking about. Here's how psychologists advise a woman to build her behavior:

• Do not show your superiority, do not exalt your dignity. It can humiliate a man, can make him withdraw into himself.
• Show tact and patience. If you understand that the situation with a lack of work is temporary, what's the point of scandals? Do they bring a solution to the problem? Demonstrate understanding and support.
• Act wisely. Helping a man to cope with the unemployment crisis, try to do everything so that he is not offended and does not feel helpless. Let your help not be intrusive.
• Try not to criticize or reproach your spouse. To instill confidence in him, focus on his merits and positive qualities, as well as on the prospects for personal growth.
• Believe in your husband sincerely. It is your positive energy that will help him gain self-confidence.

Temperament

To the question of why the husband does not want to work, not a single man will give you a clear answer. There are thousands of fantastic reasons from low wages to lack of opportunities for self-realization. But psychologists believe that the reason lies much deeper. There are five male types that determine the desire to stay at home. Their description is given in the table.

Practical help

For a long period, the husband does not want to work ... What to do in this case? Sometimes a woman should take control of the husband's employment process. Here's what to do:

1. Conduct a frank conversation to identify the problem and come to the need for its immediate resolution.
2. On a piece of paper, write information about your spouse’s education, knowledge, skills and experience.
3. Help your spouse make a competent and presentable resume. This is not difficult, because on the Internet there are many templates and tips for creating a self-presentation.
4. Explore job sites in your city. Mark for yourself ads that suit your spouse by skill level.
5. Send resume to potential employers.
6. If there is a response, help your spouse prepare for the interview.
7. Make sure your spouse arrives at the indicated place at the appointed time, and does not ignore the offer.

Try to swap roles

A serious problem for the family if the husband does not work. What to do in this case? Some psychologists recommend changing roles with a man. If he prefers to stay at home, why don’t you put all your household duties on him? Washing, cleaning, cooking, raising children - all this you shift to the shoulders of the spouse, and you focus on your career.

Sometimes this is the only way out if the husband is unemployed and does not want to work. Indeed, some men perform well as “householders,” they even like it. Why not be such a family, if both spouses agree to this state of affairs. But if a man refuses to take on household chores, this will once again demonstrate his consumer attitude to the family. And you should draw conclusions.

Financial difficulties

If a woman meekly assumes the responsibility of providing material support to the family, is it any wonder that the husband does not want to work? What to do in this case? Create material problems. Not really, of course, but make-believe.

Lie that you were sent on free leave for an indefinite period, that you lowered your wages, that you had some unforeseen expenses related to your health. It is important that in the eyes of the spouse your income decreases significantly so that you no longer have enough money for tasty food, entertainment and all the other benefits that you are used to.

Then you just have to follow the reaction of the spouse. Ideally, faced with material difficulties, a man should begin to search for sources of income in order to ensure a normal family living standard. If the husband does not want to work, despite the hardships, and begins to save, then he is incorrigible.

Family budget is no longer shared

If the husband is unemployed and does not want to work under any pretext, offend his ego. It is important for a man to have access to money (even if he did not earn it). Let your family budget cease to be shared. Spend earned money on yourself and on children. Give your spouse only a fixed amount for shopping at the supermarket, be sure to ask for a check upon returning home.

A normal man would be hurt by such a situation. He will feel awkward and even inferior. In theory, this should push him to some changes in life. On the other hand, he can also adapt to the situation. After all, you will not leave him without food. Draw conclusions and make decisions only for you, based on the results of the experiment.

Take advantage of outside help

Men love to show off and boast in front of others. There is a certain competitive moment in their life. That is what underlies the next tip. Husband does not want to work? Call your guests home more often. And in advance, ask one of them to take an interest in the successes and achievements of your spouse. This should hurt the well-being of the man and make him change something in his life.

For these purposes, arrange with a friend or girlfriend whom you especially trust, with whom you have a close relationship. They must act unobtrusively and delicately so that he does not recognize the conspiracy. Also, too aggressive interrogation can work against you. A man can close himself even more tightly.

Move away from relatives

Everyone knows that the fair sex reaches psychological maturity much earlier than men. But the latter can remain children even at a fairly honorable age. But it’s one thing to be a child in the soul, and another thing is to behave infantile in all spheres of life. In particular, this relates to unwillingness to work.

This behavior of a man is often associated with the characteristics of education. Perhaps the parents never insisted that their son bother with daily trips to work and thoughts about the material support of the family. It is possible that even now in their person he finds support for his tactics of behavior.

In order to force the spouse to reconsider his views, it is necessary to limit his communication with those who support him in his beliefs. Of course, an ideal option would be to move to another city where his parents would not be nearby. But since this option is rather utopian, you will have to look for ways to minimize meetings with relatives.

Engage your spouse in family budget planning

If the husband does not work, "I want to get a divorce!" - this is the main emotion that occurs in women faced with a similar situation. But think about it, perhaps in this situation there is a fraction of your guilt. Sometimes, women take over everything related to the household. In particular, we are talking about budget planning.

By making a spending plan and going shopping yourself, you create a feeling of security in a man. He does not know what and how much it costs in the store, whether you have enough money for everything you need. The spouse develops an indifferent and consumer attitude to the issue of the family budget.

Choose a convenient time when both you and the spouse will be free from work, and suggest that the spouse together make a shopping list for the week. Keep the list to a minimum, taking into account only the most necessary. And if the husband asks to include his favorite foods (beer, smoked meats, confectionery, and so on) in the list, refuse, justifying it with a limited budget (even if you have extra money in stock). And if you manage to pull the man out for shopping, the prices will surely impress him.

Think About Family Business

For some families, the problem is that the husband does not want to work "for uncle." The excuse cannot be called convincing, yet many men have such a quirk. What to do in this case? Perhaps it is worth raising the question of the advisability of opening a small own business in which a man can realize his potential.

Naturally, owning a business is a costly affair. If you do not have sufficient starting capital, offer your spouse a profitable option. For some time he will get a job, and he will save all his wages for starting his own business. Such a proposal should inspire a purposeful man.

But if the husband does not want to work officially (or unofficially) even for a short time, perhaps personal ambition is nothing more than an excuse. In this case, the conversation with the spouse should be more stringent.

Remember that you are a woman

In those cases when the husband does not want to work, the advice of psychologists is reduced to correctly distributing roles in the family. Modern women are self-sufficient and hardy. They are able to take care not only of themselves, but also of others. For example, about an unemployed spouse.

Think about how your life has changed since marriage? What did you allow yourself before and what you cannot afford now? When was the last time you were in a beauty salon or bought a new thing? If the answer did not satisfy you, sort out the reasons. Perhaps now for the same salary you have to support not only yourself, but also your spouse.

Do not stop being a woman to please someone. Perhaps you should start pampering yourself again, as before marriage. Do not take the additional load at work, do not overload yourself with household chores. If the spouse is not happy with this situation, suggest that he change his idle lifestyle to workdays.

If unemployment is associated with alcoholism

If the husband drinks and does not want to work, the first thing to do is determine the dominant problem. So, if a person is left without a livelihood because he started drinking, you need to concentrate on the fight against alcoholism. If the persuasion does not work (or act, but not for long), it is worth convincing the spouse of the need for treatment.

But sometimes it happens that alcohol abuse is a consequence of the fact that a person is left behind. Having lost for some reason a job, not being able to find a worthy replacement for his former occupation, a man may feel hopelessness. In such cases, people often “fill in” the problem with alcohol. In this situation, you need to show understanding and support. Help your spouse in search of a new job, offer him to sign up for some courses, suggest some kind of hobby. If a man is busy with something, he will soon forget about alcohol and return to a full life.

The husband does not work and does not want children

Creating a family is a crucial step, which by default involves plans for having children. But it happens that the husband does not want children and work. It is worth noting that these two problems are interrelated. Moreover, the reluctance to work, as a rule, dominates.

If for a woman a child is happiness, the joy of motherhood, pleasant chores, a new life, then for a lazy man this is another item of expenditure (and quite impressive). The spouse is well aware that if a woman becomes pregnant, she will no longer be fully responsible for providing the family with everything necessary.

What to do in this case? It is important that the desire to have a child outweighs the reluctance to work. Interested in a spouse. More often visit places where many children walk (for example, in parks). And sometimes invite friends who already have kids to visit.

What women advise

It turns out that so many women are faced with such a problem that the husband does not want to work at all. Reviews on ladies' forums are a direct confirmation of this. Here are some tips women share with each other in candid conversations:

• a woman needs to stop taking responsibility, making the life of an unemployed man easy and carefree;
• you need to put an ultimatum - either work or divorce (even a negative outcome is better than living with a lazy unemployed person);
• block the financial flow from the outside (for example, assistance from parents, friends or relatives) so that the man suffers a shortage of money;
• you need to be respectful, but tough with your husband;
• do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of a man - if you can no longer endure, boldly initiate a break;
• no quarrels and reproaches will lead to a positive result, you need to give both your husband and yourself time to decide (for example, three months), and only then make a decision;
• demonstrate total employment, rarely be at home, referring to work - perhaps this will hook a man and push him to action;
• Motivate your husband with some kind of interesting purchase for him (a car, an inflatable boat, and so on) - perhaps this will push him to search for sources of income;
• it is worth taking a break in the relationship and living separately - perhaps this will make the man realize the value of the family and change his tactics of behavior;
• if the situation has not changed for several years, you should not build empty illusions about the "re-education";
• sometimes you need to offer your help in finding a job to compensate for a man’s self-doubt;
• do not look for additional sources of income yourself (do not borrow, on credit, do not look for a side job) - let your husband feel a lack of money;
• it’s necessary not to reproach, but to talk heart to heart, trying to find out the reason (perhaps you need to consult a psychologist).

Magic will help

If you have already despaired of convincing your spouse of his wrongness, but do not want to ruin your family, you may need to turn to magical rites and conspiracies. If the husband does not want to work, wait for the growing moon, put a pan filled with water on the stove. when the liquid boils, read the plot over it three times. When the water has cooled, pour it under the tree.

As the water was cold, so you (the name of the husband or son), was cold to work. As the water began to boil, so did you (the name of the husband or son), the coldness disappeared. Verily. ¹⁰

If the husband no longer wants to work, despite the entreaties of loved ones, take a few of his favorite things (pants, shirts, and so on). In an inconspicuous place, embroider small crosses with threads to match the fabric. In the process, utter a conspiracy.

As the Lord learned the carpentry, he did not shy away from work, so my husband (son) (name) does not fear work and enjoy the work. As the monks fulfill their obedience, so my husband (son) (name) suffers from work, does not run away from work. As the recluses of God seek, so my husband (son) will seek work. Angels to the rescue. Exactly! ¹⁰

If the husband does not want to work hard for the good of the family, if he is a pathological idler, there is another conspiracy that needs to be pronounced when you set the table. When laying food on your husband’s plate, speak the spell text fluently. Repeat the same spell when you wash your husband’s plate. You need to do this daily until you notice positive changes in the behavior of the spouse.

As I wash the dishes for you, so I’ll attach you to work. You will be diligent, hardworking, a real man, to help me. Everyone is a sight for sore eyes. Amen.

If everything connected with magic frightens you, turn to religion. Pray daily to a saint whose name is the name of your spouse. Ask the patron to direct him on the true path.

Conclusion

If the husband does not want to work, the advice of psychologists is to analyze the situation from the moment you meet. What kind of man was before, before your marriage? If before marriage he also did not strive for career self-realization, most likely, the matter is in character and in his life position. Such cases are difficult to correct, because the woman’s task is not just to get the spouse to work, but to completely change his worldview.

But if the husband does not want to work for some time after the start of family life, try to figure out the situation. Remember the moment when the spouse quit his last job. Do you know the reason? Have you talked heart to heart for a long time? How trustworthy are you? Try to reach out to him, find out what is his problem? Act delicately, but do not let the situation drag out over time.