There are many jokes about representatives of various professions. There are jokes about plumbers, police, teachers and so on. Jokes about accountants are also very popular.
Readers of this article will temporarily plunge into the world of debits, loans and financial reports.
“Not a toad, but an accountant!”
Two friends are talking. One says to the other: “You have a funny Chinese toad, souvenir, with coins.” And he answers him: “This is not a souvenir toad, it's an accountant!”
The following small humorous story undoubtedly takes its place among the funniest jokes about accountants. An employee of one company comes from a business trip and writes a financial report: “Food - 1000 rubles. per day, accommodation - 3000 rubles. per day, women - 5000 rubles. in a day". Naturally, he did not accept this report and forced to redo it. Strictly forbidden in the next version to use the word "women". An employee of the company compiled the second document as follows: “Food - 1000 rubles. per day, accommodation - 3000 per day, screws - 5000 per day. " This version of the report was adopted, and the man was promoted. The next time he returned from a business trip, his financial report was as follows: “Accommodation 1000 rubles. per day, food - 2000 rubles. per day, screws - 5000 per day, repair of working tools - 7000. "
The funniest joke about accountants can also include several of the following.
Laughter, and more!
The following issues were discussed at the meeting of the working collective: "The first is criticism of the accountant Petrov against the head of the company, the second is a civil requiem for the accountant Petrov."
Ivanova wrote off Vasechkin, because she was not strong in mathematics. Ivanova received "3", and Vasechkin - "5". Given that we are talking about two employees of the same accounting department, then these terms are quite plausible.
And here is a joke about the chief accountant, which, quite unexpectedly for himself, was an ordinary citizen.
An ad in one of the local newspapers: "Citizen Sidorov Ivan Petrovich, who lost his documents on Lenin Street in Moscow! We cordially congratulate you on your appointment as the chief accountant of our company. We will be sincerely glad to see you at our workplace during the audit."
“My dear accountant ...”
An anecdote about accountants who made an irreparable mistake.
“Have you heard, Ivanitch, that they are closing our company?”
- And what actually happened?
- Yes, we decided to play it safe during the audit and sent the parcel with a present to the tax office. To prevent the courier from confusing, they glued a piece of paper for him on the parcel, on which they wrote "A fat aunt who sits by the window." And he forgot to unstick a note.
An accountant of one large organization is traveling with his family to spend a vacation in an expensive resort. At the airport, the customs officer asks him the traditional question: “Where did he come from?” an accountant out of habit replies: “What are you! What a profit! Continuous losses! ”
The list of funny jokes about accountants continues. And here is the next masterpiece of folk art.
Error
The accountant receives a salary at the cash register: “You have not enough five hundred rubles to me! How can you work so carelessly! " The cashier answers him: “For some reason, when I gave you the extra 1000 rubles last time, you were not indignant!” The accountant says: “Well, right! To make a mistake once is still excusable, and two times in a row is disgrace! ”
Weaker sex
There are also a huge number of jokes about female accountants. There were many at all times. But here are less funny jokes about female accountants. However, they are all collected in this article.
A close-knit accounting team, consisting of only women, for a long period got the system administrator. He decided to recoup on them. On the desktop of the chief accountant’s computer, he removed the Start panel. And one of the employees, on the contrary, added an extra button like that. Soon there was a deafening cry from the chief accountant: “Where did I go about the Start?” The system administrator says: "Someone stole." The chief accountant asks: "Who stole?" A computer technology specialist says: “He has stolen from two people!”
The police are looking for them
Almost all the jokes about accountants are connected with oddities about fraud. Among them is the following.
A guy read an ad in a newspaper saying that he wanted a chief accountant who had run away with the company's semi-annual budget and said: “Yes, it’s hard to find a good accountant now!”
An employee of a large company says: “All women in the team use different spirits: accountants prefer Chanel No. 5, lawyers prefer Kenzo, and secretaries smell like a boss.”
Professional
An organization needs a new accountant. Three candidates showed up for an interview. One of them has a mathematical education, the other has an economic background, the third is a person who has worked in accounting for a long time. The first enters the office of the mathematics personnel department. They ask him: "How much will 2 + 2?" He replies: “But this is elementary! Of course, 4! ” The second is an economist. He is also asked the same question: "How much will 2 + 2?" The economist thought and said: “Well, in most cases, two plus two equals four.” The accountant is the last to enter the personnel department. And they also ask him: “How much will 2 + 2?” He walks to the door, opens it, looks to see if there is anyone outside, then goes to the window, pulls the curtains and whispers, “How much is required?”
And here is a joke about accountants in an emergency.
During the working day, two masked men with assault rifles burst into the office of the company and shout: “This is a robbery, everyone must lie!” The chief accountant says, wiping sweat from his forehead: “Fu! Lucky! Now we’ll write everything off for sure! ”
The director of the company says: “I have a new accounting employee born in 1923. I recently robbed him of his scores. So now he does the calculations on the computer, in the Word column. "
A conversation of two friends. One asks: “Why did you hire such a strange accountant for yourself? He is one-eyed, lame and toothless! ” A friend answers him: “But what special signs he has!”
Bookkeeping checks the report of the employee who returned from a business trip: “What is this for an unrealistic amount?” A company employee replies: “This is a hotel bill.” Chief Accountant: “And who gave you the order to buy a hotel?”
Two old friends meet. One asks the other: "How are you?" The second answers: “Don’t ask! There is nowhere worse to do! ” His friend asks: “What is so?” And he answered: “Yes, my work is unimportant - an accountant at the airport. Judge for yourself what can be stolen there? "Boeing 747, or what?"
Valorous Accountants
The accountant comes for an interview in the personnel department, in the company where he wants to get a job. There they ask him the question: “How long have you worked in last place?” He replies: "5 years." The personnel officer says: “What caused the dismissal?” The accountant answers: Amnesty.
They ask the Armenian radio: “What is the difference between a good company and a bad one?” Answer: "Report of the chief accountant."
The director of the company asks the question to the accounting employee: “When was the last time we paid salaries to employees?” The accountant replies: "About 5 months ago." The director says: “Do they go to work?” Accountant: "Yes, every day without delay." Director: "So, you need to take money for admission."
A conversation between two accounting staff:
- I heard that our director has plans for business development?
- Will we get more?
- No, work.
The head of the company says to the chief accountant: “You have been working with me for five years. And they never asked to increase your salary. It's time to fire you for fraud! ”
One accountant calls his colleague:
- Hello! How are you?
- Fine!
- Sorry, I seem to be mistaken, number!
In one organization, a tax audit. It all fits together. There are no comments. The tax inspector tells the chief accountant: “You are fined!” He is at a loss: "For what?" Inspector: "For bullying an employee who is in execution."
A man comes to accounting for a salary and says: "My last name is Total."
The chief accountant instructs the young accounting officer: “Be careful and recount this several times!”
A diligent newcomer comes after a while with a statement and says: “I counted twenty times. Here are all twenty results. "