A collection of the funniest jokes about doctors has been presented to your court. So, let's start.
Good doctor
The first of these jokes about doctors relates to the section of black humor. In the operating room, the surgeon leaned over the patient, behind him stands his assistant with a huge ax. The surgeon says: “Cut off the patient’s right foot!” Assistant: “Tuk.” Doctor: “I said the left one!” Assistant: "Tuk". The surgeon says: "I said the leg." The sound of an ax: "Bale."
Here is one of the most recent jokes about doctors and patients. The doctor asks the patient: “What is bothering you, my dear?” He answers him: “Everything hurts me.” The doctor says: “Well, you, my friend, have broken up! You can’t do that! You don’t have enough money! ".
Fatal mistake
Another joke about the doctor, which belongs to the genre of black humor. The patient comes to the surgeon and asks: “Doctor, castrate me as soon as possible!” The doctor is perplexed. He is trying to dissuade the patient from this decisive step: “But you are still too young!”
The patient does not relent: "I will pay any money, just castrate me as soon as possible." Finally, after three hours of persuasion, the doctor nevertheless agreed. When the operation was completed, the physician could not stand it and still asked the patient why he needed such abuse against himself. The young man says: “But, you see, doctor, I married a Jewess, and they have such a tradition ...” The doctor threw up his hands: “So you had to get circumcised?” The man asks: "But what did I say?"
A lot of funny jokes about doctors tell about representatives of such a medical specialty as a psychiatrist. Here is some of them.
Psychiatry
A patient in a psychiatric hospital writes a note to his relatives: "They feed us well. The doctors have a normal attitude towards the patients. There is even a pool. Sometimes we jump into it from the tower. The doctor said that if we behave well, he will pour water there."
There is a medical board in a psychiatric hospital. The doctor asks the patient who is fishing in the toilet: “Well, how is it caught?” The patient replies indignantly: “The doctor, of course, is not caught! What kind of fish can be in the toilet?”. The doctor says: “Well, dear, you will be able to be discharged soon!” The commission left, but the psychiatrist says: “They found a fool! Am I crazy to give out fish places?”
Jokes about doctors and traditional healers
A married couple from Europe came to the doctor and they say: “We have not been able to have a baby for several years. Advise something, doctor! ". The doctor thought for a long time, leafing through medical guides, but couldn’t say anything except:" You need to go to the Siberian taiga, there is one healer who might solve your problem. "
Well, the couple did not spare the money, made a journey of several thousand kilometers and still found this doctor. When they asked him how to cope with their misfortune, he answered them: "Guys, are you serious?"
There is such an anecdote about doctors and folk healers:
A man came to the doctor and said: “I have terrible pains in the groin area.” The doctor examined him for a long time and made a decision: “We need to amputate the genitals!” The man says: “But maybe you can still do something, so as not to cut it? ”The doctor said that only one grandmother can help him with this, who is well-versed in such matters. Well, the man, of course, went to this old woman. The grandmother says:“ Oh, I have these doctors! "cut, yes cut! Here, my dear, drink this potion. Have you drunk? And now jump, jump! The eggs themselves will fall."
A patient enters the surgeon’s office. Stumbles, falls, twists his leg, breaks his arm, hits his head. Creepingly gets to the doctor’s table and says: “I only ask ...”.
On the eve of Valentine's Day, a man comes to the gift shop and says: “How much is that big beautiful red ass?” The saleswoman says: “300 rubles, but this is not an ass, but a heart.” The man replies: “Girl, I’ve been working for 30 years in medicine and I know what a real heart looks like. "
Once again about medicine
“Doctor, what can you say about my health?”
- You can take a loan.
“But I cannot pay.” I have a small salary.
“And you don’t have to.”
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“Doctor, should I take the drops you prescribed for a long time?”
- All life.
“But it is written right there that the term for taking the medicine is limited to three months.”
“So I tell you this.”
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“Doctor, I think I have the flu ...”
- Yes, and apparently pork. After all, only pigs call an ambulance at night at a temperature of 36.8!
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“You're just a genius, doctor!” The medicine that you prescribed for me brought me back to life in two days!
- This is a pharmacist - a genius. Instead of a recipe, I gave you a piece of paper on which I painted a pen.