Being a mother is an honorable duty, great joy and a difficult path. Do not believe? Read the best jokes about mom!
Jokes about mom
We’re joking about mom, even if it’s not funny at all, and mom is not disposed to have fun ...
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I woke up this morning. I’m lying, waiting for my mom to cook breakfast. And suddenly I remembered - damn it, it’s me myself, mom now!
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The wife calls her husband:
- Dear, we here decided to hang out with the girls, take away my son, okay?
- Where from?
- From the hospital.
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- The neighbors probably consider me a bad mother ...
- Why?
- The son was screaming all day today. And I just forbade him to measure the temperature of the borsch with a thermometer, let the cat out of the washing machine, and took the Fairy away when he was going to drink it.
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Do you know that schizophrenia and pedophilia are incurable, as well as the confidence of some mothers that their child is a genius?
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The head of the family, of course, is dad. But who is dad - mom decides!
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Today I went to the parent meeting. And when I left the house, my son followed me: "Mom, the main thing is - do not trust anyone there!".
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Television video: "He began to take up too much space? It is noisy and dirty from him? Can't imagine where to put him? Give your son to the army!".
Mother and son
And there are still funny jokes about mom and son, and come across with sadness. Life is like that.
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The son decided to tell the tired mother a tale.
- Once upon a time there lived an old man with an old woman. The old woman was already 30 years old ...
Mom jumped. Sleep in no eye!
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Mom, can I get some candy?
“Only through my soup!”
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- Mom, what is more useful - ice cream or sausages?
- Son, now it’s even healthier to smoke than sausages!
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- Son, what are you writing?
- Letter to Santa Claus.
“And what did you ask him for?”
- A hundred bucks, a kilo of sweets and a year not to wash!
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The bunny son asks his mother:
- Mom, I’ll go to the forest and play with the hedgehog, huh?
- What are you, son - he is RINGING!
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Mom comes from work:
“Well, what did you do, son?”
- I came from school, had lunch, washed the dishes after me ...
- What a fellow, here's a sweetie!
- Then he wiped the plate!
- Good girl! Help yourself with cookies!
- And then I had to collect the fragments and throw out the garbage ...
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Jewish mother goes to the balcony:
- Lyova, go home!
“Mom, have I already been frozen?”
- No, you're hungry!
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The mother tells her son a tale:
- Here I saw Prince Cinderella at the ball, so for the whole evening and could not take his eyes off her ...
“Why did the prince need Zolushkin’s eye?”
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The son asks his mother:
- Mom, did you have a computer in your childhood?
- No, son.
- A smartphone?
- What smart, what are you?
- Ma, what are you ancient! Have you seen dinosaurs?
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“Mom, I turned fifteen today.” Can I wear a miniskirt, high heel shoes and paint?
- Well, I don’t know directly, son ...
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- Mom, today is Saturday, can my friends bring me later than always?
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SMS from my son: "I have twenty lectures today, I will be in the morning." - "Okay, son, just don’t forget to put the cover on the notebook."
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- Mom, it's me. Please, don’t worry, I’m in the hospital.
- Son, you've been working as a doctor for seven years. Stop starting your calls with the same phrase.
Family and Children
Jokes about mom, as a rule, mention the father. As the main witness.
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“Mom, what is a stupid joke?”
- This is when your father says that he runs the company, and after the wedding it turns out that this is a company of drinking companions.
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Suddenly from my mother’s bedroom
All wounded, lame
Uncle Petya runs out
And father with a chainsaw.
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“Mom, where did we come from?”
- The Lord created us ...
- And dad said that we came from monkeys.
“Let your dad tell about his relatives, and I about his own!”
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The wife says to her husband:
- You know, in vain we scolded my daughter for the piercing. Now that she has a ring in her nose, picking her up in school in the morning has become much easier!
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The son asks his father:
- Dad, and who is a real man?
- Well, this is a strong person who protects and cares for his family.
- I want to become a real man, like our mother!
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The husband visited the mother-in-law in the hospital. He returns and says to his wife:
“It looks like your mom will be discharged soon.”
- Why do you think so?
- The doctor said that we need to prepare for the worst.
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Dad bathes his little son in the bathroom and shouts to his wife:
- Mash, Vaska is eating foam!
And after a couple of minutes:
- Masha, count it, it’s really tasty!
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The wife says to her husband:
- Mom and Dad are visiting us. The train arrives on June 22 at 4 a.m.
- Just like the Nazis in the 41st ... - the husband grumbles.
Children and school
Where there are jokes about mom, there are jokes about school. In "science" the child spends many hours. And sometimes they also leave for an extension.
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The son tells the mother:
“I won't go to school anymore!” Well her. Again Sidorov will set the steps, Petrov will push, and Ivanov will put buttons on the chair ...
“Son, dear, but you must.” Firstly, you are already forty, and secondly, you are the principal of the school.
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Somehow, a teacher came to a two-student:
- Come on, Vovochka, call mom!
- And mom is at work!
- Then call dad!
- Dad hid too!
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“Dad, when you were a kid, did you go to school too?”
- Of course, son, and never missed classes!
“Well, see, I said that it makes no sense to spend so much time on this school!”
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- Hooray! Vacation! - shouted mom and dad and, cheerfully tossing the diary, ran around the room.
What a smart and kind boy we are growing!
And the last portion. As the name implies, the most life-affirming and positive.
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- Mom, give me a hundred rubles!
- What for?
“I'll give them to that poor grandfather.”
- What a fellow you are! What a good one! And where is grandpa?
“There, he’s selling ice cream.”
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“Why don't you eat?” - Mom asks her son. “He himself said that he was hungry like a wolf!”
“And where did you see the wolf that eats salad and porridge?”
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“Grandma, is it true that one must respond to evil with good?”
- Yes, grandson, it is.
- Then give me the top ten - I broke your points.
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A little boy sits in a sandbox and eats something.
- What are you chewing?
- I don’t know, she crawled ...
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- How are you at school, son?
- I don’t want to talk with dad's father!
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A letter from my son from the pioneer camp: “Dear Mom and Dad, I live well. Yesterday we had boxing competitions. I am sending toothpaste and brush. I won’t need them anymore.”
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The teacher said in the lesson that earlier children were given unusual names. For example, Oyushminald - which meant "Otto Yulievich Schmidt on the ice." Or Dazdraperma - "Long live the First of May!"
Little Little Vovochka says thoughtfully:
“And I should have been called Triperock.” I have a birthday on the thirty-first of October.
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The son screams from the hallway:
- Mom!
- What are you yelling? - answers the mother from the room. - Come here, say fine, what happened ...
The son came and asked:
“I've stepped into the dirt, where can I wash my sandals?”
We hope that these funny jokes have cheered you up.