By building expectations, determining for himself the necessary level of requirements for a partner, a person strives for love, passing through meetings and partings, successful and unsuccessful dates that leave painful traces on the heart. What you need to know about this in order to perceive the situation most objectively, without allowing anyone to destroy their own personality?
Why are unsuccessful dates dangerous?
The Daily Mail published the results of an online survey conducted with respondents who have experienced failure in dating with the opposite sex. Frustrated young people noted a significant deterioration in their health: from an increase in anxiety (25%) to skin problems (6%), manifested in the form of a reddish rash or eczema. 10% of respondents began unregulated overeating, a third had signs of real depression.
This is understandable from a medical point of view: stress contributes to the release of testosterone and cortisol. The first affects the functioning of the sebaceous glands, secreting an increased amount of fat, leading to skin rashes, and cortisol through the hypothalamic receptors affects a significant increase in appetite. The weakening of the immune system during stress affects the duration of the disease state.
Severe psychological consequences led to the reluctance of new meetings (70%) and the disruption of communication with loved ones because of fear of inquiries and negative assessments of what happened. Refusing further visits, a person deprives himself of a feeling of happiness, a positive outlook on the world, motivation to work on himself and his appearance, that which gives a surge of hormones. Is it possible to understand in advance the signs of an unsuccessful date in order to avoid serious consequences?
What should alert on the eve
Smart people go only to meetings with partners they know and are sure of. But in the age of the Internet and mobile communications, blind dates are becoming more common among people, so prudent people prefer to be a little late and watch a girl or a guy from afar to avoid unpleasant disappointments. And so that conscience does not torment, they call and come up with a good reason for the impossibility of meeting. This is unpleasant, but it hurts the partner’s pride less and does not lead to a waste of time in vain.
The most unsuccessful dates begin with deception: instead of a real photo, the unlimited possibilities of Photoshop, or even a dummy face, are demonstrated. Distort age, income, profession, marital status. What is the deceiver counting on? The fact that informative correspondence revealed a rich inner world, which at the first meeting will outweigh everything else. Alas, the disappointment from the meeting can be so strong that everything achieved during the preliminary communication will lose its meaning. With a man who was caught in a lie, it is better not to do business.
In addition to cheating, you should pay attention to:
- the place and time of the proposed meeting, which well informs about the partner’s intentions (do not build the illusion that a meeting on the territory of someone’s apartment will be exclusively romantic);
- excessive perseverance of the partner in any moments (you can always run into a pikaper, a debater or a frontman who has goals that are far from love);
- partner's contacts (meeting a person who knows only e-mail means exposing yourself to a certain risk).
The importance of the first meeting
An unsuccessful first date can program a person for a certain scenario in the future, therefore, with a fair degree of doubt, it is better to refuse to meet. Some complex can be formed both in a girl and in a young man. Their failures in the future will be associated with a sense of fear and anxiety before repeating the opening story. Fright leads to tension and constraint (self-giving, gestures, posture, facial expressions), which completely deprives external sexuality. It either paralyzes mental activity, or causes excessive activity, which is also quite bad.
Losers react incorrectly to compliments, perceiving them as flattery: “No, this is not my hair color, I dyed it”; "Yes, I go to training sessions irregularly, so you should have seen cubes on my belly with my friend." As a result, the girl gets the impression that she is an ordinary gray mouse, and the guy does not see the necessary masculinity and masculinity. Which leads to further failures on the love front.
First date, last for Jessica Mackenzie
Star public unsuccessful dates become stories of the public, stories about which can be read on the Internet. Twenty-five-year-old student Jessica Mackenzie published on a page on a social network the details of a meeting with the young talent of the Manchester United club Adnan Yanuzai. A member of the Belgian national football team with an income of $ 5 million a year appeared on a date on foot in a tracksuit. While the girl spent a certain amount of hair, cosmetics and a glamorous outfit. In Jessica’s car, the couple went to Nando's fast food restaurant, where the footballer treated the girl to cheap chicken burgers.
The final meeting was a room in a three-star hotel, where until nine in the evening the guy and his companion watched TV. After which Adnan asked me to take him home, since in the morning I had to get up early for training. It is obvious to everyone that the angry Jessica made public the piquant story of revenge on the football player, who not only did not live up to her hopes, but also left the beginning of the relationship without continuing. Why it happens? Why does the first meeting become the last?
Unsuccessful meetings with the eyes of men: the main signs
One can guess what Adnan was guided by choosing such a plan for a rendezvous. It was likely this was a test of the sincerity of the feelings of the girl. But one thing must be said with certainty: that spark that should run between people has not been ignited. Foreign studies of the causes of unsuccessful dating among dating site visitors have determined that 64% of respondents see this as the main reason for their failed meetings. And if the girls at the same time are ready to continue communication, giving men a second chance and finding other virtues with them, then for a man this is the final meeting. They must desire their partner.
Among the signs of a man’s unsuccessful meeting, listeners of Mayak radio in a program specially dedicated to this topic, highlighted those who had turned them away from their girlfriends:
- did not come, she was much late;
- showed up with a friend;
- immediately stipulated that time for a meeting is limited;
- asked to help close a cash loan;
- persistently inquired whether he knows how to work a chainsaw;
- unpleasantly struck externally (came in a gorgeous dress on the floor, while with unwashed ears);
- I ordered so much in the restaurant that I barely managed to pay;
- went through alcohol;
- all evening, she conducted "left" conversations about the former.
Obviously, half the reasons would not be mentioned if the girl really liked. For men looking to continue, unsuccessful dates with women are the lack of an invitation to tea. Or worse, an invitation without development. The girl on the forum described how, after a protracted party, she regretted and left the guy to spend the night at her place. And then she kept SMS correspondence all the time, fighting off his insistent harassment. At the same time, the guy was two steps away from her on the floor. The male psyche is not able to capture the nuances, perceiving signals unambiguously: left, then, waiting for a continuation. Nothing beats a man’s self-esteem like a woman’s provocative behavior.
Female look at signs of bad date
Girls as more refined natures have their own list of requirements for the opposite sex. The longer it is, the greater the likelihood of disappointment from the meeting. Unsuccessful meetings with the eyes of women are:
- “Fedot, but not that” is not the same type of male appearance, unapproved style of clothing, unpresentable appearance (a significant part of smart girls are ready to give an additional chance).
- “Says the wrong thing” - rude in speeches, allows categorical judgments and aggressive attacks; Complains about fate, lack of work, mortgage and business failure; talks only about himself, never asking a single question.
- “Does it wrong” - argues with the waiter over the change, regrets the tip, does not pay for the girl; indecently pawing a partner, allowing frivolity and directly offering sex; aggressive with third parties, provokes a scandal.
But the most unsuccessful dates, stories about which the listeners of the Mayak radio were told, were overshadowed by unpleasant surprises, discovered by chance. The guy announces that he has forgotten his wallet, an unexpectedly met acquaintance “surrenders” that he has been married for a long time and has children;
These meaningful conversations
In the second place among the reasons for unsuccessful dating, respondents from dating sites put psychological incompatibility (47%). It is best manifested during a conversation that creates serious tension. What influences this?
- An awkward silence that the parties find difficult to overcome.
- Brief answers that leave no chance of developing a conversation topic.
- Lack of clarifying questions indicating a lack of interest on the part of the partner.
- Indifferent gaze or violation of visual contact.
- Difficulties in choosing topics for dialogue.
- The abundance of information that is difficult to handle.
- Unreasonable distraction to the phone or extraneous contacts.
- Phrases testifying to the inattention of the interlocutor.
- Memories of the former (16% of respondents consider this a sufficient reason to end the relationship).
- The partner does not address by name or even confused him.
- Finding reasons for ending the dialogue: work, recollection of an unfinished business, state of health.
Usually unsuccessful dates end with a handshake or an awkward hug, a lack of promises for further continuation of the acquaintance, and a request from the girl not to see off. The most deadly phrase on the part of a man is: “We will call each other,” for which the interested party clutches like a straw. But this is one of the signs that a second meeting is unlikely to follow.
Star stories
Unforgiven awkwardness
The most successful people known around the world have had unsuccessful dates, which they share in the hope of supporting the unlucky. Girl's Life published the story of Justin Bieber, the favorite of millions of girls who told the world about the fiasco that he suffered in an Italian restaurant during a date. Having overturned a plate of spaghetti on the girl, Justin could not beg forgiveness and parted with his passion.
Missed opportunity
Jimmy Fallon, a popular TV presenter, 10 years later, learned about the missed opportunity to win the heart of the golden-haired beauty Nicole Kidman. Inviting her to dinner, from excitement, he could not keep up the conversation and turned on the video game. The young woman who really liked him thought that she was simply not causing Jimmy any real interest.
"Dynamo"
Not everyone is ready to describe the most unsuccessful date. The story of the man known on the TV show "The Rules of Removal", Sergey Stillavin, is a revelation of how an ordinary girl "prodinamil" once upon a time with him, a real master. Having bought two bouquets of flowers and hiding them in the trunk of a car, he met his beloved on the eve of a crucial event for himself - meeting her mother. The girl said that unexpected guests were in the house, so the meeting should be rescheduled at the time of their departure. For four hours, the couple rode around the city in anticipation of the treasured hour, until after the next call, the failed bride told her that her grandmother had died. Stillavin had to throw away flowers, which by that time had spread their fragrance throughout the car's interior.
Screen stories
The unsuccessful dates of men are best described in the 1970 Soviet film “Seven Brides of Corporal Zbruev,” which can be regarded as an encyclopedia of an unlucky guy. The viewer watches seven meetings with the girls of the correspondence of the brave soldier, whose portrait adorned the cover of Skillful Warrior magazine. His dates have everything: a deception on the part of a Komsomol functionary who lures a soldier into a youth Siberian construction site; oversight, which cost an unsuccessful meeting with a girl waiting on the platform named Oksana; interference from third parties in the form of a commandant of a hostel when communicating with a modest Lucy from a small town of weavers. The most characteristic stories include two.
"Hello, stork!"
To this song, the protagonist left the next failed newlywed, even refusing a cup of tea. Everything with her: beauty, romance, decency, thrift. Wasn't this what the former orphan named Konstantin was looking for, who began his journey through the girls in absentia? The fact of the matter is that of this. But such a rapid development of events, in which communication is based on his consideration through the prism of a potential groom, will scare away any man. Having put a positive mark on all indicators, the girl “privatized” the gentleman, presenting to her neighbors, building joint plans, raising her like a child. You always want to break out of skillfully created put, which is what the main character does.
Alluring beauty
An example of expectations incorrectly arranged in the head was the meeting of Kostya from Gunyaevo with a famous actress who also came to conquer Moscow from the rural outback. Longing for a rustic barefoot childhood pushed her to write to a young soldier. There is nothing personal in the letters, no promises. But captivated by the extraordinary beauty, Kostya dreams of a possible fateful meeting, trying to conquer the young beauty. In her eyes, he is an awkward country guy, unable to call a taxi in a large metropolis, unable to even cope with the role of a plumber. After a moment, he completely merges for her with a crowd of cadets. Thousands of kilometers have been overcome by a young man for such alluring, but inaccessible beauty.
Stories of ordinary people
Tales of unsuccessful dates are very important for both the storytellers themselves and the listeners or readers. This is a way to deal with stress more easily. It is known that 24% of unlucky people try to raise their spirits with alcohol, 13% try shopping, not realizing that an analysis of events and an ironic attitude to what is happening are much more powerful drugs. An example is the story of Michelle Thomas (Great Britain).
The girl met a guy who, during a meeting, charmed her with her mind, character, and manners. The next day, she received a letter where he admitted this, expressing his willingness to marry. But on one condition: Michelle should lose a few extra pounds. The girl was so offended that she wrote him an open letter on a blog read by thousands of young women who are afraid to love and accept themselves for who they are. With her answer, Michelle launched a whole campaign that stirred the Internet.
The most unsuccessful dates teach you how to get out of difficult situations in which anyone can be:
- the guy appeared on a date with his mother, citing the fact that he would not waste time on the one that his parent would not like;
- the girl in the morning pleases the guy with the results of a test with two stripes;
- leaving the lavatory in a cafe, the lady mixed up a table, sitting down with strangers;
- seeing his companion in the morning without makeup, the guy was horrified.
Thousands of stories teach the main thing: sometimes parting with a partner is a blessing, giving hope to meet your soul mate faster, approaching her through a deep understanding of what is happening. And the understanding that other people's tastes should not be another person’s problem.