It is believed that the main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive. Indeed, this is a very valuable quality. Is it possible to live a full and vibrant life, if you keep in mind a lot of big and small grievances? People do not even suspect how quickly you can get rid of mental wounds. The main thing is to leave the past in the past.
Why do you need to be able to forgive?
Forgiving is not only a way to maintain friendship. This ability makes life easier, improves health and improves mood. If we put aside all the beautiful words about human relationships, the purely pragmatic side remains. So, long-term observations of psychologists have led to the conclusion that people who conceal grievances feel much more unwell and are faced with diseases than those who act in a diametrically opposite way. Many may be skeptical, but there is an explanation for everything.
If you do not have the ability to forgive, you will constantly think about your grievances. As a result, the brain will send additional impulses to the endocrine system aimed at producing stress hormones. This leads to an increase in blood pressure and an increase in muscle load. Touchy people often have back pain and a rapid heartbeat. Moreover, stress reduces immunity. Thus, you can be right 1000 times, not wanting to forgive the offender, but you suffer from it yourself.
The ability to forgive not only helps to avoid health problems, but also facilitates the process of communicating with others. Ignoring irritants, some people easily make new acquaintances and surround themselves with friends. Psychologists call this an effective model of behavior. It involves protecting yourself from unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions.
What is forgiveness?
The ability to forgive is one of the main qualities of true friends and just wise people. First you need to understand what this means. It is not a matter of telling the offender that he is forgiven. In this case, responsibility will be removed from him, and you will not be able to get rid of the insult that oppresses you. It is important to let go of negative thoughts, protecting yourself from negativity.
To begin with, itâs worth understanding that what happened is the past, which cannot be changed or erased. Thus, you need to try to change the attitude towards him. You must accept the fact that hatred and revenge are primarily destructive for you. Moreover, the vengeance that has come true sometimes brings not satisfaction, but remorse.
Forgiving a friend does not mean forgetting about his ugly deed. It means stopping thinking about it, concentrating. Forgiveness means putting yourself in the shoes of the offender and trying to unravel his motivation, which will be an occasion for compassion. Even if you consider the act unacceptable, forgiveness will help maintain a warm human relationship.
Why can't people forgive?
The main problem with the ability to forgive is that people do not want to part with their feelings of resentment. This does not always happen consciously. A person is affected by certain words and actions, kindling a storm of negative emotions in him. This makes him unfree and even unhealthy. To break this vicious circle, itâs important to set aside time to make sense of the situation by âanalyzingâ it in detail. In addition, a person has a feeling like pride. But are you sinless? Perhaps, having discovered the vices of other people, it will be easier for you to forget the insults.
The main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive
Friendship is perhaps one of the most beautiful and purest manifestations of human relationships. Nevertheless, disagreements arise even between the most faithful comrades. Thus, the main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive. This is important in such aspects:
- the opportunity to maintain, if not good, then at least peaceful relations with the offender;
- maintaining health by protecting yourself from negative emotions;
- self-improvement through self-control;
- a self-defense mechanism that makes a person less vulnerable to the blows of fate.
Forgive and keep friendship
The ability to forgive insults is a necessary quality that helps to maintain good relations with people. Quarrel is not always the end of friendship. It should be saved if:
- The man has offended you, being in a difficult position. It is possible that he did it on emotions, not at all wanting to harm you.
- This behavior is unusual for humans. Because of the minute turbidity, it is impossible to break off strong relations that have been building for more than one year.
- A friend offended you not from evil. It is possible that a person said or did something inappropriate, simply without thinking. Think about it, maybe he didnât have any bad intentions.
Forgive and let go
Forgiveness is a property of strong people. But this does not always mean preserving former friendships. In some cases, itâs better not just to forgive, but to let the person go:
- A person is constantly trying to humiliate you in order to look better against your background. Even if you show generosity and forgive him, most likely, your relationship will continue in the same spirit. Better to let such a friend go.
- Man has committed treason. For example, told someone your secret or framed for work. Having decided on this, he hardly thought about your friendship. Of course, itâs not worth lurking, but itâs better not to maintain close relations.
- A person pursues material gain by communicating with you. Having guessed such a catch, you will realize that you should not maintain friendship.
- The man forgot about you, does not make contact. Of course, this is insulting, but even the closest friends cannot always be together, because everyone has their own life. In addition, this can be a test of strength.
- If your friend did something bad to you because of a fear of losing or ruining relationships with some important people, let him go. Not the fact that next time he will not do the same.
How to learn to forgive?
Is friendship forgiveness important? Of course. Disagreement and misunderstanding may arise even between the closest people. Imagine that you broke off all relations with a friend, holding a grudge against him, made new acquaintances. But will the following relationships be ideal? Unlikely. Most likely, they will be accompanied by the same disagreements and quarrels. Thus, resentment will accumulate, destroying you from the inside. To avoid this, learn to forgive:
- come to the realization that insults hinder you, that you want to get rid of them;
- try not to see the offender for a while, so as not to heat up your anger;
- if you do not know exactly the motives of the action, do not try to fantasize about this;
- if the offender is trying to contact you to explain himself, give him such an opportunity;
- make a list of your shortcomings - it is quite possible that the same sins are inherent in you as your offender, and forgiving him, you will forgive yourself.
Positive motivation
In friendship, the ability to forgive is very important. The arguments in favor of this claim are as follows:
- freed from resentment, you will become an independent and invulnerable person;
- you can recharge with positive energy, conveying a joyful mood to others;
- it will be easier for you to communicate with current friends and build relationships with new ones;
- a veil will fall from your eyes, which previously prevented you from adequately assessing the situation and people;
- You will learn how to benefit from communicating with friends, ignoring negative messages;
- you will be interesting to others, because people are always drawn to the strong, wise and independent;
- you will get a chance to become a successful person, because negative thoughts will cease to weigh you and pull you down.
Negative motivation
The ability to understand, to forgive is not inherent in everyone. Even understanding all the positive results of such an act, people cannot let go of their grievances. Then negative motivation comes to the rescue. So, if you continue to accumulate resentment, the following will happen:
- resentment that you have not forgiven begins to increase over time, causing you to suffer;
- if you canât cope with one resentment, you canât cope with others, and, as practice shows, there are more and more of them every year;
- due to strong emotional stress, you can bring yourself to nervous exhaustion or serious illnesses;
- inability to forgive is constant conflict, which threatens not only communication with friends, but also family life;
- resentment prevents you from enjoying life;
- the desire to take revenge can push you into rash acts that you will regret.
Can't think? Write!
Losing friends is always unpleasant and sad, especially if these people are very close and dear to you. But itâs impossible to continue companionship if you are offended by a sense of resentment. To eradicate it, you need to take time to introspection. But not all people are given the opportunity to immerse themselves, deeply rethinking what is happening. If you classify yourself in this category, express all your experiences in writing.
Imagine that you have to make a report in which you must prove to the reader (in this case, to yourself) that your insult is really justified. Give answers to such questions:
- What exactly are you offended by?
- Which part caught you the most?
- Do you yourself have the same negative qualities?
Oddly enough, many people "cut off" at this very moment. Taking himself to be frank, a person begins to understand that there are no significant reasons for resentment, and if they do exist, you must decide on the reasons that led to the conflict. Perhaps you yourself created it. Or maybe it's some kind of a sign of fate.
And, of course, do not forget to develop a âcrisis management planâ:
- How will you now relate to such situations?
- What positive experience can you learn?
- How will you maintain your relationship with the abuser?
Some more useful tips
Building a strong friendship is difficult, but you can destroy it with one carelessly spoken word. And the offender is not always guilty of breaking the relationship. Sometimes the inability to forgive does more harm. If you want to get rid of this negative trait, take some more useful tips:
- Do not treat forgiveness as a manifestation of weakness. This ability is inherent only to wise and strong people.
- Take quarrels and grievances as a lesson in fate. After analyzing the situation, you will surely find some meaning in it, the awareness of which will protect you from serious mistakes in the future.
- Resentment is inaction. And you must constantly develop and work on yourself. In addition, if you see the strength and wisdom in yourself to adequately teach a person a lesson (not to be confused with revenge), you will also direct him to the true path.
- Look at everything with a sense of humor. If in this situation you find the slightest reason for laughter, then everything is not so bad.
The ability to forgive: examples from life
There are no perfect relationships between people. Even the most devoted friends sometimes quarrel. If you havenât yet understood what role the ability to forgive plays, real-life examples will help you with this.
Imagine a situation when school friends quarreled. Inability or unwillingness to forgive led to the fact that each of them lost a loved one with whom you can share and joys and troubles. When misfortune happened at the offender, the second, despite his emotional impulses, driven by a desire to take revenge, did not come to his aid. As a result, oppressive resentment was replaced by torment of conscience, and it is much worse to fight them.
The second example can be given from the plane of family life, which also often begins with friendship. So, the wife after long deliberation forgave the unfaithful husband. As a result, they lived a long and happy life together, raising beautiful children. And imagine what would happen if the spouse went on principle? At best, they would be able to build new families. But a feeling of resentment would eat them all their lives.
Conclusion
Sometimes the closest friends become blood enemies. But is there always a good reason for this? The inability to forgive is one of the greatest vices to be dealt with. Before breaking up friendships, think about whether the resentment outweighs all the positive moments that you had to endure together?