Probably, jokes about the army appeared also because ordinary people live as fun as students. But keep in mind: if you are taught, fed, dressed and treated for free, it is possible that there is a parade ground outside the windows and a ferocious ensign nearby!
From the life of privates and officers
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Once, from the ordinary Zilberman stole fat from the nightstand. He complained to the sergeant.
“But do Jews eat lard?” he asked in surprise.
“So I didn’t eat,” said Zilberman. - I greased them with blisters on the heels ...
It was here that Private Tychko felt sick.
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The deputy politician asks the private officer why he went to serve in the army:
- So it is ... I want to protect the country.
- Set aside to stumble! What else?
- The army will make me a real man.
- Yes. Yet!
- And in general, no one asked me ...
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Private comes back from an AWOL. To meet him general. Private salutes:
“Good morning, Comrade Major!”
- What major are you to me? Can't you see whether there are stripes on the trousers, an oak wreath on a cockade?
- Ah, forester? However, you scared me!
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- In the Russian army, the "Soldier of Fortune" division has been created and is actively functioning, ”the general says.
- ABOUT! And what service do they carry?
- Conduct planting and weeding work at general's dachas.
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A soldier sends a package with a grenade to his grandmother: "Grandmother, pull the ring, and I will get three days leave!"
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Demobilization soldier arrives home:
- Mother! It's me! I came!
Mother without raising her head from the computer:
“And why so long?” I began to worry already ...
- Mom, I actually returned from the army.
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- Private Vasin! Suppose you are standing at a post and you see that a person is crawling towards you. What are you going to do?
- I'll take the battalion commander home.
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The colonel is trying to tell a joke. The officers are laughing. All but one.
“But what’s not funny to you, Comrade Lieutenant?”
- Nope. I'm not from your unit at all, Comrade Colonel.
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The little colonel's daughter buzzes, turning to his father:
- Dad! And let the elephants still run!
- Daughter, the elephants are tired.
- Well, papa ...
- Ah, you are my swallow ... Well, okay. Rota, wear gas masks!
***
Two old women went to the forest for mushrooms and got lost. They strayed-stranded, suddenly they see - towards them the ensign. They rejoiced at him too:
“Comrade officer, are we going to the station right?”
- Nothing's right. Who walks like that? The foot is indistinct and the knees wobble.
"Where did you serve, bro?"
Jokes about the army, as a rule, are not common. Because different military branches have their own jokes. Otherwise it can not be.
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But they say that from next year only those who can’t swim in the navy will be called up. Can you imagine how they will protect their ships?
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On the plane, the major announces to the company of paratroopers:
- So it is. We fly to Afghanistan.
The faces of the soldiers are gloomy.
“For the head of every murdered dushman, command commits itself to pay a prize of a thousand dollars!” - adds the commander.
The plane enters the landing, rides on the runway, stops. The soldiers rush, who where. And after a while they come back, each holding several goals.
“What are you guys,” the pale major mutters. - We sat in Tashkent, only to refuel ...
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“Why were you deducted from the sub?”
- It became stuffy, but I opened the window ...
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The most unpleasant phrase for the sapper: "One leg here - the other there."
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A border guard with a dog pace along the border strip. Suddenly they hear a rustling sound. The border guard tells the dog:
- Who is it? Go look!
- Go yourself. I can bark from here too!
Hello! Who's in touch?
Everyone in the army laughs at the quality of communications in the army . Therefore, jokes about signalmen in the army - separately.
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The kids from the construction battalion will be replaced by an excavator, and the signalman will be worthless - and why do you need a new tractor?
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Signal Prayer: "Lord, hear me! Once, once, once ...".
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The connection is like air: until it messes up - no one notices.
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A woman called the Society for the Protection of Animal Rights:
- Hello? In my yard, a postman climbed a pole, sits and swears obscenely at my shepherd!
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Communication is the study of contacts. Where they should be, they are not, but where they should not, there is always!
Jokes about the army begin when you are still in civilian life ...
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I heard? The Ministry of Defense is conducting an action: bring two “clients” with you - and get exemption from military service.
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“Well, so,” the commissar quietly takes an interest in a recruiter who wants to slope. - Two thousand dollars or a construction battalion?
“Well, so,” the draftee shows in response the camera on. - YouTube or a white ticket?
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Military Commissariat Medical Commission. Optometrist, shows the top line of the table:
- See?
Draftee:
- I see!
Doctor:
- And lower?
Draftee:
- I see the second, the third - no.
- You’ll go to snipers. Who is next?
The next one says that he does not see below the second line.
“I see,” the doctor says. “To your fleet.” Following!
Another guy says that he generally does not see a single line from the table.
- Well, you're a cunning! Go on reconnaissance!
Jokes about the French army
And here are jokes and jokes about the French army, which managed to become classics.
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French and English troops were facing each other.
- Gentlemen, start first you! - the French commander turned to the British.
- Well, I do not. You start!
- Yes, shoot, gentlemen!
- Not! Wait for you, - the British persisted.
... The eighty-sixth year of the Hundred Years War dragged on painfully ...
***
“Gustav, why did your company scatter?”
“You yourself said, Mr. Colonel: act like in a war!”
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- When will the French army launch an offensive?
- When the enemy comes to her rear!
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- And they say the truth that there is no such thing in the world that could not be used as a weapon?
- Not true. There is also a French army.
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“What are you looking out for here, Paul?”
- Yes, I see where the Russians will advance.
“Why do you need this?”
- Tell your where to run, if that.
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Go to war without the French army? Yes, it's like going hunting without an accordion!
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There is always a choice: to continue to stand in one place, like the French, or to do at least something!
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- How many French warriors are needed to defend Paris?
- Who knows. This has never happened in history!
Short and fun
And here are the shortest jokes about the army.
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The real paratrooper will first run as much as he can, and then another - how much he should.
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A platoon of Estonian scouts, trying not to make a fuss, crept to the enemy headquarters. For a month, residents of all surrounding villages managed to look at it.
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It is clear why the rise in the army at six in the morning: the only thing you want to do in the early morning is to kill.
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Invented a new army Rubik's Cube. For the junior officers - solid, for the senior - monolithic.
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Well, and finally:
I want to serve, but better - as a general!