Probably, the mention of sailors causes many to associate with the vast expanses of water, travel and courageous people. However, work related to the elements of the sea is not only romance, but also hard work. And since humor often helps to cope with difficulties, representatives of this profession themselves sometimes come up with jokes about sailors. We present to the reader a selection of such funny stories.
Captain, captain smile!
Both on land and at sea, tense situations often arise in relations between superiors and subordinates. Some jokes about sailors and talk about similar cases.
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Rear Admiral fell overboard and was rescued by a sailor. Recovering a little, he asked the sailor:
“How can I thank you for such a brave deed?”
“The best way, sir, is not to tell anyone about it.” If other sailors find out, then I will be overboard.
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The old captain and his first assistant recall the past days of service in the navy.
Captain: “Despite the raging elements and a terrible clatter, you always brought me a full mug of tea for the night. How did you manage to do this without splashing a single drop? ”
First Mate: “Very simple. "In the galley, I drank a sip of your tea, and in front of the cabin door I spat out it back into the mug."
There are also such jokes about sailors, where the captain has the last word.
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The old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the pier. Next to him sat a young man with a mohawk on his head. The strands of his hairstyle were like a rainbow and simply stunned with a riot of colors. Such a picture, of course, interested the old sea wolf, and he stared at the young man with curiosity.
“What's the matter, grandfather?” Didn’t you do crazy things in your youth?
- Yes, it did, of course. Once he got drunk to the blue devils and slept with a parrot. And now I'm sitting and thinking, maybe you're my son?
From life
Many jokes about sailors are based on real funny stories. And here is one of them.
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Night, storm and blackout. Directly at the heading of the ship a weak ray of light breaks through. The captain sees him and, terrified by a possible collision, runs into the radio room.
When he gets to the radio, he says: "Change course ten degrees east."
“Change yours ten degrees to the west,” the answer comes.
Captain: “I am the captain of the Navy! Change your course! ”
“I am a second-class sailor,” the next answer returns. “Change your course.”
The captain is furious. “I'm on the battleship! I do not change course! ”
The sailor replies: “And I'm at the lighthouse!”
Witty
Always interesting and funny jokes about sailors with an unexpected ending.
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Two sailors have dinner with a fish dish and talk about its benefits.
First: "I heard that fish is very useful for the brain."
Second: "I agree, I eat it all the time."
The first thoughtfully looking at the second: "Well, or another theory!".
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Sign: If you see that the seagull is flying its ass forward, then the wind is really very strong.
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The old boatswain died. In his will, he indicated that his ashes should be scattered over the sea. To fulfill the will of the deceased went on a boat two young sailors. When they are offshore a sufficiently large distance, one says to the other:
- Just right, come on!
- What to give?
- Shovel, damn it!
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Shipwreck, the crew works smoothly, seating passengers on lifeboats. One man hesitates and asks the sailor:
“How far is the land from here?”
“About a mile,” the sailor grumbles gloomily.
- And the direction?
- Vertical.
Joke about sailors without women
Probably, many people know the sign that a woman on a ship is in trouble. Therefore, the long absence of the fair sex in the life of men in this harsh profession was the reason for composing jokes.
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Excerpt from the navigator's diary:
“After ten months of swimming, I made a discovery for myself. It turned out that I no longer like seafood. I had to fill in the disappointment with rum and find solace in men's caresses.
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After the shipwreck, several sailors were thrown onto a desert island. They spent several years there. Once, one of them saw that some object was swinging on the waves near the shore. When he swam closer, he discovered that it was a keg, and a beautiful woman was holding onto it. She looked imploringly at the sailor and said:
“Save me, and I will give you what you have been dreaming of for so long.”
The sailor replies enthusiastically: “Is there really beer in the keg?”