In the Soviet years, jokes about Brezhnev were very popular. In this article you can find some of them. Here are the funniest jokes about Brezhnev based on the results of several ratings.
International relationships
Leonid Ilyich is visiting the United States for the first time. After the official meeting, the so-called conversation without ties takes place. Naturally, the dear guest is treated with various American-made dishes. Leonid Ilyich, as an ardent Communist and an adversary of everything Western, decided to pin his colleague up and inquired: "And at whose expense is this banquet?" The American president was a resourceful man and did not go into his pocket for a word. He immediately found something to answer: “Let's go to the window!” Do you see this bridge? Instead of spending $ 10 million, we spent 9 on it. Well, actually ... "
The following year, the American president paid a return visit to the Soviet Union. Again after the official meeting there was an informal part. The leader of the American nation, in turn, inquired from the Secretary General: "And what money was all this banquet?" Leonid Ilyich, without thinking twice, says: “Come to the window! Do you see the bridge? ” The American president made a negative gesture with his head. Leonid Ilyich says: “Well, actually ...”.
By piece of paper
Brezhnev meets with Margaret Thatcher, who flew on a visit to the Soviet Union. The Secretary General, along with accompanying persons, approaches the gangway of the plane from which the Iron Lady descends, and takes out a piece of paper from his jacket pocket, on which he begins to read: "Dear Indira Gandhi ...". A secretary standing nearby pulls him and whispers in his ear: “Leonid Ilyich, this is Margaret Thatcher!” Brezhnev begins to read again: “Dear Indira Gandhi!” Again the adviser interrupts the Secretary General: “Leonid Ilyich, this is Thatcher!” Brezhnev says : "I see that is Thatcher. But it’s written "Gandhi." "
Brezhnev arrives in the Uzbek Soviet Socialist Republic. He is met by the local government in full force. According to Eastern tradition, Uzbeks greet the guest with the words "Salam Aleikum!" Leonid Ilyich, according to all the rules of oriental etiquette, replies: "Aleikum salam!". The delegation of Uzbek pioneers also comes to Brezhnev and also says: "Salam Aleikum!" The five-time Hero of the Soviet Union also answers this: "Aleikum salam." Then a group of Uzbek workers came to the Soviet delegation who knew only two words in Russian “Soviet Union”, nevertheless, they decided to demonstrate their brilliant knowledge and said: “Soviet Union”. To this, the Secretary General, without hesitation, answered them: "Soviet Union."
Jokes about Brezhnev and Suslov and not only
Many creations of folklore are also devoted to the peculiar diction of the leader. Here is one of the jokes about Brezhnev on this topic. At a meeting of the Central Committee of the Communist Party, Leonid Ilyich fell asleep. Having woken up, the leader leans to the ear of Suslov sitting next to him and says: "The idea ...". Suslov makes a questioning gesture with his head. Brezhnev again approaches the ear of his comrade-in-arms and says: "The idea ...". To which Comrade Suslov again makes a questioning gesture with his head. Brezhnev, once again lowering his voice to a whisper, says: "And de I am?".
And now a small joke from a fantastic series about the leader of the Soviet people. Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev was in our day and, since he is no longer in the status of the country's leader, but is making an unofficial visit, so to speak, he decided to go shopping for equipment and choose a new refrigerator to return to his bright past with a purchase. Seeing a suitable model, he wonders with the seller how much this device costs. A store employee calls the price 35,000. Brezhnev exclaims: “Well, if it’s cents, then it’s expensive!”
Poems
All citizens of Russia studied at the school Nekrasov's poem "Who should live well in Russia?" And many even remember from there passages that they taught in childhood. But the continuation of this topic, the rhyme "Who in Russia began to live well under the Soviet regime?"
Gagarin Yurka, barmaid Nyurke,
Leonid Brezhnev, and the rest - as before.
Great speaker
Many jokes about Brezhnev are devoted to his brilliant ability to make speeches.
Although new jokes about him have not been heard for thirty years. However, Soviet jokes about Brezhnev are still very popular.
So, Leonid Ilyich speaks at the opening of the next song contest. He begins his welcoming speech with the following words: "I am old ... I am old ... I am a super star."
Secretary General held a meeting with workers in the meat industry. During his speech, he constantly used the phrase "socialist countries." After the meeting, the workers of the meat processing plant sent a letter to the leader promising to remove from the production the "fucking sausages" that Leonid Ilyich mentioned.
Jokes about Brezhnev and the Politburo
Leonid Ilyich at the meeting says: “Our government has recently become extremely uncivilized! I am unhappy with this state of affairs! You need to do something about it! It is necessary to fight against manifestations of lack of culture and tactlessness. For example, yesterday, at the funeral of Comrade Suslov, when the music began to play, only I invited the lady to dance. ”
Under Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev, the people were promised the establishment of communism in the Soviet Union by 1980. Under Leonid Ilyich, they decided to replace communism with the Olympics.
Secret leverage
And here is one of the vulgar jokes about Brezhnev.
During a visit by Leonid Brezhnev, Secretary General of the CPSU Central Committee to the United States, President Carter gives him a tour of the White House. At the end of this meeting, the president proudly leads his colleague to a special secret control panel that hangs in a specially equipped office. The president proudly says: “If you press this lever, which is painted red, then Leningrad will fly into the air!” A politician with peripheral vision monitors the reaction of the Soviet leader, but he maintains outward calm.
Carter decided to enhance the effect of his speech with the following sentence: “If I turn this lever, which is painted green, Moscow will fly into the air.” The head of America turns to his guest and waits for his response. Brezhnev, keeping calm, says the following: "You know, Mr. Carter. I had a familiar Polish girl. She came from a very wealthy family. In her mansion there were two toilets, in one of them the toilet was red, and in the other green. But when Soviet military equipment entered Warsaw, it was made right on the street. ”
Age of Stagnation
A citizen of the Soviet Union comes to the grocery store during the reign of Leonid Brezhnev. He turns to the saleswoman with the following sentence: "You have no bread?" The trade worker answers him: "Comrade, there is no milk in our department, but there is no bread in the next, bread department."
Savvy
Finally, a couple more jokes about Brezhnev.
Leonid Ilyich read in a Western magazine that in Europe, before placing a person in a leadership position, he is tested for an intellectual test. The General Secretary calls Andropov to him and tells him: “Guess the riddle: who is your father’s son, but not you?” Andropov says he needs an hour to think. Brezhnev summoned Suslov to himself and also asked him the same riddle, “Your father’s son, but not you?” He immediately finds the right answer: “This is my brother.” After a while, Andropov returned and didn’t find the right answer Leonid Ilyich tells him: "Well, you are a fool, Andropov! "The son of your father, but not you - this is Suslov’s brother!"
A new plumber has appeared in the Kremlin. He not only set up the water supply, but also put music in the toilets. The plumber sees that Shevardnadze is going to help, and put him the song "Suliko." Shevardnadze leaves the toilet and says: "I declare thanks to you." The next to go to the toilet was Chernenko. The plumber turned on the song "Nese Galya Water" to him. Chernenko also thanked the new employee. When Leonid Brezhnev went to the toilet, the plumber turned on him the anthem of the Soviet Union. Brezhnev comes out and says the plumber: "Do you work the first day?" He said that the first. Brezhnev says: "First and last. Because of you, I had to meet a great need while standing."