Philophobia is a fear of falling in love. This is a definite mental deviation, which includes a strong fear of positive emotions towards another person. A person suffering from this disorder is afraid of sincere and intimate feelings, which on his part can be addressed to another individual.
Features
Philophobia (or fear of falling in love) mainly appears in people who are interested in it. Often in their dreams or ideas, they connect their happiness with love, but in reality, in every possible way, suppress this desire in themselves.
As a rule, the fear of falling in love appears when, having suffered once, a person never wants to feel a strong and strong attachment to someone else.
Do not part with your loved ones
The main fear that a phylophobe develops is the fear of falling in love. He is frightened that this feeling arises spontaneously, in itself, often it is completely impossible to control. Great influence is exerted by the memories of previous relationships, when love made literally the inside out the deep qualities, while only good ones. All this does not allow a person to fall in love again, he has a kind of phobia, a fear of falling in love.
In most cases, phylophobia develops after the lovers break up. The longer the previous relationship, the stronger this mental deviation may turn out to be. As a result, the soul of such a person is filled with emptiness, after which depression begins. The latter is easily explained by the disappointment in love and emotional affection for a person who has been dear and close for a long time.
Because of this, the vulnerable person is afraid to fall in love again, again to feel apathy and disappointment after another breakup. In such a state, auto-aggression, bitterness, resentment, irritation, a state of complete helplessness, sadness, a significant decrease in vitality are also characteristic.
These painful memories provoke phylophobia. Now you know what the fear of falling in love is called. A man deep inside himself is afraid to once again experience the sensations associated with love breaking.
Causes
There are more chances that the causes of such a condition will appear in the unsociable person. Among the common causes, psychologists single out a huge number of situations after which this disorder can begin to develop.
Signs of phylophobia are that future elects can not stand any comparison with past love, a real philophobia is not able to accept even slight deviations from the perfection that I observed in the past, for him it becomes impossible to compromise, and therefore the subsequent relationship.
A person who is afraid to remain disappointed excludes any prolonged contact with the opposite sex. The reasons may include articles of murder within the family, rape of a woman, fear of losing their integrity, losing a partner, raising a family with a cruel and indifferent stepmother or stepfather. Phylophobia can even provoke the appearance of a younger child, which will attract the attention and care of parents.
In adulthood, phylophobia can form in a person who is afraid of real financial responsibility for the object of his love, and in childhood it can provoke the departure of one of the parents from the family due to falling in love. Often fear of intimacy is experienced by people who have lost a child in a happy marriage, as well as those who fear losing independence, are convinced that love can bring misfortune.
Fictional ideal
Often a certain role, especially for an unsociable person, in this matter can be played by parents. The rudiments of phylophobia are formed in childhood because of the father or mother, who suppress the personality of the teenager in everything, putting a negative attitude towards the opposite sex into his unconscious mind. As a result, in adolescence, the ideal of a loved one begins to form, which in reality cannot be achieved. If a person’s personality has not yet been fully formed, he may not be aware of this, since the ideal that he forms for himself is based solely on works of art, but neither knights from medieval novels, nor Captain Arthur Gray on a ship with red sails in real life can not be. However, such a collective image of the ideal companion is formed at the subconscious level, turning into a real defense against life. When a child grows up, he is not able to accept an imperfect person next to him. The result is shyness, anxiety and difficulty during contacts, self-doubt.
A change in values and life guidelines, for example, changed professional interests, new work, can affect the emergence of such a state. It is especially difficult when such a phobia develops among those who really need such a feeling. This may indicate the need to realize their internal potential.
Ultimately, phylophobia dooms a person to loneliness, making him unhappy.
Symptoms
The treatment methods and symptoms of phylophobia are well known to modern psychologists who have learned to cope with this condition. It is manifested by the appearance of panic horror and fear of love or love. Such fear pushes a person to destroy at the initial stage any relationship.
It is misleading to believe that this problem is familiar only to women. Philophobia in men is not less common, it also develops hard. What distinguishes such people is that they can feel comfortable and relaxed only with those representatives of the opposite sex, in which, in principle, they are not able to fall in love or become attached to them.
Craving for loneliness
As a result, over time, philophobes as partners or even spouses choose people who have disdain for them, mock. Such relationships allow them to feel relatively safe, but in most cases they still tend to be alone.
It’s easy to get to know phylophobe. This is a man who is closed from the outside world, who avoids even the semblance of flirting, open conversations and questions, is indecisive, constantly blushes, may stutter, feel awkward and anxious when he has to talk with representatives of the opposite sex.
An individual, as a rule, lacks a will and a desire for constancy, because of the likelihood of experiencing a repeated fear of loss or separation, panic fear develops.
Victim or aggression
A person suffering from such a condition develops a sense of aggression or a victim complex. It is possible to establish what type of patient a patient is based on the results of psychiatric tests.
The manifestation of aggression is characterized by a feeling of one’s own wrongness, because of which a person constantly has to blame himself, a form of auto-aggression may even appear. Love is peculiar to everyone, but fear in a particular case takes precedence over the phylophobe, begins to dominate him. Only psychologists can help to understand such a serious condition. The development of feelings of aggression is explained by childhood injuries or unsuccessful previous relationships.
The victim's complex manifests itself in the list of relevant emotions and feelings. This is resentment, humiliation, helplessness, sadness, regular sad memories. It is worth noting that the feelings of sacrifice in the female are much higher than in the male. Filofob often feels completely helpless, unable to overcome the consequences of what happened. Often begins to unreasonably blame himself for the breakup that has taken place, to get angry for the inability to predict the development of events in time.
Characteristic behavior
To others, the behavior of the phylophobe may seem strange. The consequence of this strong anomaly is not only childlessness and loneliness. People can decide to consciously disfigure themselves.
For example, they refuse to use cosmetics, take care of themselves, and can begin to disfigure the body with burns, scars and tattoos. Bring themselves to extreme obesity, doing everything so that their appearance becomes as repulsive as possible.
For the worse, they change as individuals, displaying open aggression against those they like, treating them kindly. As a result, among relatives and friends they can be considered home sadists who are confident that they love a partner much more than they would like.
Psychologists even managed to establish a universal formula by which the phylophobe acts. Building relationships, he chooses a partner, expects from him evidence of love, attention, interest. But as soon as he receives them, he immediately pushes him away from himself.
Importance of love
Like any mental disorder, this condition needs treatment. Only a professional can help a real philophobe.
To do this, you need to understand that a person remains social, and love for him is still an important component of life. Refusing her consciously is simply criminal. Of course, throughout life in a relationship you can encounter different experiences.
People who do not suffer from phylophobia understand that due to romantic feelings they can seriously win. For them, relationships become an opportunity to express themselves.
Treatment
In such a situation, the task of psychotherapists should be to convince a person that love prevents sober thinking and reasoning only for the first time. After a very short time this passes, the emotions subside, so you should not be afraid of them so much.
Love is able to remove any internal clamps, solve complex problems. One must accept with all one’s heart a person giving this state, trust such a person, not forgetting about himself as an independent and independent person.
Having opened up to a new partner, a person himself will be able to know himself better, begin to improve. In this case, even negative experience is useful. Having experienced failure, the individual begins to grow up, he has the opportunity to move forward, not experiencing more fear.
Final deliverance
It is important for the psychiatrist that the patient is imbued with trust in him. In this state, state-correcting conversations help. In this case, the phylophobe himself is aware of his problem, in the future this helps him to get rid of it.
In most cases, the prognosis in this situation is favorable.