This article contains the most ridiculous intellectual jokes. All of them are devoted to various topics and were created at different times. But today they cause laughter and contribute to a good mood.
It’s best to start this selection of clever, funny short jokes with a phrase that seems pretty witty to some.
The words of any, even the most educated person is nothing compared to the stupid things that foolish people express. Such speeches are much more unexpected, and therefore make a greater impression.
Philological joke
In medieval England, the creation of archers takes place.
The first participant enters the arena. He takes aim from his weapon and, on the first attempt, falls into an apple, which is on the head of a volunteer standing a few meters from him.
Spectators in the stands begin to applaud furiously. The shooter turns to them and proudly says: "Ay , m Robin Hood." A few minutes later, when the ovations subside, the next contender for the title of best archer enters the middle of the arena. He pulls the bowstring of his weapon, easily falls into the apple, located on the head of a person standing at a great distance. The audience reacted to his speech with extremely loud cries of approval. The valiant knight turns to the audience and says loudly: “Ay , m Lancelot.” Under the stormy applause of the audience, the archer leaves the arena. When the noise in the audience ceased, a third competitor appeared. He is significantly superior in height to all previous knights. His bow is twice as many as the weapons of his rivals. He picks up an arrow, which in its dimensions is more like a spear, puts it in a bow, shoots an apple on a person’s head and misses it. The knight hit the volunteer's head. He fell dead. The archer, as if nothing had happened, turned to the audience and said, "Ai , m quarrel."
Anecdote from the master
And here is an intellectual anecdote that the famous Soviet film actor and clown Yuri Vladimirovich Nikulin once told in his television program .
Do you know why a tram rattles when it goes on rails?
Let's figure it out together. Tram moves on rails using wheels. This part of it is a circle, if we talk about its geometric shape. Therefore, to calculate the area of ​​the wheel, you need to use the following formula: pi p square. Pi is a constant number. Therefore, it must be excluded from the formula. P is the radius. In this case, its size is unknown. Therefore, this value should also be excluded. It remains a square. When it rolls, it always thunders.
Eastern wisdom
In Kazakhstan, there is a competition of performers playing the folk instrument dombra. The first contestant performs the most complicated piece. His fingers run at a fast pace on the fretboard of the instrument. In addition, the music played by the virtuoso, he wrote himself.
The contestant also impressed the audience with his impeccable performing technique. He, like the previous musician, wrote the play himself, which he presented to the audience and the jury.
The third contestant did not make a special impression on the public. The work he performed consisted of only one, repeatedly repeated note. This boring play sounded for about half an hour.
As a result, by unanimous decision of the jury, the main prize was awarded for the third performance. The public is indignant. The hall does not want to disperse for several minutes and demands that the chairman of the jury enter the stage. In the end, he appears before the audience and says: “The main prize was awarded to the third contestant because he is elderly and experienced. Fingers, unlike other musicians, do not run and do not look for the desired note, but have already found it. ”
Ambiguous replica
At one of the lectures at the Faculty of Philology, the teacher asks students to compose a question, the answer to which would sound both negative and positive at the same time. Only one person managed this task. The answer his answer was: "Here is an example of a question and an ambiguous answer to it.
- Will you drink vodka?
“Ah, leave it!”
World of music
Intellectual anecdotes may include those related to professional humor. For example, many musicians are extremely fond of joking. Therefore, they tell each other jokes on the topic of their professional activities. Here is some of them.
In a music school in a class on harmony, the teacher asks the question: “What is a dominant?” The pianist rises and says: “Dominant is one of the three main mode functions. This chord is built on the fifth level of the scale. " The teacher says: “That's right! But maybe someone can express the same thing in other words? ”
The accordion player stands up and answers: “Dominant is such a button on the left keyboard, which is located just above the tonic.”
There is a rock concert of the world famous group. All songs have already been played. The musicians bowed and left, one solo guitarist remained. He plays for about half an hour, then stops, and, wiping the sweat from his forehead, he says: “Finally, I caught up with the pace !!!”.
Entertaining story
Next, the text of the most intellectual anecdote according to some publications will be presented to readers. He is on a historical theme. And since last year the 100th anniversary of the Great October Revolution was celebrated, it sounds quite relevant.
October 1917 In Petrograd, grandmother and granddaughter are sitting on the balcony.
Armed people are walking past the building. An old woman, looking at them, asks her young relative: “Do you happen to know who they are?” She replies: “These are the Bolsheviks. They want to make a revolution. ” Grandma again wonders: “What changes do they want to achieve?”
Granddaughter says: “The newspapers write that the Bolsheviks want the rich not to be.”
Grandma shook her head and said in surprise: “Strange! Now, when I was young, and the Decembrists wanted to arrange a revolution, they sought to ensure that there were no poor. ”
Jokes about smart
When you read the works of English and American authors in the original, it can be difficult to understand all the subtleties of the plot, because the same thought constantly revolves in my head: “How smart I am!”.
As one great writer said ... True, no one remembers his name and what exactly he said. But the thought was clever.
As you know, the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates was extremely unpretentious to the conditions of his life. He almost always ate pasture. Once a rich man came up to him and said: “If you worked with my master, you would not have to eat such bad food.” To this, the sage replied: “If you ate such food as me, then you would not have to work for your master!”
Megalomania
There is also a fair amount of intellectual humor on a religious subject. Here is an example of such a joke.
In the monastery church, three monks pray. One turns to the Lord God with these words: “My father, how insignificant before you! Compared to your greatness, I’m just a speck of dust, while you are a whole universe! ”
The second prayer began with the following words: “Lord, I am so small and miserable that I can only be compared with a microbe, which millions even in a human nail are contained in.”
The third monk, falling into religious ecstasy, exclaims: “Father, I am so insignificant in front of your face that I am only like a miserable earthworm!” Two other monks, glancing at each other, unanimously say: “Yes, what does he think of himself? He simply has megalomania! ”
Modern issues
The following examples of humor rightfully occupy their place of honor in this list of intellectual jokes.
Nothing is more powerful in the home than interruptions in the Internet.
What is social justice? In order to understand this thoroughly, you need to consider the following example.
There are two apples and two people: an adult and a child. So, equality is when each fruit is cut into two equal parts. Both an adult and a child will be taught one share of each apple.
The justice can be called the case when a large fruit goes to an adult, since his body weight is much greater than that of a child.
And social justice will be shown if the big apple is given to the child, because he is a small apple.
The ingenious decision
Many people find intellectual jokes the funniest. They usually cite short stories like this:
The Titanic is shipwrecked. All passengers in a panic run around the decks.
Suddenly, a man swims up to a sinking ship in a boat and begins to speak to the captain in a language for the deaf-mute. There was one sign language interpreter on the ship. They turned to him at that moment for help.
He carefully looked at the gestures that the man showed, and said: “This gentleman says that his name is Gerasim. He asks if there is anyone on the ship who wants to buy his dog? ”
Great writer
The beginning of the 20th century. A train is rushing through central Russia. He drives through the countryside. A representative of the nobility is looking out the window. He sees a man in bast shoes and a Russian shirt walking across the field behind a plow. The nobleman says to his young son: “You see, my dear, this man? This is a simple peasant. He has been working hard all his life. You can, of course, call him dirty and ignorant, since he received absolutely no education. But such people are also needed by society, it is thanks to them that we have the opportunity to receive bread daily at our table. Therefore, you and I must be grateful to this hardworking plowman. " The train has long been hidden behind the horizon, and Count Leo Tolstoy continued to cultivate arable land ...
Scientific experiments
Representatives of any profession believe that the most intellectual jokes are written about them. Scientists are also no exception to this rule. Here are the jokes about them.
An experiment is being conducted at one research institute. An engineer and a professor of mathematics were placed in a special chamber.
At the other end of the room was a naked girl.
The only condition was set for the mathematician and engineer: every 10 minutes they can move towards the lady. But only one half of the remaining distance is allowed to pass at a time. The engineer immediately began to move, and the professor of mathematics ignored the offer and remained in place. They talked about the reasons for their decisions.
Mathematician: "I haven’t gone anywhere, because I understand very well that I can never overcome the entire distance between me and the girl."
Engineer: "I agree to go halfway each time, because I understand very well that in the near future I will get a result suitable for practical use (I will be at a fairly close distance)."
An engineer, a physicist, and mathematics were given an equal amount of building materials and asked to enclose as much territory as possible with their help. The engineer built a fence around the perimeter of the rectangle. This fence was distinguished by its durability and strength.
The territory fenced by a physicist had the shape of a circle - thus he was able to enclose a larger area than the engineer’s fence.
The mathematician, on the other hand, separated a fence half a square meter from the fence. He himself sat inside the erected fence and said: "Suppose that I am outside the fence."
And finally, another example of humor for smart people.
Two engineers drink, a pessimist and an optimist. The pessimist says: "The bottle is half empty." The optimist objects to him: “You are wrong! This vessel is half full. ” One of the engineers says: "The fact is that this capacity is twice as large as required." The second engineer, whose work experience was much longer than that of the first one, answered this: “You are all wrong! This bottle is just right for so much fluid. Moreover, its reliability coefficient is equal to two, which is a fairly high indicator. "
This article has been devoted to ridiculous intellectual jokes. It collected the best examples of this genre.