This article is devoted to jokes about Chechens. For all their external severity, representatives of this nationality also like to joke and laugh. Often they tell jokes about Chechens themselves.
Very rare
So, it's time to immerse yourself in the world of North Caucasian humor.
One old wise Chechen was asked how the Yeti differs from the Chechen homosexual. The sage replied: “Yeti is much easier to find.
Highly qualified specialist
Once a Moscow taxi driver had to bring a Chechen who worked as a speech therapist. The passenger decided not to lose time and by the end of the planned route corrected the speech defect for the driver. Now, instead of saying: “Before Domodedovo, 3,000 rubles, he says:“ You have only 200 rubles. ”
A joke about a Chechen in the military enlistment office
A representative of this Caucasian nationality was drafted into the army. He comes to the military registration and enlistment office and asks the commissioner: “But will they bring their own machine or will they give me?” The military man answers him: “You can even come by armored personnel carrier.” The guy replied: “Unfortunately, it will not work. Grandpa Hassan now plows a garden on it. ”
Show must go on...
And here is another old Chechen joke.
One native of the Caucasian republic, which is discussed in this article, tells another: “Yesterday I was at the circus show with my family. The famous crocodile trainer performed. A friend asks him: "It was probably very scary?"
And he answered him: “Yes, indeed, at first the crocodiles were a little afraid. They didn’t even want to enter the arena. But then nothing ... Learned. "
Fatal oversight
There is the first Chechen war. Terrorists gathered for advice. The leader says: “First of all, I want to honor the memory of our brother in arms, Muhammad, who died yesterday, laying a bomb in one of the enemy’s buildings.” Stunned militants ask: “How so? Why did he die? Explosives were very expensive! And the timer is set to high quality, made in Japan. ” The leader answers: “Yes, you are right. But Muhammad forgot to set his watch to daylight saving time. ”
Once again about the circus
If you still have not heard a joke about a Chechen sniper in a circus, be sure to read it.
In Grozny, a man comes to the circus with a rifle on which an optical sight is screwed. At the arena, the entertainer announces: “You have not seen such a thing! The flight of an acrobat under the circus dome! ”
The Chechen, taking aim, says: “I already saw how acrobats fly, now I want to see how they fall. This is a real death number. ”
Fulfillment of desires
Next, you are offered two jokes about the Chechens and a goldfish.
Here is the first one.
The Chechen fished all day, but didn’t catch anything. He was about to go home, when he suddenly saw that he was biting. A Chechen pulls out a fishing line, and a goldfish on a hook. She began to ask the mountaineer to let her go back into the river. She promised to fulfill any of his wishes. The Chechen did not know Russian well and did not understand what she was offering him. Then the fish began to explain: “For example, the other day I caught a hook to a fisherman from Dagestan. So he asked me for a billion euros. And what do you want?"
The Chechen says: “Tell me the name, surname and patronymic, as well as the address of that Dagestan.”
And here is the second funny joke about a Chechen and a fish.
Another resident of Grozny got such a fabulous catch. The happy Chechen exclaims: “Well, finally! We need to cook it in sour cream! ” According to tradition, the fish says: “I will do everything you want. Just let me go. ” The Chechen replies: “I said that I want to fry you in sour cream. And nobody knows how to do it better than me! ”
Exact data
There are also many jokes about Chechens and Russians. Here is one of them. There is the first Chechen war. At headquarters, the commander dictates a telegram: "Yesterday, during the successful operation, 500 militants were destroyed." Then he thought a little and said: “Although not! Write that a thousand militants have been destroyed. How much can you spare them? ”
International communication
Next, several jokes about Chechens, Armenians, Russians, and some representatives of other nationalities will be presented to your court. Here is the first one.
Somehow, an Armenian and a Chechen argued which of them would be able to teach a wolf to speak his own language. The Armenian took out books, laid them out in front of the animal, for a long time explained the grammar rules to the beast. He spent several days in this class. But all his attempts were in vain.
It was the Chechen turn. He went to the animal and asked him: "Do you want to eat?" What the wolf howled sadly: "Woo !!!". And this, as you know, in the Chechen language means "yes."
A joke about a Chechen on a train
A representative of this mountainous nationality rides in the same compartment with the Russian and Chinese.
The Chechen took out cheese made from goat's milk, made a sandwich for himself, offered it to his companions, they also gladly enjoyed the product. But still, the highlander left a rather large chunk. The Chechen opened the window and threw away the cheese. Russian and Chinese looked at him in surprise. And the Chechen proudly said: “We have plenty of this good.”
After that, the time came for the Chinese to boast of the wealth of their country. He took out a smartphone of the latest model, talked on it with his relatives for 5 minutes and threw it out the window.
The comrades asked him why he had committed such an act. The Chinese waved his hand and said: "In my homeland such good in bulk." And the Russian took a Chechen by the collar and threw him out the window.
Parental care
One elderly Chechen is interested in another: “Are you not afraid for your son, who lives alone in Moscow, although he is still very young?”
And he answers him: “Not at all. After all, the police are constantly monitoring him. ”
As you can see, there are many funny and not very funny jokes about Chechens. And if you still doubt it, then here are a few more samples of folk art dedicated to people of this nationality.
Real horseman
There are two residents of the Russian capital. One of the other asks: “I heard that your wife is Jewish by nationality, is that true?” A friend answers him: “Yes, we have a fictitious marriage. I really married a Jewess. I need this in order to leave for Israel. And they told me that you have a Chechen wife. ”
A friend says to him: “And this is true. I married her because I want to stay living in Moscow. ”
The error came out
The old Chechen reports to his son: “It was better to learn Russian at school!” Now you would have avoided many problems if you would have listened to me. "The son looks at him questioningly. The old man continues:" For example, last week I asked you to call a taxi. What did you do? You took the bus instead! ”
And here is an old Chechen joke, which, according to rumors, is at least 100 years old.
One dzhigit comes to the mullah and asks the question: “Tell me, if I destroy an entire cart with tobacco, will this be considered a good deed in the eyes of Allah?” The representative of the clergy replies: “Of course, the Almighty will send his mercy for you!” Six months later, the Chechen says to the mullah: “I smoked a whole cart of tobacco and even more, but for some reason, Allah does not show me mercy.”
Here is another old joke on the same topic.
A Chechen asks the mullah: “Tell me, is smoking a sin or not?” The witty old man answered him this question: “If Allah wanted people to smoke, he would create them with chimneys on his head.”
Motorist
And here is another Chechen joke about communication between people of different nationalities.
They go in one compartment Ukrainian, Russian and Chechen. They talked, began to get acquainted. Russian appears: “My name is Ivan. Moskvich ". The Ukrainian says: “And I'm Mikola. Zaporozhets. "
And the Chechen said: "My name is Mahmoud. Toyota Corolla."
Hope for God, but don’t be bad
And finally, a joke about Chechens who, like Russians, love fast driving.
Two Chechens are going from their village to Grozny at a very high speed. One says to the other, who is driving: “Let's go slower, otherwise we'll crash!” The driver says: “Allah is with us! Everything will be fine! ” On the way back, the scorcher again developed a frantic speed. Again, a friend tells him: “It’s better to slow down, otherwise we’ll crash!” And again the driver replies: “Do not be afraid! Allah is with us! ” And he says: "There is nothing more for the Almighty to do than ride with us back and forth."