The usual sexual relationship of a person performs several functions. Interaction by the method of sadomasochism is exclusively suppression and submission. Here much attention is paid to the power, hierarchy and games that are played around relationships. In this article we will take a closer look at all aspects of BDSM psychology. And also find out if it is a disease or a simple release of guilt and stress relief?
What does BDSM mean?
Explanation of abbreviation:
- DB - bandage and discipline.
- DS is dominant and submissive, in other words dominance and submission.
- SM - sadomasochism.
The meaning of this practice is that people exchange power by depriving them of mobility, causing physical pain and humiliation. And the main condition is that all of the above is carried out by mutual agreement of both parties.
Many believe that only sick and unbalanced people can agree to this. But is it? Let's try to consider BDSM from the point of view of psychology.
On the one hand, in this practice there is no such a bright and pure concept as love, but on the other hand, it can be said that only true love can tolerate such bullying. Where is this line, each of us decides for himself.
The main aspect in BDSM is the strict framework of what is permitted, in other words, cruelty cannot be transferred from bed to real life. It all starts with the most harmless, but the consequences can be unpredictable. Therefore, each of the partners must maintain composure.
Some people think that the basis of BDSM is going to a sex shop and buying different themed toys. This is an erroneous opinion. The first step to start with is to overcome the psychological border between the couple. It is very important to find a connecting thread.
There are several reasons why couples resort to such an unconventional sexual method. The most important of these is relationship problems. Most often, this means that they lack vivid emotions and new sensations, and the sex life has become routine and monotonous. In this case, you need to look for a problem in the relationship of partners.
Although it is worth mentioning that showing interest in BDSM is not a tragedy. After all, the main thing is the result. The important thing is what changes have occurred and how they have affected everyday life, as well as the relationship of the couple in love.
Some rules of BDSM
In this practice, there is such a thing as a stop word. It is chosen by one of the representatives of the couple or both. This word means stopping the process. Such a word is used when the participant in the process is not yet ready for certain actions or words. This is part of a series of rules between the master and the subordinate.
The BDSM Code of Ethics prescribes to pre-select a safe word such as “gum” so that the lower one can say if he (a) wants to refuse or stop the activity. Replacing a scream or such concepts as “no” and “stop” with a safe word serves not only to protect the lower one, but also so that the realization of the fantasy of slavery, violence, etc., can be felt as realistic as possible.
In addition to the mental component, there are necessarily elements of BDSM. They include such attributes as lashes, handcuffs, various gags and other items. Also, the process itself involves obeying commands, slapping, tying and tying.
There are many varieties of special roles that are played out, but they are always described by the dynamics of two wider roles: "upper" and "lower". Upper - houses and / or sadists. The lower ones are subordinates and / or masochists.
Masochism and sadism in BDSM
A person who has a tendency to sadism, always chooses a weaker partner. Usually it is a masochist. Such is the BDSM psychology of the masochist. And vice versa, the one who likes masochism, is looking for a stronger partner - a sadist. It may seem that such a relationship will be harmonious. But these mechanisms are more complicated than you think.
For such people, the process proceeds only in one direction, without any changes. A sadist hurts, a masochist gets pain and both enjoy. But they cannot change places. The first will never take the place of the second, since for the sadist this option is unacceptable.
If the masochist wants to try something new, begins to show a tendency to sadism, the idyll of such a relationship collapses. If he encroaches on the place of his master, then he receives an even larger portion of pain. He has only two options: leave or stay. A sadist categorically refers to pain; he just loves to deliver it.
Important aspects of BDSM
The basis of this principle is not only the physical infliction of pain and getting high from this process. The meaning lies much deeper. First of all, the psychological and moral components are involved here. This side is embodied in the adoption of conditional play, insults and humiliations. It requires awareness.
In the subconscious of each masochist, a boundary must be drawn between the game and real life. One must be able to feel this framework. Otherwise, a person who loves pain in real life will provoke to humiliate him. And even more unpleasant consequences can follow these actions.
Such a person will receive the satisfaction that he desires. This can lead to expulsion from society. Such actions become the norm, become a habit. And to restore your authority will already be quite difficult. Therefore, having such inclinations, it is important to analyze the situation.
For people who cause pain, this aspect is most damaging. Indeed, humiliation and insult in real life can lead to serious consequences both for him and for others. In some cases, it even ends with a prison term. If you have a penchant for sadism, it’s important to learn how to keep your desires in check. It’s better to take it all out in the form of a game with your partner.
Is it a disease?
There is an international classification of diseases, according to which sadomasochism is a disorder of sexual preference. But many studies suggest that people who choose BDSM are completely healthy.
Scientists from the Netherlands have conducted a number of studies on this topic. They took two groups. The first - representatives of the BDSM community, the second - people with simple sexual preferences. They were called the control group. As a result, the study showed that among the first group there are fewer people prone to mental illness. Among them are many extroverts. They are open to new skills and experience. In general, they have better mental health than representatives of the control group.
This is probably due to the fact that BDSM lovers more often satisfy their desires, they are more honest and open than those who love classic sexual relationships. The latter are more susceptible to stress. Many of them can hide their sexual preferences, so as not to get out of society. Most likely this is due to fear.
Undoubtedly, a loophole can be found in the results of this analysis. After all, perhaps not everyone answered honestly and tried to show their best. However, many experts do not believe that BDSM should be included in the list of mental illnesses.
Now more and more often you can meet people who have either tried BDSM or have it in their plans. There is an opinion that this practice acts as a form of psychotherapy. With it, you can get rid of guilt and quench your desires, but do not become a loser in real life.
Scientists concluded that addiction to BDSM is regarded as a manifestation of sexual interest. In recent years, this is more of a subculture whose adherents do not have psychological problems.
Research results
As mentioned earlier, scientists from the Netherlands conducted an experiment. The survey results showed the following figures.
33% of men surveyed who practice this lesson love BDSM submission. They are more comfortable being the bottom member. 49% of them prefer to dominate and 18% can change roles.
Among women, 8% like the role of a lady, 75% like to obey a man, the rest allow a change of role.
Manifestation of BDSM dependence in women and men
Why do women like BDSM? Most of these women are infantile. Those ladies who like BDSM pain, have a number of features of psychosexual development, they stop at a certain stage of sexual development.
This model of behavior is laid in childhood. No wonder they say that it all depends on the upbringing of the child. Typically, girls or boys who grow up under constant prohibitions are most prone to BDSM. Such families are classified.
They prefer to protect the inner hearth of the family, practically do not interact with the outside world. Communication with society takes place exclusively in the form of formal contacts. Within the family, there are certain rules of conduct and standards. Each member must follow them. Parents raise their child, following the strict standards that they themselves create. They hide from the girl or boy many moments in order to protect them. As a result, they have no information about the correct model of sexual behavior, or the model is distorted. Such is their BDSM psychology.
All that is required of a child is obedience in everything. Then pain, love, and pleasure mix in the subconscious. And the borders between them cannot be drawn.
Do girls like BDSM? If the girl grew up in a gated family, she would like this practice. The same thing happens with guys.
Naturally, this is not the only case when women choose BDSM-humiliation. The cause may also be a sexual injury sustained in childhood or later. Then in the subconscious mind there is a change in sexual attitudes.
Very often, women confuse the concept of sexual abuse and rough sex. Violence is forced sex.
Speaking of BDSM, it implies coordinated sexual humiliation and submission. There is no room for violence. Therefore, in this practice, there are stop words that ask the partner to stop performing certain actions.
Why do men like BDSM? The answer to this question lies on the surface. This practice involves the manifestation of physical strength. A man in the role of a dominant likes his dominance. He considers himself more meaningful and domineering. Although quite often the guy plays the role of a subordinate. This may be due to injuries sustained in childhood. Often, boys who have had psychological problems and were raised without a father may be prone to BDSM.
It happens that standard sex is no longer interesting. Then the guy is forced to resort to another way of satisfaction. Such a peculiar BDSM psychology of men.
BDSM Practice Results
The lower partner pursues one goal: in the performance of his duties, he receives physical and psychological satisfaction from the actions of his master. There is a medical point of view that explains this feeling.
When a dominant performs certain actions, endorphins are produced in the partner's body. These are the so-called hormones of happiness, they enter a person into a state of euphoria. In combination with this, a partner can achieve such conditions as:
- Subspace is a trance state. It occurs when a large number of those endorphins are released. Basically, this result is achieved through physical action, or in combination with verbal humiliation. It should be noted that this condition is observed not only with BDSM practice. It is quite dangerous. Pain can be dulled, a sense of reality is lost. It also becomes extremely difficult to control what is happening. This can lead to dangerous consequences, because the lower partner is not able to signal to the second about his health. He cannot always stop the process if something goes wrong.
- Subdrop - this condition does not necessarily accompany every BDSM act. Most often achieved due to the inexperience of one of the participants in the process or because of its psychological problems. These are negative consequences, the effect of which can last for several days or hours. Often assigned to BDSM psychology of men.
- Orgasm - as a result of the actions of this practice, it is possible to obtain an orgasm, the same as during normal sex.
- Tears are in this case more likely a relaxation mechanism. Thus, the participants in the act achieve emotional relaxation and stress relief. It may also be the result of getting BDSM pain.
It should be noted that the purpose of such an act is to satisfy both partners. For the top, it is rather emotional enjoyment, the satisfaction of mental needs. For the lower, it is more a physical pleasure. But often it can be combined with a moral high.
BDSM in terms of psychology
This movement is based on the desires of those instincts that appeared in people in ancient times. Society does not accept this culture; rather, it even condemns it. Therefore, people who practice BDSM are most often forced to hide their addictions. The components of BDSM games are very emotionally colored, because most of what is used in them is forbidden or limited in society. In everyday life, the actions used in this practice negatively affect the human body, in the case when this is done unnecessarily.
The thirst for pain, oppression and submission is explained by the fact that a person does not have enough thrills and adrenaline. He is used to living in a safe society in which he lacks such emotions. Such is their BDSM psychology.
There is an opinion that the center of pleasure and pain is nearby and in some cases there is an emission of endorphins, which can block pain. From the point of view of psychology, the motive for submission may be due to the possibility of getting rid of the fear of losing a permanent partner or spouse.
In BDSM there is no need to comply, this practice makes it possible to present an exclusive partner to the partner - permission to show their dominance. This means that there is no need for the upper one to spend time building family ties or relationships. He feels the thrill of power over his partner.
Many explain the craving for this concept by the fact that under various influences you can feel relaxation, removal of emotional stress, arousal. In this case, BDSM dominates.
The need to let off steam due to accumulated negative emotions helps to achieve purification. If BDSM interaction is properly organized, then a person can achieve a strong emotional shock. This effect, in turn, acts as a cleansing of the negative. It can also be accompanied by a flurry of emotions that are individual for everyone. Then BDSM can be considered as psychotherapy.
Using this practice, you can simulate different situations. The experience that will be obtained after such work will have a beneficial effect on the mental state. This can help in personality development.
If you choose the right psychological games, then a person’s life can become more vibrant and fulfilling. After all, everyone knows that the more repressed feelings in a person, the worse life is.
In fact, many of those who are sharply critical of BDSM have experienced sexual arousal from pornographic images of BDSM, or even participated in BDSM with a partner or partners. BDSM advocates, hearing this, claim that these people have an internal BDSM phobia, just as LGBTQ representatives have internal homophobia, and they must learn to overcome their shame and accept their sexual desires.
Treatment
Psychology treatment for BDSM addiction has not yet been identified. There are no specific rules for getting rid of this ailment, unless of course it can be called such. In severe cases, when this principle manifests itself as a psychological disorder, a psychiatrist can prescribe treatment for a particular disease. Especially in the case when the inclinations of a sadist or masochist go beyond and are transferred to real life. Then psychology treatment of BDSM addiction is a rehabilitation course dedicated to self-control.
In general, BDSM practice is very ambiguous. On the one hand, it can be harmful, on the other, it can relieve emotional stress. Why do people like BDSM? Everyone has their own personal reason. To try or not is a personal matter for each person. But if you have already decided, then the main thing is not to forget about the main aspects, to learn more about the rules and BDSM psychology.