You understand that hormonal changes and routine have turned you from a passionate girl into just a mom. Good evenings and nights with your beloved husband left you. More often the reason lies in the fact that it became painful to have sex after childbirth, but it also happens that the psychological factors that need to be addressed are to blame.
Sex is the foundation of healthy family relationships between spouses. And the problem associated with the lack of intimacy needs to be addressed urgently.
Problem scale
A study in the UK showed that one in four couples has no postpartum sex. With the birth of the first child, young parents have many problems associated with intimate life.
Some men admitted that they have to make great efforts to persuade their spouse for sex.
According to the statistics of the survey, every second woman has sex after childbirth causes pain, others are confident that intimate life will no longer bring such enchanting pleasure as before. Every fourth man who has become a father refuses sex after the birth of the baby.
Young mothers attribute their unwillingness to constant fatigue, decreased libido and other hormonal changes, which lead to the fact that a woman does not want sex after childbirth.
When can I have sex after birth?
The girl should rely not only on her health, but also on the recommendations of the gynecologist, based on information on how much you can have sex after childbirth.
According to obstetricians, with standard births without complications, you can return to sexual life after 6 weeks. But this period can be called conditional, while the woman continues to have bloody discharge, sexual rest should be observed . This will help to avoid many postpartum complications, such as bleeding and endometritis.
As soon as the discharge is over, and the uterus approaches the complete recovery process, it will be worthwhile to visit a personal gynecologist. The doctor will check the condition of the vagina, the presence of gaps, assess the condition of the pelvic organs and take a smear for analysis, as well as suggest a method of contraception and advise on the possible onset of sexual activity.
The term, which determines how long you can have sex after childbirth, is 2 months, but only under the condition of easy childbirth. A severe postoperative period and serious tears require a longer period for recovery.
Contraception
It is believed that during breastfeeding it is impossible to become pregnant. But do not hope for such a way of protection. During lactation, the menstrual cycle does not recover immediately, so a woman can learn about a new pregnancy only at a time when she feels the fetal movements.
There are a number of drugs that are not able to penetrate the mother’s milk; a doctor can prescribe them. The spiral can be installed only two months after the birth of the baby, and only if there were no complications during childbirth.
Physiological changes
The postpartum period is stress for the body of a young mother. Most often, women experience fatigue, experience a depressive state, and only a small part of the fair sex quickly comes into equilibrium.
The most important thing is to surround the young mother with care and attention during this period. Most psychological changes occur at the hormonal level, and even though the baby spends more time eating and sleeping, the woman still feels sad and depressed.
Mothers who breastfeed receive an additional amount of the hormone prolactin, which lowers libido. A loving man during this period should support his beloved and be sympathetic to such changes. The restoration of the sexual process in the life of spouses should be gradual and careful in every sense.
After cesarean
Most women who give birth by Caesarean section, are sure that their recovery is much more complicated and requires more time, unlike natural births.
After a cesarean section, vaginal breaks are absent, which means that there is no pain in this area, and it follows that the first sex after childbirth will immediately give pleasure. The only drawback is the abdominal suture, which has to be regularly treated. The recovery period lasts as long as during natural childbirth. But unlike standard obstetric care, women who have sex after childbirth, having completed a Caesarean section, begin to enjoy sex more quickly, since changes in the cervix and vagina did not affect them.
Possible reasons for the lack of sex life
Sexual life ceases to bring pleasure after childbirth for the following reasons:
- Constant fatigue and stress. During the day, the young mother gives all the time and energy to the baby, and in the evening there remains a desire only to sleep and eat. A woman, squeezed like a lemon, can think of nothing but rest, not to mention sex.
- The appearance of a small child is a huge joy for parents, and especially for mothers, for whom the baby becomes the center of the universe, and, catering to him for days on end, the young woman forgets even about herself.
- The routine that occurs in the way of spouses does not give them inspiration. There are no longer lengthy conversations, quiet and romantic evenings. The whole world revolves around a little ruler.
- Complexes about the appearance. The shape and quality of the body is very changing and not for the better. At this moment, the husband should encourage her beloved and help her begin to get in shape.
- Dislike for spouse. Some mothers believe that they should belong exclusively to a small newborn. And if the husband needs attention, it is simply perceived with hostility. This is a serious psychological condition. And if this approach to motherhood does not pass over time, then the help of a qualified specialist is required.
- Resentment and conflict. Some parents relieve fatigue and stress by having sex. But, neglecting the interests of each other, sooner or later you can reduce the intimate side of life to nothing.
Any conflicts, irritation and resentment can destroy an important component of a healthy relationship between young parents. The sooner the reason for the lack of a sexual component is clarified, the faster life will sparkle with bright colors in bed.
Lack of sex after childbirth for medical reasons
Often, a missing desire to have sex with a loved one occurs due to hormonal changes that a woman has after giving birth.
Key factors:
- The hormones responsible for milk production return to normal at least 8 weeks after the birth of the baby.
- Childbirth greatly affects the health status of women. This is a serious test for the body, requiring time.
- Libido level. Some girls have high sexuality, and their desire arises much earlier.
- Moms who do not receive assistance in caring for a child from close relatives and spouse are constantly in serious condition. The level of stress and fatigue does not decrease, but only increases, which sooner or later leads to emotional burnout.
At first, after the birth of the crumbs, the mother should use any free time as a rest for regular replenishment.
Alternative
Despite the sad statistics, there are couples who are eager to have sex a few days after giving birth. Vaginal sex is not recommended to start earlier than a month after the birth of crumbs, but there is an alternative - oral caresses that do not carry danger and harm.
Fans of anal sex should refrain. The structure of the woman is arranged so that a very thin septum separates the uterus and rectum. It’s not worth the risk, as you can cause serious damage to women's health, up to gaps in this area.
How to overcome fear
You began to notice that after the birth of the baby you turned from a passionate girl into a too caring mother. Of course, being a good mother is the duty of every woman. But this does not mean at all that the husband and sexual intimacy should be relegated to the background.
The following recommendations will help restore harmony in sex and overcome all fears in this area of life:
- Have a rest! Use every moment during the day when the baby falls asleep. You should not take upon yourself household chores and affairs, free yourself mentally and physically. Then in the evening you will feel, if not excellent, then already good. Accordingly, the forces on the husband will remain.
- If the situation with desire does not change for the better within a few months, perhaps you should take an analysis for hormones and consult a gynecologist for recommendations.
- Create a date atmosphere. Arrange a romantic dinner by candlelight, but you should not spend the remaining strength on close communication with the stove. It is better to order food at home and set the table beautifully. Wear chic underwear, a stunning dress or outfit. Make a neat make-up and a romantic hairstyle. This approach will wake up the desire not only in the partner, but also in yourself, and you will not even notice how this happens.
- Use moisturizing gels for intimate places, since the vaginal microflora does not recover immediately, dryness may be present at first.
- Choose the poses in which you are most comfortable. So it will be only the first time, then everything will return to its place.
- Exercise your pelvic muscles regularly, they directly affect the intensity and number of orgasms.
- Almost nobody succeeds in relaxing in the presence of the baby. For sexual pleasures, you can use the kitchen or bathroom, it will not negatively affect the quality of intimacy.
- Do not forget about contraception. Despite the fact that children are wonderful creatures, mom needs time to recover. Do not rely on lactation, in practice there are a lot of cases when young mothers, having just given birth and while breast-feeding, became pregnant again.
Sex is not fun
Most often, the reason that sex after childbirth does not bring pleasure is not only banal fatigue and irritability, but also a number of other factors:
- A great influence on the quality of sex is exerted by the dryness of the vagina and stretched muscles, which is the absolute norm. The lack of necessary moisture is associated with hormonal changes, therefore, at first it is painful for a woman to have sex after childbirth. So that the pain does not occur again, it is easier for the wife to refuse her husband sex than to explain the physiological changes that occurred with her in the postpartum period. This is absolutely not worth it! Modern pharmaceuticals have developed a huge amount of lubricants and lubricants that will save your close relationship until the hormonal background has returned to normal.
- As you know, a baby who has passed through the birth canal leaves his mother a trace in the form of stretched muscles of the vagina and sensations when the first sex after childbirth can disappoint. Stop worrying! Nature is designed so that the muscles of the vagina can be tightened and pumped up, and then vivid impressions will not take long to wait. The famous Kegel gymnastics helps a lot, which still has an excellent effect on blood circulation in the pelvis, thereby preventing the unpleasant problem of varicose veins in the uterus.
The main thing is not to despair, the microflora is restored, the muscles are tightened, and sex after childbirth becomes enchanting again, as before.
Advice from medical practice
Doctors note that those women who do not follow their reduced sexual desire and begin to lead a full intimate life recover much faster.
Sex is the basis of almost all successful relationships between partners. Most psychologists in the world agree with this statement. But if you can’t restore your libido and this is not due to hormonal changes, you should immediately contact a sex therapist or psychologist.
Sex after natural birth requires a recovery period of 4 to 6 months. Moreover, the microflora and muscles of the vagina need more time.
Women giving birth by Caesarean section begin to enjoy earlier, since the pelvic organs have not undergone changes in the process of labor. The only drawback is that sex after childbirth with seams on the stomach can drive a young mother into complexes. But this is all temporary. The body tends to recover in a fairly short time, and modern cosmetology is able to solve almost any problem.