Your attention is invited to a selection of jokes about the bank. It turns out that curious incidents also happen quite often in these institutions.
Important person
One friend complains to the second: "Imagine, I was fired from work!" To the question: “How did this happen?”, She answers: “My previous place of work was also a bank. I was fired for absenteeism from there. And recently, the bank from where I was kicked out, bought the one in which I recently worked. After that I was fired again. So really, in order to leave me without work they needed to make such a big deal? ”
Joke about the bank and deposit
A man in torn clothes comes to one of the most prestigious banks of the capital. On his head is his shabby dirty hat. He approaches the employee and, in a voice testifying to his state of intoxication, says: “I quickly went and made a deposit in your bank!”. The girl pretends not to hear and asks again. The man says again: “Are you deaf, or what? I told you in Russian, I want to open a contribution to your institution! ” The bank employee tells the rude to leave the room. The man is not leaving. Then the girl calls for help from the manager. He, strictly looking at the visitor, is interested in what a man needs. A drunken citizen explains: “You see, you bastard, I recently won a billion dollars at Sportloto and I want to invest it as soon as possible into your bank!”
The manager, changing in face, says: “So what? Was this employee too slow ??? Today it will be dismissed. "
Cherished dream
Jokes about the bank are sometimes about the secret desires of the employees of these institutions.
So, a girl, the secretary of the director of the bank, all her life dreamed of one day putting a lemon not in a cup of tea for her boss, but on her own account.
Motive of crime
There is a court hearing. The defendant is asked: “For what reason did you decide to rob the bank?”
Without thinking twice, the man replied: “I am not to blame! He was the first to start! ”
Unexpected luck
Arriving on call, the fire brigade, for the first time in the history of this service, refused to fulfill its duties. The bank was on fire, and all firefighters currently had outstanding loans.
Dress Code Violation
A bank employee is trying to get a visitor who came to the institution naked to the street. The peasant guilty lowers his eyes and says: “I came for only 5 minutes. I wanted to pay a loan installment. ”
Colleagues
And here is another joke about a bank robbery. There is a normal working day of employees in the financial sector. Suddenly, to the window where they give out loans to the population, a man comes up with a gun and a black stocking on his head and shouts: “Colleagues, robbers, in five minutes all the money from the safe should be in this bag!”
news
The following sample should be included in this collection of funny jokes about the bank, as it is unlikely to ever lose its relevance.
A television announcer tells the audience one of the latest news: “Yesterday one of the largest Moscow banks burst where deposits of millions of Russian citizens were stored. The leadership of this financial institution has been thrown back by a shock wave of several thousand kilometers. Their exact location is currently unknown. ”
Only once a year ...
Another funny joke about the bank.
Judging by the regularity of congratulations, the best friends of most people are the bank and mobile phone companies.
A joke about the bank and the Jew
Several people burst into the bank with Kalashnikovs in black masks and yell: “This is a robbery! Lie down on the floor immediately! Everyone who moves, we will kill on the spot! We’ll shoot without warning. ”
The robbers open the safe, the rustle of bundles of banknotes thrown into the bag is heard.
The chief accountant, Abram Solomonovich, sighs in relief: "Fu, now for sure we will write everything on them."
Unlimited trust
A Jew tells his wife: “Sarah, can you imagine when I came to the bank today to open a deposit, I was asked to present my passport. When I signed the papers, the pen they gave me was tied with a rope. And these people claim that they trust their customers! ”
Machine lesson
A student of a music school comes to class. It opens a case, and there instead of a guitar lies a Kalashnikov assault rifle. The teacher looks at him in bewilderment and asks: "What does this mean?" The boy calmly replies: “It is likely that my father went to the bank with a guitar today.”
Aerobatics
But the joke about the bank, or rather about the man who decided to do without a savings deposit.
The commander of the aviation division is gaining fighter pilots. The first candidate is interviewed. This is an American ace.
The commander asks him: "What salary do you expect?" He thought a little and answered: "3000 bucks." Why do you need so much money? ”The commander asks. The pilot replied that he wanted to put one thousand in the bank, one to give to his wife and one to use for his needs.
The second applicant for the position was a German. He requested four thousand for his service. He wanted to give two monthly to his wife, put one in a bank account, and leave one for himself.
A Russian pilot enters the office. The commander asks him: "How much would you like to receive?"
The man says, "Nine thousand." When the commander asked him where this money would go, he replied: "I will give three thousand to you, three to myself and three to the American, who will fly for this money."
Finally, a couple more very funny jokes about the bank.
A large bank has announced that it provides everyone with a loan based only on mutual trust. One man doubted the possibility of such a deal.
He came to the bank and asked: "Is it true that you provide a loan without presenting any documents and surety?"
The loan officer replies, “Yes, of course.”
“And what guarantees do you have that I will refund your money?”, The man is interested.
They answer him: "If you do not return, then you will be very ashamed." An astonished man asks: "Before whom is it a shame?" The employee says: "Before the Almighty, when you appear before Him." The visitor says: “So it will not be very soon!”
They answer him: “Well, why? If you don’t pay on time, in a couple of days you will appear. ”
And the last joke:
There was a robbery of one very large bank. Many pearl jewelry were stolen from the safe. Police failed to find a single suspect. Out of hopelessness, they arrested a drunk man who was lying on the street. In the department they began to bring him to his senses - to dip him in a basin with cold water, asking at the same time: “Where are the pearls?” After another dive, the man said: “If you need pearls, then look for another diver! I can’t see anything in this muddy water! ”