The popularity of Stirlitz can only be compared with the fame of James Bond. This Soviet intelligence was glorified in many literary works, songs and films. Naturally, there were some jokes about Stirlitz. Despite all respect for the spy, jokes are quite common.
Jokes and jokes dedicated to Stirlitz
Many jokes about Stirlitz are devoted to his quirky mind and ingenuity.
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Stirlitz dies, and according to the classics of the genre, gets to the gate to Paradise. There Peter with the key, does not want to miss the spy due to many sins. The scout begins to argue and prove his case. Michael arrives at the noise and wonders what the matter is. Peter tells. The archangel sighs tiredly and says:
- Yes, miss him. Try to prove something here.
***
Autumn, cool air. Stirlitz is on the road near Berlin. Suddenly, something was dripping in his ear. A scout looks up and sees a wedge of cranes flying high in the east-west direction. Among the flock you can see a silhouette with a hang glider. Stirlitz immediately realized that this was a Moscow check.
***
Stirlitz at home, resting after a well-deserved hard day. Then they knock respectfully on the door. The spy immediately guessed that it was Bezrukov.
Humor addressed to Stirlitz and Müller
A significant part of espionage humor is dedicated not only to the main character. There are really hilarious jokes about Stirlitz and Mueller.
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Stirlitz and Muller drink at the bar. Muller says:
- I know that you are a resident of Russia. We purged the war ... But tell me, do you really think that you will become famous in your homeland? Yes, either shooting or a link is waiting for you!
- I fundamentally disagree with you. House scout awaits recognition and reverence.
- Well, you give! Maybe you still say that the former spy can rule Russia, and a woman chancellor will appear in Germany. You drank too much!
Stirlitz said nothing and hid his sly smile.
***
One day, Müller, entering his office, found Stirlitz digging in classified documents near his desk.
“What are you doing here here?” - Muller is surprised.
- Oh, wait for the bus.
“Buses can't go here,” grins in response.
“Naturally they cannot walk, they are without legs,” says Stirlitz.
Muller retired from his office to a smoke break to put everything in his head on the shelves. Comes back, and Stirlitz has already caught a trace. “Well, he left,” he thinks.
***
Müller comes to Stirlitz:
- You are detained, come with me.
- What are they accusing me of? - Stirlitz is interested.
- But does it matter? You, as always, will turn your back, and we need to fulfill the plan, create the appearance of active work ...
***
Stirlitz issued a raunchy joke and drove Mueller into the paint. “Look how vulnerable it is,” he thought, closing the can of dye.
***
Stirlitz sits in his chair and decrypts the letter from Russia. Suddenly Müller rushes into the room, pulls the page out of the spy's hands, and runs out at the same speed.
“Hohhhh, it’s gone,” the scout decided.
“You would have been blown away as well,” the gruppenfuhrer thinks.
Funny jokes about Stirlitz
Some short jokes about Stirlitz won the hearts of many people.
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Walking around the city, Stirlitz saw the poster of the film, which was written in large print: "Alien vs. Predator". His next thought was: "What are these election campaigns getting to?"
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A very interesting fact about the famous film about Stirlitz. All the Nazis had the following entry in the dossier: “There are no ties compromising his reputation.” In Shtirlits, in the same document, the following was noted: "There were no ties compromising his reputation." Coincidence?
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Shtirlitsa couldn’t be woken up by the tank, he was breathing like a dead man. Once, he was even circled with chalk.
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- Wow, what a cute little squirrel! - Stirlitz held out his hands in admiration.
“Obviously non-native,” the skunk chuckled disgustingly.
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With the next chase, Stirlitz had to shoot blindly. The unhappy blind woman screamed loudly and cried.
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Stirlitz decided to keep it incognito: he knocked the door off his foot and silently crept up to the unsuspecting Mueller.
***
After a great drink on Friday night, Stirlitz wakes up in the early morning and thinks:
“What a wonderful drink yesterday.” It seems he drank so much, but his head does not hurt at all. And two days off are still waiting.
Poor thing! He did not even suspect that this was Tuesday morning.
***
The wife reproaches her beloved:
- Do you remember how in the film Stirlitz did not see his wife for 16 years? For all this time, he never cheated on her!
- So she thought so ...
“He couldn’t lie to her!”
- Come on! He lied to the whole empire, but he could not ?!
Mention of the radio operator Kat
Some jokes about Stirlitz mention one of the few female spies - the radio operator Kat. This brave woman truly deserved fame.
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Stirlitz and Kat stopped under the windows of her porch. Kat offers:
- Do you mind meeting on Saturday at the hospital?
Stirlitz looked up and saw an included light pouring from the window. He realized that the freak was really at home now.
***
Stirlitz was advancing along an enemy corridor with weapons ready. There was a noise behind one of the doors, and the spy discharged the entire clip through it. Opening the door, he saw on the floor the radio operator Kat with many bullet holes in her chest.
- I will take revenge! - decided the scout.
***
Kat strangled Stirlitz with a furry fur collar.
- Scribe! - concluded the spy.
***
Stirlitz went into the radio operator’s office and laid his head on her lap with a sigh. Kat squealed in disgust; she did not like Holtoff's head.
Jokes about Stirlitz are dedicated not only to his quick wits and intelligence. Many jokes do not carry a special mental load, allowing readers to just relax and have fun with all their heart.