Every person dreams of real strong friendship. Someone is luckier, and these lucky ones find their company of like-minded people, someone less - and they are constantly looking for new friends. But there are also bad friends - it’s so uncomfortable with them that a person feels unhappy and offended.
Today we’ll talk about how to get rid of friends who use you. And how to correctly recognize them in a friendly environment.
Such a different friendship
Who is a friend? It depends on what kind of friendship is made between people. There are friends from childhood with whom a person has a long relationship and shared memories. There is a friendship between two adult self-sufficient people - it is based on mutual support and advice on complex issues. Contrary to popular belief, there are often friendly relations between a man and a woman - without sexual background. Friendship is often made thanks to common interests and hobbies, companies are often “friends” against someone, and this is not necessarily women.
Recently, virtual friendship has become increasingly important, which allows even pronounced introverts to find a soul mate.
So the question of who a friend is can be answered in different ways. It can be a friend, a like-minded person, a fellow, almost a relative, in general, a close person.
And this classification does not affect the emotional component of the relationship, which consists not only of love and mutual sympathy, but also of jealousy.
Why friends are needed
Man is a social being, needs communication. And it is desirable in such a case when the interlocutor is on the same wavelength with him. That is why friends usually have a similar sense of humor or an assessment of a particular situation.
If a person has no friends, he feels rejected, unnecessary and completely useless. While friendly support allows you to feel self-sufficient, full-fledged and interesting person. And we want to be loved - not only the chosen one or chosen one, who may one day find other halves, but also close people. And nothing gives such a feeling of reliability and self-confidence as knowing that in case of failure friends will support you - mentally or financially.
Bad friends
Why friends are needed, everyone intuitively understands. And everyone realizes that not every person from your close circle will be reliable and loyal comrades. So who are they, bad friends?
- He will not help in a difficult situation. Indifference to other people's problems is not uncommon, and most often you misjudged the relationship between you. This is not a friend, but a friend. Perhaps good in all respects, but not willing to decide something for you. You need to treat him accordingly.
- Does not keep a promise. Everyone was faced with the fact that the comrade did not keep his word. If this happens repeatedly, a friend goes into the category of unreliable, and his actions cause anger and irritation.
- Envious. This is not a friend, but a hidden enemy. He always competes with you behind the scenes, and it is important for him to be a little more successful. Envious people are sometimes friends in pairs, against the background of general envy or hatred of someone else.
- Jealous. There is no love relationship between you, but he is a terrible owner and jealous - he can be jealous of his soulmate or other friends.
- Intrusive. There is too much of it in your life.
- Manipulators are a whole galaxy of comrades, “owners”, “orphans”, “aggressors”, “good-natured people” and “cunning” who will make you dance to your tune.
Ideal friendship is a relationship in which both parties feel mutual sympathy, but at the same time save time, strength and opportunity for other social contacts.
But sometimes a person begins to feel discomfort from communicating with a friend - his self-esteem falls, he feels a breakdown and the whole range of negative emotions. This means that you are in a "toxic" relationship and you need to get out of them. How to get rid of bad friends? To do this, they need to be recognized.
Signs of a bad friend
Here are a few signs that a friend is using you:
- He or she always needs something from you. Often such a friend appears in your life only with the next request for help. Example: a friend called for help with spring cleaning, but did not invite to barbecue, to which all friends were invited.
- You spend time together only if your friend has no other alternative. As soon as he (she) was left without company, calls immediately go. But the rest of the time you cannot get attention.
- A lot of gossip and jokes in your direction. If this happens behind your back, the situation is offensive. But often such friends allow tactless and offensive jokes in the general company, regardless of your feelings.
- Lends money and things without a refund.
- He constantly asks for gratuitous help: to sit with children, lend a car, make a transfer, pay the bill, etc.
- He is interested in your useful contacts and contacts.
- Talks bad about other people from your company, and about acquaintances in general.
With such comrades it is necessary to stop all communication. How to get rid of friends of this type is another question.
Manipulator Friends
It should be understood that all people manipulate each other, pushing to the adoption of certain decisions. But the manipulative friends do it masterfully, so as not to leave a person a chance for an adequate assessment of the situation. They masterfully push in the following areas:
- “If you do this, we are no longer friends” - it works even with adults and adequate people, however, the wording will become more complicated with age. The manipulator makes it clear that a person will be left alone, and the fear of loneliness is one of the strongest in a person.
- “Who needs you except me” is pure selfishness when one is kept only to create a retinue.
- “I know better”, “believe me” - to have a know-it-all friend is quite good up to the moment when it leaves you a chance to make your own, albeit the wrong decision. And know-it-alls like to emphasize the stupidity of their comrade.
A potential manipulator can be calculated if a failure check is made - try to answer at least once “no” to a request that you usually agree to without problems. A normal person will take rejection for granted, while the manipulator will accuse you of trying to put pressure on guilt.
Manipulators do not leave a person a chance to develop and grow in their own eyes, which greatly reduces self-esteem. How to get rid of friends who pull down? You need to stop communicating with them, although this is often not easy.
Poisonous friendship
The terms "toxic friendship" is understood to mean any companionship in which there is an emotional dependence, but at least one of the parties is uncomfortable in communication. It manifests itself in different ways - a breakdown after talking with a friend, a feeling of insignificance after a couple of insulting jokes, a loss of all social connections, because a jealous friend did not leave you a second of free time, etc. There are many signs of toxic friendship:
- Weakness and emotional emptiness after communication.
- Lack of support in everything.
- Criticism of you and all your undertakings, aspirations and successes.
- Rudeness.
- “Toxic” friends are generally not very good people - liars, loafers, dishonest people, in general, personalities with a whole bunch of negative qualities.
- "Toxic" friends are unreliable and do not go towards you.
- Relationships cause you only negative emotions: envy, irritation, anger, shame, etc.
Is it worth giving a second chance
Before you get rid of friends of this plan, you should understand whether it is worth giving them another chance to maintain your friendship. Everything is simple here - if communication does not cause negative emotions, then it is worth reducing friendship to friendly relations. Perhaps, over time, your good friend will prove that he can be a faithful and reliable friend.
It is worth getting rid of "toxic" friends right away, without a shadow of doubt and regret.
How to behave with bad and annoying friends, manipulators and energy vampires
Sometimes it happens that a person does not say anything bad in words, but it is impossible to communicate with him - he is either too much in your life, or he drinks all your vitality as an energy vampire. How to get rid of annoying friends who seem to have not offended you? The following rules must be followed:
- To learn to say “no” - “no, I don’t have time”, “no, we can’t meet”, “no, I can’t”.
- You should establish your own rules for communication, for example, limit the duration and number of phone calls. You must defend the right to respond to the message at a convenient time for you, and not for someone else.
- You should not take responsibility for the life of another person - annoying manipulative friends often require immediate participation and blame the friend for personal failures.
- Get rid of unpleasant and painful communication. How? See item number 1.
- Do not turn yourself into a permanent vest for comfort - occasionally it is possible, but not on an ongoing basis!
Get rid of your other half's friend
It often happens that a person does not notice the "toxicity" of the relationship. But the unhealthy atmosphere is clearly visible from the side, so the husband or wife often see bad friends in their soulmate. How to get rid of friends of a spouse?
- We talk and explain why these relationships cannot be considered healthy. We listen to counterarguments. And again we explain.
- You can’t be forced to choose between love and friendship - we act smoothly and gradually.
- We reduce the time for “friendly” meetings - we arrange more romantic dates and joint vacations for only two.
- We are trying to offer an alternative - we invite couples to visit, record a soul mate in an interest club, etc. In general, we are looking for any chance to find normal friends.
Ways to Stop Communicating
How to get rid of friends once and for all? There are several ways to do this:
- Stop spending time with a friend completely. If this is impossible due to the fact that you work together or spend time in one company, then it is worth reducing all communication to professional communication and cues to a direct question. No intimate conversations and tête-à-tête conversations!
- To say firmly and honestly that this friendship does not suit you and it is time to stop communicating. This is cruel, but immediately puts everything in its place.
- Make new friends. How to get rid of envious friends, schemers and manipulators in your environment? The best way is to change your circle of friends and make new friends, who will eventually turn into good friends.
And do not forget that you are also a friend to someone. Be a good friend!