It is generally accepted that the most “cool” profession in our country is taxi drivers. It is about them and their professional activity that a huge number of jokes, jokes and aphorisms have been compiled. But doctors confidently breathe in their backs. They can be said to be in second place in popularity in the ranking of the most-most, and therefore we decided to devote this material entirely to jokes about medicine and everything connected with it.
The medicine. Is humor appropriate in this area?
Despite the fact that a lot of “medical” humor is black, you cannot go anywhere without it. And in medicine as well. The funniest jokes about hospitals, doctors and their patients are from the field of black humor, but they by no means leave behind an unpleasant aftertaste. The most common "black" joke, of course, is a joke about pathologists, namely: "An autopsy showed that the patient died from an autopsy." But this is not the only set of funny expressions . And we will begin our review of the funniest jokes from the field of medicine with jokes, the most common among physicians themselves.
Jokes and jokes among the medical staff
Of course, we will not fit all the jokes and aphorisms of doctors into one small article, but we will try to give out a selection of the most “inveterate” ones. So, how are our doctors joking?
The voice of the stewardess on board the liner, addressing the passengers: “Is there a doctor among you?” To which, a lonely sluggish voice answers her: “Look not there. In economy class, ask ... ".
***
When undergoing fluorography, the doctor asks: “Where is your policy?” The girl replies: "I forgot at home." “Well then, darling, the pictures will be black and white ...”
***
Laughter will be much more contagious if you make the tuberculosis laugh properly ...
***
The place of the enema cannot be changed ...
***
The advice of a seasoned pulmonologist to a smoker who came to the examination: "Would you, my friend, learn to smoke by the anus." The smoker indignantly: "Why is this still?" “Yes, because colon cancer is now cured, but lung cancer, alas, not always ...”
Sometimes the jokes of doctors are even more alarming. For example, with a set of the following statements, and especially with the latter, each of them agrees. At the end of a medical institute, anyone agrees that now he:
- He knows what to wash his hands for and always washes them.
- He knows that he will certainly die someday and that this must be reconciled.
- He knows where the children come from.
- I am sure that from now on, nothing else can ruin his appetite.
- To death, he is afraid of any doctors, and especially those who studied with him on the same course.
Jokes about the doctors themselves
Let's start a review of jokes about doctors who walk in a wide human environment. They are not always flattering, but doctors are unlikely to be offended by this. Rather, they would be happy to laugh at them along with everyone.
The sister suddenly begins to scream heart-rendingly: “Doctor, oh horror! We lost him ... "To which the doctor calmly soothingly pats her on the shoulder:" Do not be so upset about this. Look around, we have such a whole chamber here! ”
***
After working from the depths of their offices, a pathologist with a gynecologist goes outside and, stopping at the threshold of the clinic, inhale fresh air and look around. The pathologist says: “How wonderful it is! Everywhere people! Living people! " To which the gynecologist adds: “And the faces! Faces! ”
***
It turns out that traumatologists have an offseason. This is the lull time in which motorcyclists have already ended, but snowboarders have not yet begun. And vice versa.
***
In the middle of the sidewalk at the height of the day, a man falls to the ground. A woman leans over him and begins to call a doctor. “I am a doctor,” one of the passersby answers, “what happened to you?” "He, in my opinion, has a heart attack!" - the woman answers. “Well then, I'm waiting for him in my office,” the doctor says calmly and is about to leave. The woman indignantly told him: “How is it in your office? He is at death! ” What the doctor throws over his shoulder: “Well, yes. And I am a pathologist ... "
Statements about free medicine
Jokes about free medicine in general deserve a separate section. Yes, in our country, medicine is free. But as the well-known aphorism says, it is free only until you become ill. On this, all the “free” ends. Hence the set of the following statements.
We have free medicine, but no treatment.
***
Well, do you want to be treated for free or still want to live?
***
Anesthesia was common, and the surgeon was local ... Free ...
Poor patients ...
A set of jokes about medicine is not limited to doctors. Patients are also worth attention. Here you go in order.
A clinic is nothing more than accelerated exchange of experience between patients.
***
Sonul comes up to her mother and asks: “Mom, Mom, what is“ sclerosis ”?” Mother turns, looks at him and says: “What, what did you ask me now?” Sinul: "When?"
***
“You started to smoke too much!”
“So what?”
“Yes, smoking kills. It’s written on the pack! ”
"So what? What, the ancient Egyptians did not smoke? All the same, everything became extinct! .. "
***
If a woman tries on glasses, then she has already grown up until curiosity overpowered vanity.
***
The patient was recovering ... but never reached.
***
The patient really needed a doctor's care. Moreover, the further he went, the sick would be better ...
***
If only everyone behaved so politely everywhere, as if they were waiting in line at the dental office ...
***
An ambulance call at three in the night: “Hello, is it an ambulance ?! Come soon, our boy swallowed a corkscrew! ” Ten minutes later, another call: “Hello, ambulance?” Cancel the call. We found a spare corkscrew, all is well! ”
***
The nurse saw a man flying out of the doctor’s office, frantically trying to open the door to the corridor in the opposite direction. "Dear what happened?" She asked. The patient cried out: “They said: do not worry, the operation for appendicitis is the easiest and there is nothing to be afraid of!” The nurse is at a loss: “But this is true!” A patient with eyes wide with fear: “The truth is true, they only interpreted it not to me, but to the young surgeon practitioner! ..”
About medications and weight loss
Jokes about medications and attempts to lose weight are akin to jokes about medicine, and therefore you can’t bypass them either. And here are a few of them.
“This is just an amazing baldness remedy! With it, even billiard balls will be covered with wool! ”
"And then, in your opinion, to play billiards?"
***
“Girl, do you have a cure for greed?”
"Not. Unless these pills ... "
“Yes, more, more! ..”
***
“My wife decided to start losing weight and therefore was carried away by horseback riding ...”
“So how are the results?”
“The horse lost 10 kilos ...”
Conclusion
Vinokur once gave an excellent joke about doctors, or rather, a sketch at an appointment with various doctors. Let's see this funny movie.
And that is characteristic, sometimes cases exaggerated by Vinokur really take place in our life. But any of us, potential patients, secretly hopes that jokes about medicine will remain jokes, and in life we ​​will not become their heroes, because, of course, medical institutes, no matter what the doctors themselves say, do not let out bad specialists. And therefore, one can thoroughly laugh at all these jokes.