Jokes about representatives of various nationalities are incredibly popular in our country. Russians appreciate the humor of other nations, for example, Jewish, Caucasian and so on. This article contains the funniest jokes about the Kazakhs. So, we are going to the boundless sunny steppe to join the culture of this people.
To feel the beauty of the Kazakh language, to feel the unusual romance of free life among endless pastures, to smell and taste koumiss, to appreciate the beauty and grace of horses, to admire the rich decoration of yurts, you need to pronounce the name of the country Netherlands, emphasizing the last letter.
Dream Factory
One young Kazakh couple was very fond of the famous film with Arnold Schwarzenegger. They even gave the child the name Aylbibek.
Buy on the Mercedes
There are many jokes about Kazakhs and Russians. One of them will be presented to your attention. However, it refers to unusual representatives of these nationalities.
I decided to make a new Kazakh friendship with new Russians. He approaches them and says: "Assalam Aleikum! Let's go together to the Maldives to rest!" And they answer him: "Do you have at least a five-story cottage?"
Kazakh answers: "No." New Russians ask: "Do you have a golden chain in a finger thick?" Kazakh negatively waving his head. New Russians again ask the question: "Do you have a Mercedes car?" Again, the Kazakh gives a negative answer. New Russians say: "Well, when you get all this, then come!" The new Kazakh takes out a golden iPhone and calls his wife: “Honey, call the workers and order them to demolish the last two floors of our house! Sell and buy a few Lincoln and Rolls-Royces Mercedes.” The new Russians looked at each other, and the Kazakh continued: "Take off the gold chain from our Bobik and send me a parcel."
Jokes about Kazakhs exist not only in Russian. Representatives of this nationality themselves love to tell them. They are known to call their Cossack language. Jokes about Kazakhs in Russian are often translations.
Steppe Songs
Kazakh akyns compose songs about everything that they see in front of them. Going with them to the bathhouse is highly discouraged.
In Kazakhstan, all road signs are only triangular in shape. This is explained by the fact that a round lid can easily be used to make a lid for a frying pan, and a rectangular metal sheet can serve as a wonderful shovel for snow removal if you attach a wooden handle to it.
Kazakh - he and Kazakh in Africa
Jokes about Kazakhs are an excellent tool for studying the national mentality, traditions, customs and everyday life of this people.
During the Great Patriotic War, the Germans captured Russian, Ukrainian and Kazakh. The officer orders: "Interrogate and shoot the Ukrainian and the Russian, and immediately shoot the Kazakh." Kazakh is at a loss: "Why is it, to interrogate these two, and then to shoot them, and to kill me right away?" The officer explains: "And with you, if you start talking, you may be someone else's relative."
If all Kazakhs leave Russia, then there will be no one to work as Japanese cooks in sushi bars.
Jokes are vulgar and not very
The Kazakh hockey team has repeatedly requested the International Olympic Committee to allow them to participate in matches while riding horses.
There are many vulgar jokes about the Kazakhs. Although this article is not dedicated to just such samples, one of them is worth telling for a change.
The American, French, Italian, Italian and Kazakh came to a desert island. We lived there for two weeks. After that, the men gathered for advice and decide which of them will care for the Italian. The American says: "Actually, we Americans are the most important nation on earth! Therefore, I must look after this woman!" The Frenchman says: "And we, the French, are a much more ancient nationality! Therefore, I must be a boyfriend of this woman!"
The Italian, gesturing strongly, exclaims: "And I, by the way, are Italian! We are of the same nationality! Therefore, it is God’s predetermined that, of course, I must take care of her!" And the Kazakh sits quietly near the sea and catches fish. He does not participate in disputes of other men. They ask him: "Why don’t you pretend to care for Italian?" He calmly turns and says: “So I’ve been sleeping with her for two weeks and didn’t know that I needed to take care of her!”
As you have seen, there are a huge number of funny jokes about the Kazakhs. Therefore, several more examples of such humor are given below.
Inappropriate bride
Mother says to the Kazakh: “Rope, you are thirty years old soon, and you are still not married! Why don’t you choose a bride? For example, Aigul is a very beautiful girl, smart, kind, well-bred! Or our neighbor Ismigul is also very positive. She graduated from the Pedagogical University. She works as an English teacher. Don't you like them? " The rope replies: "No, mom. I love Sergey." Mother is alarmed: "What are you? He is Russian!"
Tricky guard
In Kazakhstan, a bank robbery. The criminal, as usual, laid all the workers on the floor and said: "Girl at the window, what's your name?" A bank employee answers him: "My name is Aigul." The robber says: "Aigul, that was the name of my mother! Therefore, you can leave." The robber turns to the guard and asks: "What is your name?" He replies: "According to my passport, I’m Ivan. But all friends usually call me Aigul."
Duel
There are also historical jokes about the Kazakhs. Here is one of them. The Russian hero Ilya Muromets and the Kazakh batyr Kairat meet on the battlefield. The Kazakh hit Ilya Muromets with a club on the head for the first time and drove him to the ground to the waist. I hit him a second time and Ilya entered the ground on the bogatyr's chest. And they caught up with growth.
Countrymen
Kazakh comes to Moscow from Zhezkazgan. I went to the toilet at the station and saw that the letter "M" was written on one door, and the letter "F" on the other. He thinks: "" F "means Zhezkazgan. I will go through this door." Comes in, and there a woman sits. She twitched in surprise and jumped to her feet. Kazakh says: "Do not be afraid! I will not do anything bad to you. I am also from Zhezkazgan."
About mambets and the rest
Since this article presents jokes about Kazakhs in Russian, some explanations are required for those who are not aware of some features of the life of this country. For example, Kazakhstan also has its own gopniks. They are called mambets there. So, there are many jokes about this layer of the population.
There are two mambets in Astana. They are strangers at this celebration of life. Nobody wants to hang out with them. Suddenly a sorcerer appears and says: “If you reach the top of that mountain, then you will become no worse than the inhabitants of the state’s capital.” Kazakhs climbed the mountain. One of them climbed to the top, the other holds out his hands to him for help. The one upstairs shouts at him: "Leave me alone, mambet filthy!"
A resident of Alma-Ata received the right to hunt mambets. He walks through the city center, shot at the gopnik, and nothing terrible happened. The police reacted normally to this. He’s walking in another district, he finished off the mambeta. Law enforcement authorities are silent. Went to the outskirts of the city. There he also killed one. Militiamen jumped out from behind the bushes and immediately twisted it. He told them: “Why are you guys? I have a license!” They say to him: "It doesn’t work here! This is a reserve!"
And here is one of the most recent jokes about Kazakhs. There are Chinese and Kazakh. A citizen of the Celestial Empire asks: "And how many people do you have in Kazakhstan ?" A resident of the steppe replies: "There are seven million people of Kazakh nationality, fourteen million of the total population." The Chinese man is surprised: "Oh! So you, probably, as in a village, know each other by sight?"
A couple more jokes about Kazakhs
We got to the uninhabited island Russian, Ukrainian and Kazakh. Russian built a house for himself, set up a garden, keeps pets. The Ukrainian also got a good job: he built a hut, got a garden, began to drive the vodka. For a long time nothing was heard about the Kazakh. Once a Russian came to visit a Ukrainian. Well, sit, drink. Here, knock on the door. A Kazakh in police uniform stands on the threshold and says: “Senior Lieutenant Zhumabaev. Please present your documents!”
One Kazakh sage was famous throughout the country for his scholarship. He originally read the works of many ancient Greek authors: Socrates, Aristotle, Prometheus ...
A traffic cop in Alma-Ata stops a man, and he says to him: "What are you? Your boss knows me! Let's go, you will see!" They go to the main department of the traffic police, to the office of the chief. And he says: "Ah, Alibek! Come in, have some tea!" The traffic cop asks: "Do you know everyone in Alma-Ata ?!" A man says: "And not only in Alma-Ata! Come with me to Astana! I will introduce you to Nazarbayev!" They come to the capital. Nazarbayev accepts them, arranges a gala dinner for Alibek and his guest. A policeman asks his new friend, Alibek: "You probably not only in Kazakhstan, but also know someone abroad ?!" And he answers him: "Well, of course! Let's go to the United States of America! I will introduce you to Donald Trump there." Come to Washington, come to the White House. Alibek says: "They will not let you go any further. Come on: I’ll come in, and you stand on the street and look at that balcony. We will go out with Trump to it. Donald will wave his hand to you."
After a while, Alibek and Trump go to the balcony. The president, as agreed, waved his hand at the traffic cop. A few minutes later, Alibek appears from the doors of the White House and sees that his friend is lying unconscious. He pushed it and asked: "What is the matter with you?" Policeman answer: "Well, I stand, I look, you go to the balcony ... And suddenly a black man comes up to me and asks:" Do you know who this is with Alibek? "
Rides on the steppes Dobrynya Nikitich. Met Alyosha Popovich and said to him: "Look, Alyoshenka, what fierce wolves I caught!" Untie his bag and show. Alyosha says: "Dobrynya, these are not wolves, but Kazakhs!" Nikitich replies: "What are the Kazakhs when they ate a whole horse in a couple of minutes?"