In families in which a loved one suffers from diseases such as alcoholism, drug addiction, all households suffer. In addition, there is a great risk that one or more family members may develop co-dependence. It exacerbates the condition of the patient and causes harm to others. That is why co-dependence in alcoholism should be overcome . How to get rid of this condition?
What is co-dependence
This problem has psychological reasons. It occurs in the inner circle of a person dependent on alcoholism - in his wife, children, mother. If a woman drinks, then a husband can get online.
Co-dependence in alcoholism is a complete dissolution in the addicted. It is expressed in the fact that life in the family is subject to the desires and aspirations of the alcoholic. They wash him, clean him, all the problems that he arranges while intoxicated, they try to solve for him. The addict is pitied, justified by any of his actions, hiding the fact of alcoholism.
Thus, the close environment creates greenhouse conditions for such a person - he does not need to answer for anything, all problems are resolved by themselves.
Reasons for co-dependence
The bad habits of one of the family members are the most common sources of such subordination in the family. However, this phenomenon can manifest itself in other conditions and even in completely prosperous families. Therefore, to determine if there is co-dependence in alcoholism, how to get rid of it, you should understand what are the reasons for this behavior.
Sources of the appearance of an unpleasant phenomenon in favorable conditions can be:
- lack of self-realization of personality;
- childhood abuse;
- shocks and shock conditions;
- constant psychological pressure.
Co-dependence usually affects the life of the whole family. It manifests itself in excessive custody, shown by one family member in relation to others, infringement of their own interests, desire to show everyone that life is safe.
Alcohol co-dependence and its symptoms
It is difficult for a person to accept the fact of submission. Most people completely deny co-dependence in alcoholism. What to do in such a situation? Initially, this problem should be accepted. To do this, honestly analyze the following criteria.
Signs of alcohol addiction are:
- Excessive desire to control all the actions of an alcoholic. This leads to the loss of the person drinking the ability to answer for their actions.
- Constant self-deception that all is well and there is no problem.
- The lifestyle of a drunk person becomes mundane. The family is ready to endure everything.
- Increased tolerance for drunken antics and prevailing lifestyle.
- Own interests and needs are relegated to the background.
- The co-dependent feels guilty.
- Self-esteem is reduced.
- The co-dependent is prone to depression, he is often haunted by thoughts of suicide.
- Tendency to tearfulness.
- When communicating with people, problems arise.
- The co-dependent ceases to care for himself.
Such people no less than the alcoholic himself need psychological help. This problem cannot be ignored. Only competent professionals can help resolve such situations.
Psychological model
Experts believe that co-dependence is reminiscent of the “persecutor-victim-savior” model. What is she like?
In the case of alcoholism and other bad habits, the co-dependent can act in any of these roles:
- Victim. A person constantly complains to relatives and friends who sympathize with him.
- Pursuer. He is trying to rectify the situation with the help of threats or physical impact.
- Savior. A person provides help in small doses, achieving a constant dependence on the alcoholic.
This is precisely the psychology of co-dependence in alcoholism. And this must be fought. If one member of the family constantly drinks, and the other spends all his energy to stop him, then help is needed not only for an alcoholic. It is necessary to treat and co-dependent.
It is impossible to re-educate a patient with alcoholism. He needs serious treatment. Therefore, an alcoholic needs an appeal to a narcologist, and the co-dependent should consult a psychiatrist.
Why is it important to eradicate co-dependence
This is the most important and first step towards a harmonious life. Co-dependence in alcoholism and drug addiction is a kind of web that holds a sick person with a dead grip, leaving him no chance of healing. Therefore, this condition should be discarded.
Treatment of an alcoholic should begin with psychological assistance to the addicted. After all, while there is a person who endures and solves all problems, the drinker does not need to change anything in his life.
When treating a family member for alcoholism, the following should be considered. In a co-dependent, a breakdown can occur. After all, he loses the meaning of life, which was to save an alcoholic.
A co-dependent person who used to be busy controlling, raising, now feels unnecessary. He no longer needs to patronize someone. Against this background, such people are able to create an intolerable atmosphere in the house, to intensify passions. As a result, relapse may occur. Therefore, co-dependent also needs adequate therapy, like an alcoholic.
Treatment methods
A person almost always denies co-dependence in alcoholism. How to get rid of a problem that is not even taken seriously? Only a competent psychologist or psychiatrist can help.
The alcoholic is of the opinion that his libation is not serious. He is confident that he can leave this activity at any time. The co-dependent explains his deviations by the fact that he wants to support the patient and help him. And in his opinion, this is quite obvious. Therefore, the treatment of co-dependence begins with the realization of the fact of the presence of the disease.
When the patient admitted that he is sick, psychological therapy begins, which includes:
- individual conversations;
- training on how to deal with stressful situations;
- classes with a psychologist as part of a group of the same patients, communication with them;
- teaching skills for a calm and harmonious existence.
As a result of such treatment, the co-dependent must see his life from the side. Only after that he will be able to understand what is required to be done and what model of behavior to choose for communication with relatives.
Getting rid of guilt
Alcoholics tend to blame loved ones for their addiction. They constantly emphasize that they are not loved, do not pay attention to them. You can’t believe in it. The fact that a person abuses alcohol is not his fault. He's just trying to justify his behavior. But it is on the basis of guilty feelings that co-dependence most often develops with alcoholism. Therefore, stop reproaching yourself in such a situation.
Alcoholic must be treated
If the addict promises that he himself will cope with the problem, do not trust him. Alcoholism is a serious illness in which complex and qualified help of a narcologist is required. You should not try to cure the patient with folk and other methods on your own. This is exactly what co-dependent people do most often. This is the wrong way. It exacerbates the condition of the patient. In addition, others are suffering. Attempts to help, even causing harm to oneself and one's family, are a characteristic sign that there is co-dependence in alcoholism.
How to get rid of such attachment? Accept the fact that only a competent narcologist can cure alcoholism. Therefore, the help of a doctor in the treatment of this disease is necessary. To exclude publicity, anonymous therapy can be performed.
Stop controlling
Do not use violent and prohibitive measures to combat the alcoholism of a loved one. The drinker will always find an opportunity to drink. Therefore, it makes no sense to hide money or pour out alcohol. This will only lead the addicted to the fact that he will begin to deceive his family with sophisticated deceit, to conceal part of his salary.
Often, the co-dependent set up a sick relative not to lurk. And if he drinks, then let him drink at home. Indeed, he is under control. But such behavior creates only more comfortable conditions for the alcoholic: he drinks in warmth and comfort, no one swears.
Become a Realist
You need to look at things adequately. An alcoholic will not change his behavior, even if family life changes radically for the better. Do not hope that this will happen by itself. It is necessary to convince a person that without treatment he will not be able to cope with this disease.
Don't justify the alcoholic
Many co-dependents suffer humiliation, insults and even beatings. It is impossible to justify the unseemly acts of an alcoholic by his inadequate condition. No need to feel sorry for a person if he is sober kind and beautiful, and drunk - a family tyrant.
For example, in criminal law, intoxication is considered not an alleviating, but an aggravating circumstance in the commission of a crime. Therefore, one should never forgive a drinker for his cruel and unseemly behavior.
Eliminate comfort
Problems arising from alcohol abuse, a person must solve himself. Could not get to work - call the boss and explain yourself. Arranged a drunken brawl - wash and clean up after yourself. Lent money - repay your debts yourself.
The co-dependent should in no case take such actions, pitying the drunkard. In doing so, he creates comfortable conditions for the alcoholic in which he is very pleased to be. Of course, the patient does not see the point of refusing to drink alcohol. Do not solve the problems of an alcoholic, this is an important step to overcome co-dependence in alcoholism.
How to behave if an addict has an attack or crisis? In such a situation, the help of loved ones is simply necessary. However, remember: help is not a shot glass of vodka for hangover! This is an ambulance call (if the crisis seems dangerous to health) or the police (if the patient’s condition and his actions can harm relatives).
Do not be afraid to call for help. After all, the addict at this moment is inadequate. Delay in this situation can have irreparable consequences.
Contact a specialist
In many clinics, simultaneous treatment for co-dependence in alcoholism and drunkenness is carried out. It brings very good results.
During treatment, communication is limited. Thus it turns out to break the co-dependent relationship. Close alcoholics during therapy become self-sufficient individuals. Namely, such a self-confident person is needed by the former addict. He simply will not give a chance to return to his former way of life.
Opinion of people
So, if in your family there is co-dependence with alcoholism, how to get rid? Reviews of people who have encountered this problem indicate that most often they turn to a psychologist. It is theoretically possible to get rid of self-dependence independently. But in practice, this is obtained only in units.