How to build relationships with a child? This question most often arises in parents whose child begins to show character and show independence. Those mothers and fathers who continue to put pressure on the baby with their authority run the risk of completely losing contact with him. Indeed, in such cases, children, as a rule, become isolated, start to think that no one understands them, and feel lonely.
It is especially important for parents to know how to improve their relationship with a 5-year-old child. After all, this age is considered the most important for establishing friendly contacts. And if parents missed this moment and the relationship is already broken? In this case, you will need to use emergency tactics of action, which is recommended by professional psychologists.
Severity of the problem
Relations between parents and children deteriorate if adults do not have the tact, the necessary sensitivity, and do not cherish the secrets of their daughters and sons. This happens if they do not keep up with the dynamics of their development. Relations between parents and children as a psychological problem begin to develop in those situations when adults are fake in their conversation, they are not able to enter the world of a child without imposing their views, pressure and criticisms, without nervousness and prejudice.
Confidence Week
How to build relationships with a child? Psychologists recommend allocating for this the so-called week of trust. When carrying out it is not necessary to scold the child for what he said or did. During this period, parents should observe their child and note all the good things that he is trying to do on his own.
Adults should understand that it is time for them to start trusting the child. After all, he has already developed self-esteem and independence, allowing him to make certain decisions for the baby. Of course, in this case, regardless of age, the child for parents is still a child, but has already matured. Such a week of trust will become a kind of training and education of a growing person.
Exemplar
How to build relationships with a child? To do this, he needs to instill positive qualities. But will children be able to become independent, reasonable and independent if they have no one to take an example from? It is difficult to teach how to act for a growing person in various situations. The child needs to show everything by his example. Only in this case, parents will be able to achieve the main educational goal. Moreover, it should not consist in issuing instructions and advice, but in expressing approval and support on the path of life.
Ignoring Misconduct
Often, parents themselves become the reason that their child behaves badly. It's all about the attention that adults pay to such behavior. Adults can respond to the child's actions positively, praising him, or negatively, criticizing him. However, according to psychologists, to solve the problem of bad behavior and to establish good relations can be a complete lack of attention. The ignore technique is a pretty effective method. In this case, parents will have to observe only some conditions:
- Not paying attention means not screaming and not reproaching your child. Going about their business, you just need to monitor the child.
- You can completely ignore the baby only until the moment when he ceases to behave badly. It can last 5 minutes and 30. So parents will need to be patient.
- All other family members who are in the same room must ignore the child.
- After the baby begins to behave well, he should be praised. Parents should say, for example, that they are very glad that the baby stopped screaming, because their ears hurt from loud noises.
Thus, adherence to the technique of ignoring will require patience. But most importantly, adults should remember that they should not pay attention at all to the child, but to his bad behavior.
Distracting maneuvers
How to build relationships with a child? To avoid conflict situations will allow distraction maneuvers. The most effective such method is in those cases when the child has already managed to be squeamish so that it becomes impossible to reach him. Distracting the baby is quite simple by giving him a toy or other thing he wants. For older children, parents will need to be creative. They need to know what the children are dreaming of and focus their attention on what is not at all the subject of conflict. For example, a child may stubbornly reach for chewing gum. At the same time, he should not offer fruit. This will further infuriate a son or daughter. How to behave with a child in this situation? Parents should immediately pick up an interesting activity for him. For example, start a game with him or show focus. At such a moment, any food offered as a substitute for chewing gum will remind the baby that he never received what he wanted.
It is a sharp change of action that leads children away from their demands. In addition, she will allow the new proposal to play on the curiosity of the baby. Parents should know what the children are dreaming of and to intervene in the situation as soon as possible. The more original their new proposal will be, the more likely it will be possible to succeed.
A change of scenery
If the age of the children is in the range of 2 to 5 years, then the parents must physically remove the child from the conflict. It is a change of scenery that will allow adults and children to stop experiencing a sense of hopelessness. Such a mission will be best accomplished by a parent who currently has more cheerfulness and flexibility in the circumstances.
A trip with children to the forest, to the zoo, to the cinema, to the park and other interesting places will be a wonderful change of scenery.
Use replacement
How to improve relations with a child if he does not do what is needed at all? In this case, the parents should occupy him with what is required. Adults need to teach children how to behave correctly in certain circumstances. Just say, “You can't do this!” will not be enough for the process of establishing contact. Your child will need to show an alternative, that is, clearly explain how to act in a given situation. For instance:
- a child who draws with a pencil on the wallpaper should be given a coloring book;
- a girl taking mother’s makeup needs to buy a nursery that will be easy to rinse off;
- with a child throwing stones, you need to play the ball.
If a child picks up any fragile or dangerous thing, he should be given a toy in return. After all, children are very easily carried away and quickly find a way out of physical and creative energy. The ability of parents to quickly find a good substitute for the undesirable behavior of their child will save him from many problems.
Hugs
Parents should not allow children to fight either with them or with anyone else, even if the child does not hurt. Sometimes mothers suffer when babies try to hit them. Fathers, as a rule, do not allow this for their child. Moms should not tolerate this behavior of the child. After all, pugnacious children behave in a similar way not only at home. They allow themselves to fight in other places, and even with strangers. In addition, reacting to something with physical violence is a bad habit. Moreover, in the future, it will be quite difficult for a growing person to get rid of it. Parents should not allow their child, growing up, to believe that his mother (equivalent to the concept of a woman) will endure everything from him, including physical violence.
How to wean a baby from fights? To do this, the adult must hug him tightly, not allowing him to open his arms. In this case, you must firmly say: "I do not allow you to fight." You need to be prepared for the fact that the child begins to scream and scream loudly. But then, having felt the adult's firmness, his strength and conviction, he will understand that he needs to calm down.
Find the pros
The relationship of children with parents should not be based on criticism. After all, it is always very unpleasant. The criticized child begins to be offended and annoyed. This leads to the fact that he ceases to make contact. Of course, parents still have to speak critically about the improper behavior of their child.
However, in doing so, they must make every effort to avoid conflict. How to achieve a similar result? Yes, just soften your criticism. In this case, the child will be much easier to perceive it. For example, an adult may say that the baby has a wonderful voice, but it is still impossible to sing during lunch.
Offer of choice
Children sometimes quite actively resist any instructions from their parents. Why is this happening? Yes, because for them it is the only way to defend their independence. How, then, to avoid conflict? For this, the child should offer a choice. For example, asking him what he will eat for breakfast - porridge or fried eggs, or in which shirt he will go to school, in yellow or blue.
It is important for parents to give the child the right to choose. This will make him think on his own. When children are given the opportunity to make decisions, they develop a healthy sense of self-worth and increase self-esteem. Such a move allows parents on the one hand to satisfy the needs of their offspring for independence, and on the other hand, to maintain control over his behavior.
Joint solution to the problem
This technique is especially effective for children from 6 to 11 years. After all, it is at this age that younger students have a great desire to take responsibility. How to speak with a child in order to achieve the desired result? For example, a mother can tell her son that due to the fact that he dresses for a very long time in the morning, she, taking him to school, is constantly late for work. At the same time, you need to ask the child if he has a solution that would correct the situation? It is such a direct question that will make the student feel that he is considered a responsible person. Children are well aware that parents do not always and not all have their own answers. That is why they often seek to make a personal contribution, sometimes just gushing with various offers.
Hypothetical situations
Psychologists also recommend using this technique at the age of 6 to 11 years. In order to establish a relationship, parents will need to use hypothetical situations, citing another child as an example to their child. So, they may ask what to do to mom and dad his best friend, who does not want to share toys.
In this case, adults have a great opportunity to discuss the rules of behavior with their offspring without any conflicts. However, it should be borne in mind that the conversation should be conducted in a calm atmosphere in the absence of passions. Films, TV programs and books are also an excellent pretext for starting a discussion of life problems.
It should be borne in mind that resorting to imaginary examples, parents should not end the conversation with a question that returns the child to reality. For example, ask him if he knows someone who, like his friend, doesn’t share toys. A similar question will immediately destroy good feelings and that valuable message that parents tried to convey to their child.
Games
Boys and girls are interested in a lot. When we play with children at home, we allow them to see a child in us. This brings together and allows you to make contact.
You can use anything you like - balls and dolls, making crafts and singing. The main thing is that the game is interesting for both a child and an adult.
Big family
If parents raise two or more children, psychologists are advised to constantly express their love to each of them. To do this, kids need to say as many kind words as possible. In addition, parents need to hug their children more often. According to psychologists, in a large family you need to do this at least 4 times a day.
What should parents do if there is simply not enough time for children because of their high employment? You can create a peaceful atmosphere in the family in various ways. For example, one of the parents can put the children on their knees and hug them at the same time. If there are more than two kids, and this method will not work, then mothers and fathers are invited to arrange a universal kiss. For example, children immediately kiss one of the parents, then the other. After that, mothers and fathers kiss in any sequence of children.