Almost all parents look forward to the birth of crumbs, especially the first-born. Being in position, a woman strictly follows the recommendations of doctors, refuses herself in many ways, if only the child were born strong and healthy. All family members are gentle and reverent to the baby, they note with delight every new gesture, every squeak.
It would seem that the selfless love of parents should last forever, but in practice this is not always the case. For some reason, a grown child begins to annoy his dear dads and mothers. Where do those quivering feelings experienced by the parents for the child go? Where do disagreements and serious conflicts come from in the family?
My children are furious
Do not forget that little girls and boys are not dolls. They are characterized by excessive activity. They have their own desires, whims. It is difficult to meet a child who will quietly sit in a corner and listen to every word of an adult.
Children will demand attention even when you have a headache, you are very tired, huge troubles have fallen on you, you donāt want to live at all. Many kids will fight with your inhibitions, because they have fun, they donāt see the point of fulfilling your requirements, they show their personality traits for dozens of other reasons. Many dads and mothers are all terribly annoying.
But sometimes there are situations when a newborn baby infuriates. Most often this is observed in families where the baby came to our world without the desire of his mother or father. If serious disagreements arose between parents, the fruit of their love was no longer especially necessary for them. In addition, the baby can annoy loved ones if it is constantly acting up. In this case, you should not shout at him, but consult a doctor. Perhaps the crumbs have some kind of pathology, and he is trying (in the literal sense) to shout to you.
What could be the problem
You said to yourself: "My children are enraging me." What's next? You should clearly realize that they are not obliged to fulfill all your requirements implicitly. Leave them a piece of personal space both in the material plane (for example, his room), and in the spiritual. Let them show their own personality. This is quite normal when your child has his own interests. Due to the large age difference, they may not coincide with yours.
Children should have an opinion about the country in which they live, culture, and so on. Otherwise, a self-sufficient person will not grow out of them. Your children may make friends who you donāt like, but your child does not care. Often the older child also infuriates because he fences off you, begins to hide something, is rude. This cannot be called a normal state of affairs. If your son or daughter began to behave this way, then they donāt see you as a friend. Who is to blame? Of course, you yourself.
At some stage in growing up your beloved child (perhaps already from the cradle), you became for him not his beloved parents, but strict and demanding educators. At first, the wall you erected was transparent and hardly felt. But every year she increasingly gained density. How to destroy it? The older the child, the more difficult it is to do, and sometimes it is completely impossible. The only way to build relationships is to try to become a friend for the child, to gain his authority.
The costs of education
Do not forget that the child is not your property. He should not live and act like you. He has his own thoughts and feelings, he has every right to express them the way he likes. Of course, you need to raise children, but you canāt go too far in this process.
Initially, all your requirements should be reasonable and logically justified. For example, you can strictly demand that a child wash their hands before eating, clearly explaining what will happen to him if microbes get into his tummy. But you should not insist that he play with this particular boy or only with this girl. You should try to explain any requirement to your child. In relation to kids it is better if it will be in a playful way. Dialogue must be respected with older children. It will not be superfluous if you take an interest in their opinion, praise for the help or the right decision.
Fatigue is not a cause for irritation
Of course, different events happen in your personal life. Your bosses may not appreciate you, offend a friend, or piss a passerby on the street. You are not returning home in the best mood. But is your child to blame for this?
Having crossed the threshold of your apartment, you must leave at the entrance all the irritation that has accumulated in you for the whole day. If you try to distract yourself by playing with the baby, a certain balance will appear in your own soul. Do not break it with abuse and inattention to your little one, do not punish him for all your misfortunes. When he falls asleep, you can continue the therapy of your soul, for example, taking an aromatic bath, listening to pleasant music, talking on the phone with a friend. But all this will happen later, when the baby falls asleep and does not need you.
Too many responsibilities
If it seems to you that you are not coping with the responsibilities that are growing every day like a snowball, try contacting your loved ones. Perhaps your parents do not know how difficult it is for you. If you tell them about the problems, perhaps they will take your child for a week or two, and at that time you will pull your tails up or just get enough sleep.
In any case, you do not need to blame the baby for your difficulties. After all, he did not ask you to become a mom (dad). You yourself made a serious decision to expand the horizons of your family and have a baby. If you donāt have anyone to ask for help, try to choose the most important of all the cases that you donāt have time to complete. The rest will be done as far as possible.
Try to understand that the immensity cannot be embraced, no matter how hard you try. In the pursuit of your own affairs (for example, career), you miss something important. This is communication with your own child. Years fly fast. It may happen that a grown heir will only need you as a maintenance staff, because you yourself broke off his spiritual connection when he was little.
Enrages own child. What to do?
If the baby annoys you, does this mean that you are a bad mother? If your charming peanut painted beautifully expensive wallpapers in the morning, broke your favorite vase in the afternoon, and in the evening threw a tantrum about the fact that he does not want to eat semolina, itās difficult to keep himself in control.
It so happened that you have a terrible mood on this day, you want to close yourself in your room and be alone. But you canāt explain this to the children. They are always there, they need to communicate, answer ten times the same questions, remain in their eyes understanding, kind, caring and most beloved.
In this situation, try to remember what your little one was doing all day. Almost certainly he was left to his own devices. Most likely, you did something important and did not pay attention to it. That is why he painted the wallpaper, cut the mustache for the cat, knocked the flower pot down on the floor, and did other terrible things.
How often children annoy and infuriate us only because we are not up to them! They stick to us with their cubes, and we have an annual report in our head. They need to put the doll to bed, and we need to watch our favorite series. They ask to draw a house with a roof, and we have dinner on the stove burns. How to be in this situation? Do you always have to give up your interests for the sake of the child? How to overcome the irritation of the fact that we are prevented from going about our business?
Irritation
In psychology, this condition has long been explained. Annoyance is our reaction to the behavior of other people, which we do not like, interferes, distracts from something. As a rule, such a state grows gradually. For example, at first you just said to your child: "Leave me alone!". If he continues to pester you with questions, you can shout at him. Then they use swearing, screaming, a belt, a corner, deprivation of sweets and other methods of āeducationā.
How to make the baby understand when it is possible and impossible to annoy parents with their requests? You need to start teaching him this literally from the first year of life. Child psychologists advise as the child grows up to teach his independence. Do not patronize the baby too zealously. Give him the opportunity to independently build a castle out of cubes or draw "kalyaki-kalyaki" in a notebook. Praise him for his diligence. Introduce duties gradually into his young life.
If little children are furious, then, whatever one may say, their parents are to blame for this. Suppose you missed the moment of the beginning of education. If your heir is already 3-4 years old, but he himself doesnāt know anything, therefore he constantly requires something from you, it will be a little more difficult to teach him independence. Start small. If your adult business allows, try to bring a child to it. For example, if you are busy with general cleaning, give him some task.
Manipulations
It sounds strange, but our children are very wise. They perfectly understand where the dad, and often the mother, is located, and they try to manipulate it. How can this be manifested? For example, a child knows that it is very important for you whether he ate semolina or not. The kid begins to demand a new machine for one spoon, a robot for the second, and a kilogram of sweets for the third.
Very often, children begin to twist ropes from their parents in public places, for example, in a store. They feel or understand that mothers and fathers are ashamed of their behavior, so they will try to quickly hush up the conflict. So our kids require them to buy them the most beautiful toy, ice cream or something else, while stomping their feet, falling to the floor and so on.
Psychologists say that parents are to blame for this. It was mothers and fathers who taught the baby how to manipulate. For example, they promised the baby to buy something if he collects his toys.
How to deal with manipulations
It is not necessary to be irritated at such behavior of children. Even if they behave very badly, do not stop loving them. This is the main advice that psychologists give to all parents.
Think about why a child is enraging, demanding something from you. After all, you behave exactly the same way when you need something from him. He just learned your lessons very well. Do you really need to scold him for this?
Psychologists advise revising their own behavior, stop promising the child to provide any benefits if, for example, he takes away in his locker, does homework, apologizes to Aunt Masha, goes on vacation to his grandmother in the village or looks after his younger sister.
Another trick is to ignore the tantrums of the child. This is difficult to do, especially in a public place. But even if the peanut fell to the floor in the store and requires a new machine, you cannot beat him for it.
The famous doctor Komarovsky advises in any situation, if even a child is very upset, in the evening it is imperative to wish him sweet dreams, to end the day in a positive way.
Of course, many are infuriated by their own child, who behaves badly. In the case of manipulations, be sure to review your behavior and stop doing the same. If you need something from a child, demand it without the promise of all kinds of gifts. If you cannot buy something for him, do not come up with impossible tasks. Just say a solid no and explain why this is so, and not otherwise.
Parental anger
It is generally accepted that this is the emotion that is born during the affirmation of who is the boss in the house. This is manifested in the one who will prevail, the parent, demanding unquestioning obedience, or the child, ignoring any instructions. Anger can also arise in a situation where the heir does not heed any exhortations and regularly does bad deeds, for example, a teenager brings deuces from school, smokes, walks with no one knows where or where.
Young children can be very annoying if they ruin something in the house, for example, they break their motherās expensive phone, despite the fact that they are strictly forbidden to touch it.
At such moments, you can lose control of yourself and hit the child. In medical practice, there are cases when loving parents in a fit of anger broke their childrenās hands or feet. How to cope with your feelings and not harm the baby? Firstly, urgently drink a sedative. You can start a dialogue with a teenager only when you are in an adequate condition. If you shout hysterically at him or threaten him, he will simply move away from you even more, close himself, perhaps begin to despise or hate you. With this development of events, he can leave home. Who will feel better from this?
If you go back to the example with a broken phone, then you also can not physically punish the baby. Try to calm down. Remember: you can repair the phone or buy a new one, which cannot be said about the child.
How to restore peace of mind
Psychologists advise many ways to help calm the nerves. Above, we mentioned medicines. Do not neglect this recommendation. If the nervous system is too excited, it is very difficult to correct this only with psychological techniques. But they will help you.
Experts say that you need to find an item on which you must pour out your anger. Let it be a wall in your room, into which you will throw a soft toy with all your strength. You can also tear the newspaper into small pieces or trample on your hat.
A contrast shower or even a simple wash with ice water helps to find peace of mind. You can close yourself in the bathroom and shout several times into space: "My child infuriates me!" However, do not try to begin to resolve the conflict with your heir, being on the verge of collapse. Having yelled in the same bathroom, tell yourself that you love your son (or daughter), no matter what, he is dear to you. Think about what will happen if he suddenly disappears from your life.
Having calmed down, do not rush to immediately sort things out. First, beat the current situation from all sides, make a plan (for yourself), how you will restore the trust of your child.
How not to get annoyed at your sons and daughters
Does your child piss you off? What to do to regain peace of mind and not ruin the relationship with your beloved child? A universal advice that is suitable for any situation is impossible to give. In order for children to perceive the requirements of their parents, they need to be accustomed to this from an early age. However, this must be done in a playful way, so that the child is interested. In addition, by teaching him, for example, not just collecting toys in a box, but sending dolls to a house or cars in a garage, you will develop his imagination.
It will be easier for you with a teenager if you develop trusting friendships.
In any situation, do not allow yourself to use physical force. The child absorbs everything like a sponge. He will easily accept such behavior as a norm and will begin to behave the same towards those who are weaker than him. This will bring you only additional problems.
What psychologists say
So you said to yourself: "My child infuriates me." What to do? Psychologists advise in any improper behavior of the child to look for their mistakes. When the baby was born, he knew nothing and could not. It was you who taught him to manipulate you, to be lazy, to make a reservation, not to obey. You may argue that you did nothing of the kind.
Psychologists say that adults almost never notice behavioral errors, but the child becomes their indicator. Try to analyze your actions more often, donāt manipulate your child, donāt threaten to āgive someone elseās auntā, ācall a grannyā and so on.
In any situation, remember that this is your child, you love him very much.