When it comes to addiction, most often we have images of people suffering from the so-called chemical addiction (addiction to alcohol, drugs, smoking). In addition to addiction, we attribute excessive enthusiasm for computers (games, social networks) and gambling.
However, there is still co-dependence, which differs from other types of dependence in that at least two people participate in this process. And liberation from co-dependence can lead to the solution of many other problems, whether it is the use of psychoactive substances or "living" in a social network.
Need to know what to deal with.
To get rid of co-dependence, you must first understand what it is and how it is dangerous. There is a rather long list of characteristics of a co-dependent person, we list some of them:
- a co-dependent person feels good when others approve of him;
- Feels guilty about other people's problems;
- afraid to be rejected;
- divides the whole world into "black" and "white";
- undeservedly idealizes others and resents them because they do not live up to his expectations;
- cannot distinguish his thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others.
This list can be continued, however, all of these characteristics reflect the erasure of the boundaries of the individual, an unconscious type of thinking.
Is recovery possible or not?
The traditional medical approach answers this question negatively, referring to the impossibility of confronting the biological and hereditary factors involved in the formation of dependent behavior.
However, according to Berry and Jeney Winehold, exemption from co-dependence is, first of all, exemption from unfinished, unresolved problems in the client’s early childhood. Each person in the process of his development goes through a number of important stages. All stages associated with the transition of a person from one stage to another must be completed in an acceptable manner, otherwise there is a risk of developing deviant behavior.
Probably, at some period in the history of the client, the boundaries were violated or some event occurred, the recollection and elaboration of which will allow to survive the release. Sometimes, several steps separate us from co-dependence, and it is important to be especially careful when raising children.
The main thing is freedom
In his book, Liberation from Co-Dependence, Berry Winehold focuses on the concept of freedom as a qualitative characteristic of a person. Freedom involves a certain state that cannot be achieved, focusing only on external stimuli. However, freedom does not mean impunity and permissiveness. First of all, it is important to understand what we want to be free from.
Liberation from co-dependence presupposes, first of all, the turning of the inner gaze to one's own “I”, to the awareness of the reasons that determine our behavior.
Paths to recovery
Most often, liberation from the trap of co-dependence is carried out in two ways:
1. By focusing on co-dependence as a disease, as a foreign object, which must be fought.
2. By building new relationships with loved ones.
But there is a third way, which the book "Liberation from co-dependence" is devoted to. This approach is based on the fact that co-dependence is not an incurable disease, but rather quite amenable to correction.
The potential of personality on the path to freedom
Co-dependent relationships devastate a person, because they lead to blurring the boundaries of the individual, to a partial loss of oneself and dissolution in another. Work aimed at developing one’s personal potential, at recognizing oneself as a whole, leads to the strengthening of the boundaries of the "I".
In order to get rid of the burdensome co-dependence, the most effective is the 12-step program, which includes a phased study of the problem of co-dependent relations. In the course of work under this program, a person learns to take responsibility for his life and, as a result, becomes a more mature person.
Co-dependence and society
However, liberation from dependence is complicated by the fact that modern society is not interested in the development of an individual. Cohesion, team spirit is good. But, on the other hand, a society built on co-dependence is a herd effect, erasing the boundaries of the “I”, the absence of one’s opinion and, as a result, exposure to the influence of someone else’s point of view.
Nevertheless, man is a social being and cannot live separately from others. In the struggle for liberation from co-dependence, other people can provide invaluable support and assistance. In particular, getting rid of the co-dependence of married couples is much faster, more effective and painless if carried out immediately for both spouses. Visiting various support groups will also speed up the healing process due to the positive influence of other people with the same problems. And finally, reading motivational literature on successful release will provide the necessary resources for personal change.
Co-dependency Prevention
The simplest thing we can do to protect our child from co-dependent relationships in the future is to have a strong relationship with him from early childhood, but at the same time respect his borders. For this, it is important to understand that a child is a person who has the right to his own emotions and feelings. When we prohibit a small person more often than we allow, he can stop believing in himself and rely only on someone else's, “competent” opinion.