An evil stepmother and a meek stepdaughter are the basis of most of the Russian fairy tales, which mention the new wife of the pope. A fairy tale is a lie and a hint in it, as they say. In life, unfortunately, this happens often. Mom dies, dad marries another aunt. And she turns the life of her stepson or stepdaughter into hell.
But is a stepmother always a monster? Let's talk in more detail on this topic.
Who is she?
What does stepmother mean? If we open the dictionary and read the definition of this word, we will find out the following: the stepmother is the fatherās new spouse, step-mother to his children from their first marriage. That is, not just someone elseās aunt, but a step mother. Or reception.
Therefore, if desired, a woman who has become a stepmother, she may well become a second mother for orphaned children. Or a real friend.
Children against
Who is a stepmother? Enemy for a child? Or maybe the other way around? Someone will be outraged: how is this so? Can a child be an enemy for an adult woman? It sounds wild, but it can. Often it is children who provoke the popeās new spouse to negative emotions in their address. And if the stepmother at least once show them, that's all. Immediately declare enemy No. 1.
How does this happen? How can a child evoke an adult's emotions? Easy. A simple example: a son or daughter is rude, and a mother increases her voice. Probably, it is familiar to any mother, a similar attempt to put the child in place. Now imagine that the child is openly rude to her stepmother. And she makes a remark to him, not even raising her voice, without a second thought: you are behaving so badly. Can not be so.
From here the conflict begins to arise. Why? Consider the following subsection.
You're a stranger
The meaning of the word stepmother we examined above. This is the fatherās new wife, step-mother for his children from a previous marriage. And for some reason, for most people, this word evokes the most negative emotions. Perhaps this is due to the image of the stepmother from Russian folk tales.
However, the stepmother is not always as bad as she is described. Sometimes new children themselves provoke it into conflict, as mentioned above. Why is this happening?
Fear. Dad and the child lived in perfect harmony, and then a strange aunt appeared. Son or daughter in quiet horror: before dad loved his child, but now what will happen? Is this woman standing between them and dad will forget his son or daughter? The child, especially in adolescence, perceives everything extremely sharply. In addition, fear drives him. Fear of losing the fatherās love, fear that the stepmother will force the child out of the life of the parent will make him forget. In the end, the fear that daddyās love might not be enough for a new wife and child from his first marriage. And the father will have to make a choice.
Resentment. Mom and Dad loved each other very much. Then mom was gone. Papa warmed up and decided that a housewife was needed in the house, and the mother was needed for the child. He brought a new wife to the house. A father loves his second wife. And the child cannot understand how it is. Dad loved his mother. So now he forgot about her? Stopped loving? So the child begins in every possible way to survive the stepmother from home, quietly hating the woman. And she had nothing to do with it. Is the stepmother to blame for the fact that the father of the child fell in love with her? And to blame for her love for him?
Jealousy. This is a classic of the genre in families. The child is simply jealous of the new wife for his parent. Previously, all the attention on his part was only for the son or daughter. And now there was an extraneous woman with whom she had to share this attention and dad's love. Another reason to behave aggressively with your stepmother.
How to behave stepmother?
Stepmother - the interpretation and definition of the word is a little frightening. Step mother. Yes, let stepless. But you can be a stranger and at the same time - good for children.
With such thoughts, the new wife enters the house. She just can't wait to start raising her stepson or stepdaughter. In a good sense of the word. To teach, help, instruct in something. In the evenings, drink tea together and chat with the child. I want him to trust. So the woman takes up this idea with enthusiasm. And then he is faced with the opposite effect. The child stubbornly ignores the stepmother, frankly dares her and does not obey. What trust is there.
Why it happens? A woman with all her soul, and to her like that. Because it is impossible right away and in the quarry. The child must get used to the fact that a new spouse of his father has now appeared in his life. And he must reach for her. You can not impose your communication, and even more so take on the educational process. Stepdaughter or stepson in stress without it.
One more example. The second wife does not like the decor in the new house. Itās not here, itās not so clean, but this is not the place here at all. And she begins to restore her order. It seems to her that it will be more comfortable, better for everyone. Then the child begins to behave aggressively, curse. Who is the stepmother to clean up this house? Here is my motherās way. That is, the child thinks that the new spouse of the parent wants to get rid of the presence of her mother in the house sooner, putting things in order to her liking. She wants to make dad forget about mom. And over time, make him forget about his son or daughter from a previous marriage.
Imagine how the child feels at this moment? What fear? He begins to defend himself in such a peculiar way, and the stepmother remains perplexed that she did bad? I just wanted to clean the apartment.
Summarize
Who is the stepmother in a childās life? It all depends on the behavior of the woman herself. When the second wife enters the new home, she should not do the following:
Take the bull by the horns, trying to do everything at once. This is especially true of relationships with a child. No need to try to force yourself on him. Calm, even communication without fawning or superiority is the best solution in a situation of "stepmother - stepson or stepdaughter."
To clean up the new house. All gradually, not immediately. Why this cannot be done is described above.
Trying to gain the trust of a child by gifts and oil sulking. Children feel fake. Therefore, you need to be sincere with your husbandās first child. And do not try to buy it for gifts. This will not be appreciated; rather, it will cause neglect, especially in a teenager.
Show that now the house is a new mistress. And be too strict with the child. This will only cause a protest on his part.
Conclusion
We examined who such a stepmother is. What does this word mean from the point of view of the Russian language. And what does it mean at the household level. The main mistakes of the second wife of the father, which must be avoided, are also noted.