Mom for any child is usually a symbol of kindness, love, reliability and tranquility. And I want to be under her sensitive guardianship longer. Unfortunately, sometimes maternal love can develop into rather tight control and requirements. This article discusses what a tyrant mother is. Recommendations to combat it will also be given. We will tell you how to act in this case, the daughter of the victim.
Tyrant
If you look at education from the side, then such a mother can be identified easily. To do this, you do not even need to know the basic signs of behavior. The tyrant mother always tries to control any action of the child. She imposes her opinion; otherwise, it is not taken into account. A tyrant mother achieves her goal by any methods and means, rarely shows her love for children. At the same time, in public, she may seem like a pretty sweet and kind woman. Children who are constantly under the control of their mother can simply take such behavior for granted and not see anything special about it. For example, in many villages or in wealthy families one cannot disobey the will of the mother. A girl is freed from maternal guardianship and will only when she gets married. There, her husband is engaged in her further education. And then, most often, the spouse is picked up by the parents themselves. The fate of a child brought up by a tyrant cannot be called happy and easy. How to recognize that a tyrant mother? Signs will be listed below.
Constant control
The most important sign is constant control and power over the child. And the woman achieves this by any means, up to the destruction of the child as a person. Children of such a mother rarely engage in any circles, are constantly at home. And if they manage to break free, for example, for a walk, then there will be control. Mom decides where and how much time you can walk the baby. And God forbid the child disobeys her. Punishment can be very cruel. The worst thing is when, because of her control, the mother does not allow the child to attend even school, transferring him to home schooling.
Mother's selfishness
Tyrants are used to thinking that the whole world is at their feet and everything should be done only for them. And those who disagree with this may fall out of favor. And it is clear that children are least protected from the influence of such a mother. Sometimes mother tyrants demand from the children impossible behavior. They are angry if the child simply does not know how to speak at a young age. Or the child disobeyed his mother and did not tidy up toys in the children's room. Selfishness here is that mothers do not care about the age of the child, in her opinion, the baby should be able to do a lot already in the year and obey it.
All decisions are made only by the mother
All decisions for the child are made by the mother, regardless of how old he is. This may relate to what to wear, what to eat, where you can go, and where it is strictly forbidden. The mother decides whether the child needs to attend music, singing or not. If she believes that this is necessary, he can only obey. And it does not take into account that the child is completely indifferent to the music, but, for example, modern dances are interesting. While he lives with his mother, her word becomes the last. And the child’s desire is practically not taken into account. Mom picks him a social circle, friends. This is at best. Most often, mothers believe that a child after birth is simply obligated to devote his whole life to his mother.
The opinion of the child is not taken into account at all
Any opinion and statement of children is reduced to zero. The child cannot independently, without the intervention of the mother, determine what is bad and what is good. For example, he rejoices that the neighbor boy is well done, picked up a street kitten. Mom will find a thousand evidence that this is not necessary. These phrases are given out: “Mom needs to obey; to grow out of you, if not for your mother; you cannot even dress normally without your mother’s help, ”and so on. The opinion of the child should completely coincide with the opinion of the mother.
Increased tone
The tyrant mother always gives practical advice on elevated tones. And they cannot be disobeyed. Otherwise, words can be replaced by assault. And even if these tips are outdated or do not carry useful information. A tyrant can prove the truth of his advice for hours until he achieves his. Most often, such conversations occur not just with shouts, but also with reproaches that they do not appreciate and respect her. A compromise is unknown to such a lady.
Indifference and cold to your child
Such mothers are most often distinguished by their coldness and indifference to children. From the lips of tyrants one can rarely hear the words: “I love you; You are my joy; you my sun; I am proud of you". They are not interested in the achievements of children. And if the child has achieved something, and it seems unnecessary to the mother (for example, cross stitching, drawing, repairing broken toys), then the mother will not only not praise. On the contrary, it can be criticized for this with the phrase: "It would be better if I were engaged in useful work." And when the baby brings home "five" for school or mopped the floor, takes out the trash, this again will remain without praise.
Mandatory help to the tyrant
From birth, it is suggested that he is obligated to help his mother. And he was born just to be an assistant. But gratitude for these things never happens. On the contrary, if, helping the mother, the child makes at least the slightest mistake (he didn’t dust everything, collected all the toys, didn’t clean the dishes and the like), then reproaches and humiliation will immediately follow: “You are so syak and why am I only you gave birth. " And if everything is done correctly, then you should not wait for words of gratitude. Almost from birth, a child should be able to do everything. After all, his mother taught him everything, and if the child did not understand, these were his problems, it was necessary to listen. Errors are simply excluded.
Reproaches towards the child
When a child allows himself to disobey his mother, do something in his own way, go to relax with friends, then there will be long reproaches. “I didn’t sleep at night, raised; your behavior only raises my pressure; not a grateful daughter, I’m all for you, but you ... ”- and there are many such expressions. As a result, the mother of a tyrant and a despot kills the soul of a child. If this has not happened in childhood, then it can achieve this in adolescence (when the child is very vulnerable), and even when a person is well over thirty. Therefore, children raised by a tyrant mother can be easily distinguished from the crowd of children. These are most often quiet and insecure kids.
Selection of a profitable party for your child
As the child grows up, the mother tries to find him a profitable party. And if the choice of the child falls on the usual hard worker, then he will be accepted with hostility. The mother will and in every possible way try to get him out of the life of her child. According to the mother, she knows better which party the child needs. What will be more convenient for him with a secured soulmate (and most often this is due to the motivation that the mother herself will not be deprived of money after the wedding). And there are such tyrants that they generally do not allow children to go into an adult, separate life. They do not allow not only to get acquainted with the opposite sex, but also stop all communication.
Call of Duty
A tyrant mother raises her children with a sense of duty to her mother. They simply must always be near and obey only her. After all, mother at one time ruined the figure, ruined her youth, quit good work, if only to give children more attention and to raise them to their feet. And now the children should always be there, at any call. Often mothers pretend to be sick, call at night if they are bored.
Baby weaknesses
Mothers also use weaknesses to steer any situation in the direction they need. For example, this woman knows that the child is worried about her health, and she will manipulate him. At first, do not let go to the disco under the guise that she has pressure. Then, when the child grows up and moves to live independently, he will call and ask to buy medicine. Night calls will not be rare.
A fairly common occurrence: a tyrant mother, a victim daughter. The signs listed above will help determine the girl's attitude to her mother. And if most of them fit, then you will need to try to get rid of the tyranny of the mother.
How to act the victim daughter? Recommendations
What if a tyrant mother? Unfortunately, such a mother is no less dangerous than a tyrant man. She can do much more harm to the child's psyche than the same father. And if it still happened, then at first you need to soberly assess the situation. Do not try to immediately run away from home and rush to get married. Since the second half can be much worse than a tyrant mother. After all, you know the last from birth. And you can already predict all its actions in advance. But the actions of the husband / wife cannot be foreseen. If possible, you can enroll in full-time education, with the provision of a place in the hostel. You can still find work with housing (provide employees). Or just rent an apartment with your lover, but without marriage. After all, you need to look closely at the chosen one.
Baby grew up
Although, from the point of view of psychology, a tyrant mother is a rather difficult person to perceive the information and desires of a child, there is still the opportunity to be heard. No need to try to immediately eradicate maternal obsession and guardianship. At first, it’s enough to make it clear that her child has already grown up and has her own “I” and opinion. Try to ease the tyranny of the mother. If there is no way to cope on your own, you can resort to the services of a psychologist. And there are positive results, normal relations between the mother and the child are being established. The situation is much more complicated when an elderly tyrant mother and an adult daughter. There is practically only one way out. Living apart from the mother.
How to live?
Although the last exit is available, unfortunately, not for everyone. Sometimes they are constrained by financial opportunities, and sometimes by the age / illness of the mother. There are many ways to live with a tyrant mother in the world. Here, the choice of actions is selected individually. This does not mean that, living on with your mother, you need to let her be a tyrant. It is necessary to make her understand that her opinion and advice are important. But her beloved child grew up, and he has his own opinion and his own outlook on life. Do not argue with your mother, it is especially difficult to communicate with a tyrant when he is already at an advanced age. The main thing is that all conversations and actions should take place calmly. Even if the mother is angry, it is necessary to respond in a calm tone. Make it clear that they are grateful to her and her word will be surely taken into account. But the final choice will be made independently.
How to survive with a tyrant mother? Another option is a complete ignore of all her actions and comments. Swearing often brings pleasure to the mother. She might like the way she pisses off a child. A more humane method is that mothers can find some kind of hobby, at least buy her a kitten, on which she can splash out her tyranny. And the child will be left alone.
Why did she become a tyrant?
Sometimes the question arises: why do many mothers behave as expected, give all their love to children and do not require anything in return? And some mothers simply do not let their children live peacefully. Three main reasons can be distinguished here, because of which the mother became a tyrant mother (we examined the signs above). So, there are the following options:
- Tyrant from birth. She herself was raised and inspired in such a way that, according to a different method of education, the children will simply be naughty and ungrateful. And here all the signs of tyranny are already showing. Here, there is likely to be only one way out for the child. Make every effort and move away from such a parent. Since what was suggested in childhood, it is extremely difficult to eradicate. Although you can try to put your mother in her place, remind her of her childhood, because she also did not like to be under constant, terrible control. Everything will depend on how old the tyrant mother is. Since if the child is late and the mother is already about 60 years old, then here conversations are likely to be powerless.
- Mother was raised by an egoist. And from an early age she likes to command, so that everything is done in her opinion. It is just as hard to fight such women. Although you can reach them. After all, egoists love when they are doing well. And that means they love it when all is well with their children. If you find an approach to such a person, the right words and actions, then from her then you can get the perfect mother and grandmother.
- A woman can become a tyrant mother when she herself could not establish herself in life. If in childhood I experienced strong humiliation, I grew up insecure child. At the birth of a baby, she tries at least for him to become the main and example in life. For children, her word is a law, and you cannot argue with him. In this case, changing the behavior of a tyrant is also possible. But the main thing is that you don’t need to press hard psychologically. Since, having lost control even over her own child, a woman can completely become isolated in herself and consider herself a complete loser in life.
Work brought the woman
It is very rare that a girl becomes a tyrant mother by virtue of her position. Usually by this time the psyche of a person is already formed, and a woman should be able to see the difference between family and work. But still, such cases occur. Here the solution to the problem can be found pretty quickly. It is enough to have a conversation. Based on this, it is important to understand what to do if the mother is a tyrant. Much depends on the cause of tyranny in women.
Advice
It turns out that for children whose upbringing was carried out by a tyrant mother, there are several ways out. The main thing here is to have time to pull ourselves together in time. Be able to properly repulse tyranny. Do not lose heart and do not despair. And if it is known why mother became a tyrant, it will be easier to find an approach and try to change her behavior. But the most important thing is to prevent the child from making mother mistakes. And give birth to children only love and affection.