Of course, we all live in society, but each of us needs some kind of untouchable territory where you can feel safe. Personal space is the main condition for the normal functioning of the human psyche. Therefore, the definition and maintenance of its borders are very important in the life of each of us.
Reasons why we need our own comfort zone
The very idea of āāpersonal territory is rooted in the distant past and is associated with the animal world. Ethologist Lorenz Conrad (a scientist who studies the genetically determined behavior of animals and humans) argued that the presence of individual space is associated with the aggression of pack animals or birds. For example, starlings sit on wires at intervals. The distance between them is exactly equal to their ability to reach each other with their beaks. If the animal is not aggressive, then it does not need personal space.
It follows that the animal needs some kind of personal territory as much as it expects any kind of aggression in its direction.
A person to one degree or another is also a flocking individual, so the conclusion reached by Konrad Lorenz also applies to him. For example, when a daughter approaches her mother, hugs her, the mother does not think about the fact that the child violates her personal space. But the very same woman feels herself in a completely different way if she is embraced by an unfamiliar colleague. Why it happens? What are the boundaries of our individual space? What factors influence their establishment? The personal space of a person and its types will be discussed in the article.
Borders
Personal or individual space is an area in which a person feels safe and comfortable. The following boundaries of the comfort zone are distinguished, depending on the degree of acquaintance with people:
- From 15 to 45 centimeters is a distance that is comfortable when communicating with children, a partner, close friends.
- From 46 centimeters to 1 meter - an acceptable distance when communicating with colleagues, neighbors, classmates.
- From 1 meter to 3.5 meters - this is the space psychologists call the "social zone", that is, a comfortable area for communicating with people in transport, at the bus stop.
- A distance of more than 3.5 meters is necessary for communication with a large group.
Indicators affecting the definition of boundaries
The establishment of restrictions depends, first of all, on the personal characteristics of the person himself. Here, for example, indicators that affect the definition of comfort zones:
- Type of human character . People closed, closed from the outside world, need solitude. Open and communicative people often violate the individual space of others and allow outsiders to enter their comfort zone.
- The degree of self-confidence. Self-sufficient and self-confident people do not violate the boundaries of another personās personal space. For example, a wife will never check her husbandās phone. That is, the lower the level of self-esteem, the more a person allows himself to violate the individual zone of another person and allows him to do this in relation to himself.
- Place of residence. People living in a metropolis have more narrowed boundaries of their own space than those who live in small towns. In addition, it is believed that southerners are less jealous of their personal comfort zone than northerners.
- Family and culture. There are families in which the boundaries of the personal zone are practically erased. A person who has grown up in such an environment, as a rule, can speak on any topic without feeling discomfort or embarrassment. If the child grew up in a family where they respected their personal comfort zone, then it is very difficult for him to talk openly about aspects of his personal life or discuss others.
Violation of individual space
Any intrusion into a personal comfort zone leads to irritation. The reason is that a person, defining boundaries, wants to protect himself both on a psychological and physical level.
Someone is comfortable talking from a distance, but someone is not. It is especially difficult for those people who need a certain distance from others. At concerts, in transport, at work, in the elevator, they experience panic, irritation, and disgust. And if you compare each violation of their personal space with a slap in the face, itās hard to imagine how many such slap-blows they receive during the day. They experience stress, and quite a long time.
And what about the child, to whom they constantly climb with hugs and kisses? And then they say that he is a moody and uncontrollable baby.
Violation of personal space always leads to psychological discomfort, which translates into stress, depression, and insomnia. And it doesnāt matter if an adult is a person or a child.
Why is it important to learn how to protect your space?
An attempt on another personās comfort zone or ignoring oneās personal boundaries always leads to conflict and aggression.
Negativity can be directed both at the intruder and at oneself. A person begins to blame himself for all troubles. Internal discomfort appears, which gradually destroys him as a person. In addition, he shows an unsuccessful example to his child, who, in adulthood, will also endure undesirable encroachments, since he is completely unable to defend himself from them.
People with difficulties in dealing with borders always have psychological problems and various kinds of diseases.
What to do?
Here are some tips to help protect your privacy:
- Learn to say no, even to your loved ones.
- Forever abandon guilt, as it is it - an excellent tool for manipulation.
- Exclude familiarity in communication.
- Do not try to please everyone and be good for everyone.
- Correctly criticize.
- Do not allow anyone to manipulate themselves.
- Try not to respond to provocations.
- Always maintain physical distance when communicating.
- Exclude excessive frankness.
- Try to be fair.
Individual space is a zone of calm and security. Do not violate the comfort limits of other people by interfering in their lives, giving advice, and then it will be easy to maintain a distance and not allow others to cross the limits.
Types of personal comfort zone
The individual space has other dimensions besides the physical. The following forms are common:
- Object space or private property are things, objects to which only we have access. For example, a personal computer, a desktop, an office, a bed, and so on.
- Living space is a personal place where you can retire, relax and feel safe. This is not necessarily your house or apartment, it can be your corner, your own part of the room.
- Personal information space is the right to secrecy. You canāt read other people's letters, SMS, view a mobile phone. Everyone has the right to privacy.
- Personal emotional space is the feelings that we experience at will.
- Personal time is free time from obligations and work, which you can dispose of at your own discretion.
Male and female approach to the concept of "personal space"
Men intuitively protect the boundaries of their comfort. They know how to do it both physically and verbally. Their clear limitations make it clear how securely the private area is protected.
Women have problems with breaking borders. This is due to the fact that the nature of the beautiful half of humanity is dual. On the one hand, they want to dissolve in their chosen one, and on the other, they admit much that is inadmissible in relation to themselves.
They begin to endure, and it is in this sacrifice that the difference between men and women lies.
The comfort zone of each partner in a relationship
Partners sometimes need to be alone with themselves. When there is respect in the couple, then problems with violating the boundaries of personal space in a relationship do not arise. And if suddenly the rights of one of the partners begin to be infringed, then we need to start working on this.
You always need to start with yourself, the only way you can make it clear to a loved one how important it is to be careful about personal boundaries: phone, email, social networks, meetings with friends.
There must be compromises in personal relationships. You must be able to talk and agree, and then there will be no problems in violating personal space.