Most of the relatives go to us by birthright, some we can choose for ourselves, for example, godmothers or spouses. But there is a separate category of kinship - mother-in-law and son-in-law. The relationship here, frankly, is a delicate thing, they require delicacy from all participants.
Classic triangle
It turns out strange: adults who seem to be able to build relationships do not
can overcome hostility towards each other, and only on the basis that they are mother-in-law and son-in-law. It seems that there is no reason to spoil relations, but it is difficult to get out of the state of the Cold War. In this case, the third party suffers the most - the wife, she and the daughter. After all, a woman has to constantly maneuver so as not to become a hostage to one and not offend another participant in the conflict.
Favorite Russian questions
Who is to blame and what to do? Mother-in-law and son-in-law ... The relations of this "couple" are often very complicated. These are difficult roles, but they can also be played beautifully and with dignity. The difference in age, worldview, and gender, finally, creates a gap between the two people of misunderstanding, but if you want, you can build a bridge through it at any time. And it’s better to build it from two sides.
What to do mother-in-law
1. Accept your son-in-law for what he is, because a guy is your daughter’s choice. Take a closer look, for which she fell in love with him. You must admit that a person cannot consist of shortcomings alone. Yes, he does not earn much, but he is a faithful husband and a good father. Lost in the service and devotes little time to the family? Probably, like any normal man, seeks to create the proper level of comfort. For a year does the faucet flow and the bell does not work? But he cooks himself and washes the dishes.
2. Discard invented images of princes who (with a stretch, of course) are worthy of your daughter: in life, not all are representatives of “blue” blood.
3. Stop comparing him to the son of a neighbor, your husband or neighbor in the country. It is still unknown whether you would have liked a neighbor as much if he had been in the place of his son-in-law.
4. Let the young people build their relationship. Do not meddle with advice (at least if you are not asked about this), even if you really want to put everything in its place.
5. Have a personal life, find something to your liking. Make friends or invite those who are available to visit. Bake, go camping, breed Ussuri tigers, do what you like - and then spending time sorting it out with your son-in-law will be simply a pity.
Memo for son-in-law
1. The mother-in-law raised your spouse the way you could love her. Already for this it is worth being thankful to her.
2. The adverse relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law is a difficult test for your wife. Do not expose your loved one to constant stress.
3. Mother-in-law is also a man, moreover, a woman. Congratulations on the holiday, a bouquet of flowers, a repaired chair contribute to the normalization of human relations.
4. If the mother-in-law actively takes part in the device of your life - look at it differently. Your wife will have more time for a career or childcare. In the end, on yourself - beloved! In the event that you do not tolerate interference in your personal space - take your mother-in-law with something else. Give her a summer house, a dog, a bag of yarn and a hook - what she likes, and she will definitely fall behind you.
5. Do not interfere in the relationship of your spouse with mom. Even if they quarreled to the nines, neutrality would be the best position. Remember that they are mother and daughter, and you are mother-in-law and son-in-law, the relations of the last couple are much more fragile.
What should a daughter and wife do
1. Do not have the habit of crying to mom for her husband, and husband - for mom.
2.
Emphasize the advantages of an “opponent” in front of them, do it unobtrusively, but regularly.
3. Learn in critical situations to put an end to disputes, expressing your opinion tactfully, but weightily.
4. The relationship between the mother-in-law and son-in-law does not imply that they should love each other warmly, so do not demand this from them.
5. Do not provoke conflicts if you know that your husband and mother can be together for no more than 30 minutes. You should not plan a joint holiday, weekly lunches on Saturdays or shopping.
Any relationship is formed gradually. Remember this and do not try to run ahead of the engine. Perhaps after a few years, the mother-in-law and son-in-law will be able to call each other relatives at the behest of their hearts and without any irony.