How much has been written about the relationship between parents and children. But even so, people manage to step on the same rake. Children do not understand their fathers, are offended by their mothers and sometimes even run away from home. And what to do to prevent this from happening? It is necessary to solve problems as they arrive, and not wait until the dam, built from insults and misunderstandings, breaks through.
Parents are selfish
Often people spoil relationships with each other for good reason. Parents always do justice to their child, well, at least they think so. The relationship between parents and children is very difficult due to parental egoism.
It is especially developed in some mothers. A well-meaning woman, of course, spends her whole life on raising a child. She spares neither time nor energy, sometimes she works at two jobs only to ensure a happy childhood for her children. But what is selfish here? A woman does not deal with herself; she lives only with her children. She wants to control everything and know everything. And when her children grow up, a woman demands returns from them. Usually mothers of such a warehouse manage to take offense at their children with and without it. It seems to them that the child does not love them enough if he does not come to visit daily or does not call back hourly. Such total control in the psychology of children and parents is the first destructive factor in healthy relationships.
Selfish children
But the first is not always to blame for the relationship between parents and children. With children, it can also be hard. Of course, this is also the fault of the parents. If the child grew up selfish, this is clearly not his fault. He was raised by his parents or relatives. If you pamper young children, buy expensive toys for them and constantly satisfy their short-term desires, then it is foolish to wait for some other result than their bloated ego.
A person who, from an early age, is used to a good life, to the fact that the Universe revolves around him, will be greatly disappointed in the future. And if he cannot build normal relations with society, he will become a big problem for parents. Mature children can sit on the neck of their moms and dads all their lives. They will borrow money from them and not give it back, they will require attention and care, but not reciprocate. It is difficult to get along with such persons, because they have only problems.
Jealousy
The relationship between parents and children can deteriorate if, for example, a mother spends more time on her child than her husband. In this case, the father of the family will become jealous, his relationship with the child will deteriorate. But how could it be otherwise if a man wages war on his own children for his wife’s attention? In this situation, it is not the father who is to blame, but the mother.
In order not to cause problems with jealousy, all family members should devote an equal amount of time to each other. Yes, of course, you can’t kill romance in relations with the birth of a child, but you need to somehow dose it reasonably. There is nothing worse than a family, parents and children in which they fight for each other's attention.
Relationships can deteriorate if the family has not one child, but two. In this case, parents should not choose their favorite pet. You can never compare one child with another, much less bring one to another as an example. This method of education will cause a war between children and, as a result, an insult to parents.
The problem of generations
Relations between parents and children can deteriorate due to misunderstanding of each other. Of course, an adult should understand that each generation has its own ideological values and ideals. A father cannot argue with his son because the child has chosen a “disrespectful” profession. Today, the work that was in demand in the last century, can be considered prestigious. And if a child wants to be a programmer, not an engineer, there is nothing wrong with that.
But not only parents misunderstand the children, it happens and vice versa. A daughter can persuade her mother to use a modern smartphone, and she will cry and say that she does not understand anything. In such a situation, it’s stupid to swear or argue. You must come to terms with the fact that an elderly woman lives at her own pace, and if she is comfortable in it, you need to leave her alone.
Unjustified expectations
Why can relations between parents and children go bad? From unjustified expectations. All people dream of something. Some want to draw, others dance. And what to do if it was not possible to realize the dream? Many people find a way out of this problematic situation, they give birth to children and try to inspire them with their dreams and aspirations.
Impossible to imagine anything worse. A girl may cry and do not want to go to the ballet, but her mother will forcefully drag her to class. Why? Because the woman always wanted to dance, but her mother did not take her to a specialized educational institution.
You need to understand that parents of minor children are not gods. They cannot control the life and desires of children. They should listen to what is interesting to their child. And if the girl does not like to dance, but draws daily, it makes sense to send her to an art school.
Lack of trust
What is the main thing in any relationship? Right, trust. Communication with the child should take place in this vein. It is impossible to imagine a normal relationship, where there is a lie and understatement. If your child has ceased to trust you, try to understand what you are doing wrong.
Of course, every person has secrets. But there are not many of them. Parents should know what is happening in the life of the child, and this information should come to them from the original source.
Of course, trust is a two-sided medal. Parents can go to extremes. For example, if a child began to smoke and himself admitted his act, mother can act in two ways. She either scolds her child (and thereby lose confidence) or remains silent (and by her silence spoils the child’s health). But what needs to be done? There is no need to scold the teenager. It should be explained to the child that smoking is bad, and to argue this is harmful to health. But you should praise the child for his bold confession and say that you do not blame him, many people tried to smoke. The main thing is to end the conversation in the sense that you hope that the child is indulged, but will not smoke anymore.
Constant instruction
How is the standard communication with the child? Parents instruct their child: do not do this, do not touch it, do not go there. The child is growing, but not all adults understand this. For them, children are so for life and remain little stupid creatures that need to be protected and taken care of. And it looks nice when the mother of a five-year-old boy tells him not to lick the railing, but it’s somehow strange to see a man at the age of 30 listening to his mother’s instructions about whom he shouldn’t talk to.
The advice parents give tirelessly is very annoying. If a teenager wants to go to a concert, he must have the right to go to it. But mom can begin to manipulate and persuade. She may say that it is not worth listening to heavy or alternative music, since it affects the psyche badly. Such categorical conclusions, which are not based on anything, it is better not to do at all.
Loneliness
Children grow up very fast. And when they move out of the house and begin to live independently, many parents cannot reconcile with the formed loneliness. Someone is trying to fill it with a new hobby, someone is turning on a pet, and someone is raising grandchildren.
Well, there are parents who cannot fill the void with anything. It is these people and their relationships with children begin to deteriorate. They are trying to blame the child for all their problems. Mom can blame her daughter for the fact that she rarely visits her and is not at all interested in the problems of an elderly woman. Reproaches may be completely unfounded, but they will be frequent, this can ruin the relationship. The daughter will call even less often, as she will not want to listen to constant complaints. To avoid this, parents should find something to do. This can be needlework, design or long walks.
Excessive custody
Young children need constant monitoring. They are just beginning to learn the world, they just need an experienced mentor nearby. Parents always protect their child from danger, teach him to ride a bicycle, swim with him in the river and help to do homework. But you need to understand that children are growing fast.
Excessive custody can be very annoying for a child as a teenager. Due to the fact that parents want to constantly control the lives of children and do not give them personal space, relationships can go bad. Moms and dads must come to terms that at the age of 14 a person can already make decisions independently, and at 18 he needs to move out of the house. Only a separate life from parents can teach a child independence. Yes, parents should give advice, but they must understand that the child may not listen to them.
Inattentive listeners
The relationship between parents and children can be based on distraction. You probably noticed that many people do not know how to listen. How do such people conduct a dialogue? They express their opinion, then superficially listen to yours, and at this time their brain is actively working on creating a new argument. They are not interested in your opinion, they listen to it, but do not hear it.
In this vein, parents like to talk with their children. Why it happens? Adults believe that the opinion of the child does not play any role. What can this inexperienced creature understand? But mom is smart, she knows what to do.
If parents in this vein get used to talking with their child, then when the child becomes a teenager, the situation will not change. There will be no trust in the child for parents. Why tell a person something or share ideas and dreams with him, if he still does not advise anything and cannot really understand the problem.
To prevent this from happening, parents should be distracted from their adults and important matters and pay attention to the child when he comes to talk with them.
What to do to maintain a healthy relationship
The relationship between parents and children is a complex process. Sometimes a barrier of misunderstanding, resentment and understatement interferes with normal communication. In order not to lose contact with their child, parents should give him time daily.
It would be ideal to introduce into the evening ritual something like a game called a candle. It is held in pioneer camps and helps people get closer. What is the essence of such a ritual? Each member of the family, before going to bed, picks up a candle and tells him what good happened to him during the day and what was bad. And if he has accumulated resentment against one of the family members, you need not to be shy and express them. Then they will not grow like a snowball and will not break out of you at the most inopportune moment. Yes, maybe it will be unpleasant for mother to hear that her son will call her too selfish when she does not buy him ice cream, but in this situation the woman will be able to tell why she did not acquire the sweetness. Perhaps the children will not take this ritual seriously, but such a game will definitely give its results. Honesty and trust - this is the basis on which to build any relationship.