In modern society, it is customary to avoid everything related to death. People who survive the death of a relative or friend try not to show their sadness. They get lost when children ask questions about the deceased. Tears and a long manifestation of grief are equated with a painful condition. How to put up with the death of loved ones? This question excites almost everyone.
How to help a survivor?
A person who has recently had grief is isolated. Familiar begin to shun him.
Communication with friends stops. It does not cause positive emotions in others, it only causes discomfort. A person cries, and one has to console him, but it is not always possible to find the right words. Talking about a departed relative or friend seems superfluous. Conversations on extraneous topics seem inappropriate. A person may think that others are insensitive. All these circumstances lead to the fact that friends and relatives try to leave the loved one alone, so that he experiences the loss on his own. How to put up with death? This question occurs to many of those who understand that they themselves must help themselves cope with grief. After all, only strong people are able to stay close in such a situation. It should be remembered that the emotional state after an experienced loss goes through several stages.
Stages of grief
They represent the steps, overcoming which the individual acquires the skills of managing negative emotions. Everyone who asks how to put up with death should know that this sadness has several stages:
- Stage of shock. Lasts up to 9 days. It’s hard for a person to accept a loss, as if he refuses to believe in it. The close ones may get the impression that their relative or friend froze in their grief or is trying to hide it by organizing a funeral, supporting family members of the deceased. Such actions mean that the loss has not yet been realized. This reaction is normal, and others do not need to be afraid for the mental health of a person. How to put up with death at this stage? Reviews say it’s important to give free rein to your emotions.
- Stage of denial. It lasts up to 40 days. A wake is a moment when the soul of the deceased is, as it were, released into heaven. A person experiencing grief begins to realize his loss, to reconcile with it. Naturally, he is still crying and sad.
- Stage of adoption. It lasts about 6 months. Sadness is felt differently. It seems that she sometimes lets go of a person, but then comes again. The individual feels guilty for not being able to prevent the tragedy. There is anger at the deceased, who, as it were, abandoned, left his relatives. Such feelings, according to psychologists, are normal.
- Stage of pain reduction. It lasts about 12 months. A man accepts his loss completely. He makes plans for the future, makes new acquaintances.
- The experience of all stages. May last for a second year. Sometimes there is a return of grief, guilt, sadness. But these feelings are not so strong.
Main goals
How to put up with the death of a loved one? To overcome mental pain, it is necessary to go through several stages, which involve the active participation of a relative or friend of the deceased in his life. These tasks were highlighted by the psychologist J. William Vorden. These include:
- Recognition of loss. In order to get used to it, you need to give yourself time.
- An experience of grief.
- Reorganization of the environment and environment.
- The formation of a new perception of the deceased and the continuation of his own life without him.
The active role of a person in the process of acceptance of grief does not mean that you need to rely only on your own strength. If in the life of an individual there are relatives or friends who are ready to provide support, this circumstance contributes to the improvement of mental state.
Child loss
This problem is worth discussing separately.
Some parents soon after such a tragedy decide to give birth to a new baby, not giving themselves time to accept the loss. This indicates a denial of the irreversibility of the event. In such circumstances, Mom and Dad will subconsciously compare the newly born child with the recently deceased. Thus, they will not be able to build healthy relationships with the baby. Many people ask the question: “What if I can’t put up with the death of my son or daughter?” The birth of another child soon after losing the previous one is not the best way out of this situation. Psychologists recommend first to go through all stages of loss, to allow yourself to experience mental pain. Only then can you plan a new baby.
Mother's death
Such an event is very difficult. And no matter how old the son or daughter.
If you do not pay attention to overcoming all stages of grief, the consequences of the tragedy will haunt a person throughout his life. "How to put up with the death of mom?" - This question is asked by individuals of different ages. Reviews recommend the following:
- You need to give yourself a certain period of time to get used to the situation. Gradually, a person needs to return to everyday duties. After all, mother would hardly want her son or daughter's life to stop with her passing.
- It is important to try to preserve things and memories associated with a loved one. You can collect things, jewelry, photos into the box. Invite relatives and treat them with a meal that my mother loved to talk with them about her.
- It is important to devote enough time to your health, good nutrition, rest and sleep.
- Try to communicate with those who are able to provide support.
- Trying to distract yourself from sad thoughts. This will help walks, hobbies, housework.
Loss of spouse
Relationships in marriage are often difficult. However, there is a special connection between husband and wife, because they experience together joyful and sad events. They are engaged in raising common children, equip life in their home. And when the beloved spouse passes away, his companion feels emptiness and hopelessness.
How to put up with the death of her husband? This question worries all women who have experienced such a loss. Left alone, the wife begins to blame herself for the death of her beloved. She comes up with the idea that it was possible to change the course of events and prevent tragedy. In the first days after the death of her husband, this condition is natural. But we must move on to the next step. You need to learn how to live without a spouse. To make plans for the future, you need to give yourself time for tears and sadness. Only after a woman expresses her feelings in this way will she feel lighter. Children, relatives and friends are capable of surviving the loss. They can give warmth, love, care. Thus, the woman will be distracted from sad thoughts. Reviews are also advised to do charity work. It is important to find a favorite business that brings pleasure (painting, needlework, writing poetry, caring for pets).
When is a specialist consultation needed?
The question of how to come to terms with the death of a person is very complex. Not everyone manages to cope with this problem on their own.
Psychologists say that you need to be able to distinguish the experience of stages of grief from the manifestations of a depressed state. Pathology is characterized by the following symptoms:
- Constant thoughts of a hopeless life.
- Talk of death and suicide.
- Denial of the fact of loss of a loved one.
- Uncontrolled bouts of tears.
- Inhibition.
- Dramatic weight loss.
- Inability to solve everyday problems.
According to experts, a person with similar symptoms needs the help of a psychotherapist.
Conclusion
Many in the environment have a person who cannot reconcile with the death of a brother, sister, mom, dad or other relative. Sometimes it is difficult to find the right words to support loved ones in such a situation. Surviving the loss takes time to cry and be alone. But this does not mean that he does not need support.
Of course, one should not impose one’s presence. But a person should feel that family and friends are with him and are always ready to help.