We are used to focusing on colorful commercials in our lives. A happy family, loving parents, playful, but obedient kids. Patient mothers calmly explain to their sons and daughters how to behave. And, it would seem, the thought “I hate my children” could not even have crossed the mind of “real parents”. And although these are actually real feelings, we will push them out to the last without even admitting ourselves to them. “I hate my children,” sometimes a woman thinks in despair, “and no animal will offend offspring and will always protect him. How can I experience this? If I think so, then I’m not fit anywhere like a mother.” The strictest taboo - with all our openness and free morals - is still imposed on the image of family relations. Nevertheless, psychologists say: there is not a single mother who at least once has not experienced such a feeling in relation to her child.
Why is this happening and is it necessary to deal with it? To begin with, in public opinion, the "real mother" requires constant sacrifice. It is believed that she is obliged not only to satisfy all the needs and whims of her child, but also to serve her family, work, look good and be happy. And the mother often does not get enough sleep, lives in constant stress, is overloaded with responsibility, is physically exhausted. And at the same time, she is experiencing problems with her upbringing: grandmothers “carefully” suggest that she does everything wrong, then neighbors, then co-workers, and her own offspring are not at all interested in “conforming” to her ideas about how should be. The first thought that arises in a mother and scares her is “I hate my children.” In fact, most often the matter is completely different. This is not hate if you analyze the feeling more carefully. Mother does not wish evil to her children at all. But at a particular moment it seems to her that if they "disappeared" or were different, her problems would evaporate or resolve. She could sleep, do what she wants, relax, sit with her friends. I could buy something for myself, and not for the ever-demanding child, who is "always not enough."
If you’re more often visited by the thought “I hate my child,” what to do, to whom to turn? Calm down first. Your feelings are not a perversion. This is your reaction to stress. If you are looking for help and an answer to the question of why parents hate their children, then this is not the true reason for your emotions. By trying to cope with a problem, you prove that you really love your child. For hate you take irritation, fatigue, anger, despair, a feeling of helplessness. And the true reason is to look in yourself. What your needs do not find satisfaction? What settings make you demand too much from yourself? Why do you need to be an “ideal mother”? To be admired by neighbors and acquaintances, or to make children comfortable and safe? Very often, the alleged hatred of the offspring is actually disgust and contempt for oneself, low self-esteem, which inspires parents that they can not cope with their duties.
Do not be afraid to express your feelings in front of children. Very often, parents make a huge mistake by not admitting their true emotions. And the child finds himself in a difficult situation: he feels that his mother or father is angry, annoyed, he feels it subconsciously. But if they don’t talk directly about what kind of actions they don’t like, what made them angry, but rather, out of guilt for their negative emotions, try to “redeem” it with unnatural kindness, gifts, children learn that true feelings must be hidden that sincerity is unacceptable. Whereas the constant suppression and substitution of their emotions leads only to the neurotic development of the individual. Of course, it’s not about throwing out aggression for any reason and shouting to everyone: “I hate my children because they ...” But to say bluntly: “I’m angry because I don’t like this and that, it hurts me when you do this and that, "is much better and healthier for family relationships than insincerity and the suppression of negative emotions in any way.