When some kind of grief, trouble, or something bad happens at our relatives or acquaintances, we want to express our sympathy. Often we do not know how to do it right. How to choose the right words so that the expression of condolences does not hurt someone’s feelings and does not bring even more frustration to our interlocutor? We are particularly concerned about the question: how to express condolences to the person who lost someone close to him? It happens that we must report this bad news. How to do it right? How to help a person survive this tragedy?
Before you start talking, you should think carefully about your words so that the expression of condolences really carries some kind of comfort and encouragement to the suffering person. This will be easier to do if the words are written on paper, i.e. write a letter of condolences. In a calm environment, it is worthwhile to choose words of encouragement to a grieving person and offer practical help. It would be appropriate to mention in a letter of gratitude for some past good deeds or qualities of the deceased, if you were personally acquainted with him.
If you are required to constantly be with someone who is experiencing such a loss, what is it worth or not worth talking to this person? How to express condolences to the child in connection with the death of his loved ones - parents or grandfather, grandmother - those whom he loves so much? This will be discussed in the article.
If we tell the child the unpleasant news of the death of a loved one, how to express condolences in this case? Psychologists say that you can not deceive him or in any way hide the truth from him. This will not benefit the child. In no case can it be said that his deceased loved one is simply sleeping. Otherwise, the child may be afraid to fall asleep, and this will cause additional stress. There is no need to compose stories that God needs angels in heaven, or that this is his will - he took his mother (grandmother) to his heaven. Such reasoning can undermine the faith of a person, especially a child. He will consider God cruel and unjust. It is not necessary to force the child to approach the coffin with the body, if he is afraid. It is better to explain to him in detail the state of the deceased - he does not feel anything, does not think, does not see, does not hear. He is not hurt and not bad. This is death. So that the child is not afraid of the deceased, it is necessary to tell him that when a person dies, he can no longer do anything, can neither stand up nor speak. If the child is already old enough and understands a lot, it is worth telling him that a person acts and thinks only while his brain is alive. The deceased cannot influence the living in any way, so he need not be afraid. He can do nothing more.
Each person has his own individual reaction to everything that happens. Do not blame the grieving person for tears, or vice versa to persuade to cry. Even if a man cries, there is nothing shameful about it. These are the feelings! Fear, mistrust, disappointment and even anger at the person who died is a normal reaction. Do not rush things. There is no need to encourage a person to quickly “forget” his grief and lead a “normal” life. He has the right to his feelings! It is also not worth talking badly about the dead. Or say phrases such as, for example: “Well, finally, you are exhausted (exhausted)! Now at least you will breathe calmly! ” Believe me, these words do not encourage anyone. Whatever the deceased person was, he was close and beloved, and his loss causes sorrow, not joy.
How to express condolences in this case? Sometimes it’s not worth saying anything at all. You just need to be around. Silently sit, hold the hand, hug, let cry. Be prepared to help in practice, not in words. Do not ask about anything, do not say a duty phrase like: “Call if you need anything.” Better just be a friend! For real. In practice. Expression of condolences, words of sympathy and comfort should come not only from the mind, but first of all from the heart. And then the grieving person will feel your sincere care and desire to alleviate his pain.