The subtle world of human feelings and emotions in the Russian language is described by a huge number of words, terms, epithets and comparisons, magnificent metaphors. In such a variety, it is easy to get lost and begin to misinterpret some concepts. For example, you can often hear a call not to offend people, but what is an insult? How to determine in advance whether an act will be negative or a phrase spoken aloud? And what kind of feeling will they cause? Let's figure it out together.
Feelings and negative reactions
Negative emotions arise regardless of our desire, this is a property of human nature. However, experts argue that the first negative reaction of the baby becomes anger, and not at all insult. Children learn to be offended a little later, when they can already distinguish the nuances of mood. Already on the basis of the experience gained, the child can be explained that it is better not to offend other children, animals, mom and dad.
The danger lies in the fact that negative emotions often become both the subject of manipulation and weapons. Nobody likes when someone falls into sadness, melancholy and despondent because of him, feels anger or rage. Therefore, the threat of "I will take offense at you" becomes very effective. Moreover, one can often hear the demand “do not be offended” literally in an ultimatum form. This is another type of manipulation, literally a message: "Your negative emotions bring me discomfort and spoil my mood, I don’t care how you feel, stop upsetting my space and make a nice face."
The direct connection of resentment and injustice
If you openly evaluate feelings that arise from some unpleasant events, lack of material or emotional resources, you can draw a clear line. Resentment occurs if a person is unfairly deprived of something, underperformed, although promised, or in other similar cases. If this happened in fairness, then you can be upset, saddened, sad.
It is this meaning that is laid down in the phrase “do not offend with money,” that is, do not deprive, pay in full so as not to cause negative feelings. It turns out that the lack of justice with the lack of some resources determines whether the emerging sensation is considered an insult or is it another emotion, although similar in direction.
The opportunity to rectify the situation
Another criterion by which you can more accurately determine the nuances is the ability to somehow change the result. As a rule, a person feels an insult when, not only is it unfair, it’s impossible to correct anything else. If the situation can be reviewed, then a complaint or a reproach can be made - as a call to correct the result in favor of a more honest and correct one.
When someone calls “don’t hurt me,” it often means “don’t do me wrong, don’t deprive me.” The danger here lies in unexpressed expectations that the other person will show empathy, read minds or in some miraculous way accurately guess and act in full accordance with expectations.
Any successful coincidence of tastes and intentions is regarded as good will and a conscious act. Establishing such a relationship is easy, just get used to voicing your expectations. It should be borne in mind that the other person may have their own plans and intentions, and in most cases no one is obliged to adapt to other people's dreams.
How not to offend people?
Is there a universal rule that allows you to pass as a good person? We very often offend other people, with absolutely no malicious intent. There are several common misconceptions that can seriously harm your life.
First of all, this is an attempt to expose their subjective views as the only truth. "Nobody offends you that you pouted?" - and the girl is really upset at the same time, and it is unlikely she can do something about it if she is unfairly and irrevocably deprived of something, that is, you can’t fix it anymore.
On the other hand, experiencing negative feelings only because someone does not meet some speculative standards is everyone's personal business. But to put such responsibility on someone else's shoulders is, to put it mildly, ugly. In order not to become a chronic offender, you should remember the basic rule: do not do to another person what you do not want yourself. This is usually enough.
Personality quality: do not offend
Positive qualities that you want to see not only in other people, but also in yourself are kindness, responsiveness, generosity and attentiveness. At the same time, not being an offender is also very valuable, it maintains a healthy and upbeat mood in the circle of friends. If you feel insult when they do not get good unjustly and get bad, and this is incorrigible, then in disputed situations it is better to put yourself in the place of the interlocutor or partner. Ask yourself the question: “How would I react?” This helps to develop empathy and be more sensitive to friends and relatives. Do not offend each other, life is unfair.