The family, as a fully functional system of active interaction, cannot but face crises, conflicts and quarrels. After all, people strive to satisfy personal needs all their lives, but often do not take into account the interests of a partner.
Causes of Family Conflicts
1. At the heart of the value type of quarrel are the different interests of partners and patterns of education.
2. The positional conflict arises during the struggle for the place of the head of the family.
3. The sexual type is the result of intimate disharmony. To resolve it, you need the help of a doctor.
4. Emotional quarrels proceed against the background of an unmet need for positive emotions. Accompanied by a chronic lack of affection and understanding on the part of one of the family members. Such a conflict haunts those unions in which people simply do not care about each other.
5. Economic and economic coloring are conflicts in the family with a difficult financial situation. As a rule, spouses have different monthly budget allocation schemes.
Acute disagreements arising for the above reasons may proceed explicitly or implicitly. In the first case, people exchange verbal and physical insults. The hidden conflict is not realized by people, for some time it does not manifest itself in behavior at all.
Conflicts in the family, ways of their development
1. There is an aggravation of the situation, indicating destructive dynamics. The result is a divorce.
2. The conflict takes on a permanent form, remains unsolvable for a long time, even for many years.
3. A compromise solution to the situation.
A model of a couple’s relationship with each other
1. Rivalry is manifested by individuals who are prone to confrontation in a relationship. They prefer to resolve the conflict without meeting the aggravated needs of the partner. In the process of development of the situation, an accumulation of irritation is observed, turning into personal insults, threats, and in some cases, assault.
2. Cooperation implies that conflicts in the family are resolved taking into account the interests of all family members.
Resolving acute situations according to the method of Jan and Katherine Gottlieb
A positive outcome of the outcome of a quarrel depends on the observance of certain conditions:
- clarification of relationships occurs without the presence of children;
- the causes of conflicts in the family are formulated clearly with a specific indication of acute angles;
- simultaneously with the listing of their own negative feelings, a positive attitude towards the spouse is mentioned;
- each side is ready to calmly listen to comments on its behavior;
- the priorities of each family member are identified, common points of common need are found;
- leading questions are asked to make it easier for the spouse to outline the circle of her problems and feelings;
- if necessary, everyone is ready to wait until the uncontrolled emotions of the partner subside;
- counter proposals are put forward that are acceptable to the other side.
Conflicts in the family are solved according to the methodology of Ian and Katherine Gottlieb, taking into account the prohibited methods:
- Do not apologize before the partner realizes the fact of repentance;
- you can not translate the dialogue into a channel abstracted from the current dispute, sabotage the situation or defiantly remain silent;
- focus on the shortcomings of the intimate sphere;
- address issues related to another conflict, and not to negotiated;
- to hold a grudge, pretending to be your own consent with your opponent;
- explain the feelings of the interlocutor from their point of view;
- criticize another person's priorities;
- play on suspiciousness and insecurity.
With a radical solution to family conflicts, divorce is sooner or later inevitable. It should be remembered: in order not to bring yourself to nervous breakdowns during divorce proceedings, you need to be consistent. An unpleasant legal procedure is preceded first by an emotional divorce, manifested in alienation from each other, indifference, loss of trust and love. Then the couple go to the level of physical divorce, live separately for a long time. Only after living separately, it is recommended to proceed to the execution of legal documents confirming the right to create a new family.