The death of the father: how to survive, psychological assistance to the child, tips

The worst thing in the life of any person is the loss of his relatives, their death. They always leave unexpectedly, and it is impossible to be prepared for this. It is especially difficult when such a grief as the death of a father or husband falls upon a family. Then the woman is left alone with the children.

There are no people who can just let go of any of their relatives, family members or friends. Death is always a person’s suffering, tears and psychological experiences in the form of depression and other things. If adults can still, after a while, accept the loss, then this is not easy for children. This article will discuss how to survive the death of a father to a child, how to help him in this.

"This cannot be! I don't believe it!"

When the news of the sudden death of the father is reported to his relatives, the first thing they feel is the rejection of the situation, they think it is just a dream, and not a reality, that this could not happen to them.

Denial is a defensive reaction of a person, so he may not experience any emotions, not cry, because he is not aware of what is happening. It will take him some time to recover and accept the departure of his father. If adults first deny the fact of what happened, then what is happening in the soul of a child, they do not always know. Therefore, it is very important to help him not to withdraw into himself, and not to receive psychological trauma that will haunt him throughout his life.

Father's death for a child

If bad news is directly informed to adults, then not many people know how to explain to children that dad will never come home again, and most importantly, how to console them. About it further. After the death of the father, the child can behave differently. It is not always possible to understand how he feels. Some children start to cry, others ask a lot of questions, because they don’t know how dad will not be with him anymore, it also happens that they don’t say anything, and all emotions are manifested in behavior.

One can suspect that something was wrong with sudden and unreasonable changes in the child’s mood, if he had just been passionate about the game and seemed calm, then after a couple of minutes he would cry. Children experience loss for a very long time, so their behavior cannot be predicted.

As soon as the child has learned about the death of his father, it is very important not to leave him alone, to pay as much attention as possible and surround him with care. Young children should understand that, having lost their dad, they still have a mother. It is she who will protect them and love. He must constantly feel that there is one of the parents next to him.

The mother after the death of her father should show how much she loves her child, and that he should not be afraid of his tears about the loss. She will have to prepare for the fact that the children will begin to shower her with questions about the collapsed grief. A woman will have to be patient and answer the child, even the most difficult, absurd and painful ones. Such curiosity is not associated with indifference, but rather helps the son or daughter to understand what is happening and accept. Therefore, the conversation must take place, and leave or put it off is not worth it.

Aggression after death

If after the death of the father, the son stopped listening to his mother, behaves badly, shows aggression, then she will have to be patient. But in no case do not scold him. You can try to calmly talk with him.

It is important to understand that, having learned about death, the child himself begins to be afraid to die or to remain without a second parent, hence his aggressive behavior is manifested. It is very important to talk with him, to know his fears, and to calm him as delicately as possible.

In the event that, in addition to aggression, there is also a deterioration in health or deviations in normal behavior during the day, for example, the child quickly becomes tired, stops eating, abandons his favorite toys, skips school, this is a serious reason to consult a child psychologist for advice. Delay with a trip to the doctor is not worth it.

Sometimes a child can blame himself for the death of his father, because he once said something bad to him, such as “I do not love you” or “I wish I had another father” or similar phrases. In addition, children can understand the departure of one of the parents as their punishment for not fulfilling their requests, for not responding to comments, etc.

A child can feel guilty even because he cannot figure out his own emotions. Therefore, it is necessary to talk with children about their experiences and try to explain to them what this means and why it happened. It’s worth conducting the interview immediately after the funeral and a month or two later to make sure that he is able to survive the absence of one parent.

What to do? How to help a child?

It is important to carefully monitor your child, because the next six months the child after the death of his father may behave abnormally, because the experience has passed into the pathological stage. This can be confirmed by the presence of symptoms that do not go away for a long time. You should be wary if the child does not express any emotions for a long time, or vice versa, too clearly demonstrates them. Another sign is a refusal to go to school, or good grades are replaced by bad grades. The appearance of anger, tantrums, screams, fears and phobias is a good reason to go to a psychologist to treat the pathological stage of the child’s suffering after the loss of his father.

If the children do not want to talk about dad or can’t, lose interest in life, become self-absorbed, do not even communicate with friends, then an urgent medical help is needed.

The death of a father can drive a child into a long depression, he feels lonely, abandoned. Having survived such a loss in childhood, in the future it can affect the lives of children, their professional activities and the personality as a whole.

If the child perceived the father also as a friend, was proud of him, tried to imitate, then for him it would be a double blow and loss of life guidelines, there was no one to equal.

Cause and Day of Papa's Death

Of great importance is the cause of the death of the pope. When nothing foreshadowed his loss, he was not sick, then this is the hardest thing for the family, because the blow of fate happened unexpectedly. If a man committed suicide, then his loved ones will blame himself for everything and suffer in guesses why he did this to them.

A big imprint on the child’s consciousness is the fact that he witnessed death. The psyche suffers greatly from what he sees, and you can’t do without a doctor anymore, because he will constantly scroll through this memory in his memory or see in a dream, and wait for his father’s death day with fear. How hard it will be for a child to cope with his dad’s loss depends largely on his age, character and whether he has previously lost relatives or not.

How does a child under the age of five experience grief?

How does age affect the perception of father loss? How a child will accept loss depends on his age. How do kids, schoolchildren and teenagers experience grief? A child under 2 years old is not able to realize that there has been an irretrievable loss of one of the parents. But he can feel that his mother is in a bad mood, and other residents of the apartment do not smile at him as before. Feeling like this, the baby often begins to cry, scream and eats badly. Physically, this can manifest itself in poor stools and frequent urination.

A child aged 2 years old realizes that parents can be called if they are not nearby. The concept of death for him at this age is not conscious. But the fact that he calls dad, but he does not come, can cause him great concern. Mom should surround the baby with love and care, as well as provide him with proper nutrition and a good sleep, then it will be easier for him to cope with the loss.

Children aged 3 to 5 years already take their parents' absence more seriously, so they need to very gently explain that dad will no longer be with him. There is a high probability that such a child may have fears and phobias, he will often cry, complaints may appear about a headache or in the tummy. It is very important to communicate with the baby as much as possible, remember with him happy moments spent with dad, watch photos.

How do children survive in grief at 6-8 years old?

A child aged 6 to 8 years is a schoolboy who, in communication with peers, tells them about their parents. Therefore, it is important to help children be prepared for questions, but where is your dad? It is necessary to teach him to answer briefly, with one phrase, "He died." But how it happened is better not to tell others. A child can behave aggressively with peers and a teacher, so it is important to warn the teacher about what happened so that he looks after him.

Woe to a child 9 - 12 years old

Children from 9 to 12 years old want to be independent, do everything yourself. But the loss of their father instills a sense of helplessness in them. They have many questions, such as: “who will take him to school?”, “Who will go to football with him?” and the like. A son’s obsession may be that he is now the only man in the family and must take care of everyone. In this case, it is important to help him not to abandon his toys and childhood, passing to adulthood, and to remain carefree longer.

Woe to the teenager

The most difficult age for a child is, of course, adolescence. At this time, they are already very emotional and are going through a difficult period, and having lost their father, they are completely unsettled. A teenager begins to look for bad companies, secretly smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol, and even worse, he tries drugs. At this age, children hide their emotions from others, and are most often silent. But inside they are very worried, sometimes even reaching the attempt to commit suicide. It is important for a teenager to give due attention, care and love, so that he knows that he can always find support in his mother.

Little conclusion

Regardless of the age of the child, it will depend only on the remaining parent how he will survive the loss and what his life will be after the death of his father. The main thing is to surround children with care and love. We need to talk more often about their experiences, spend all their free time with them, and if any deviations in behavior or health are found, seek help from a doctor.