The crisis of middle age is experienced by both women and men. But for some reason, it is precisely the problems of the strong half of humanity that maximum attention is paid to. Indeed, men are very painfully experiencing this period and can not always leave without loss without outside help. When does a midlife crisis in men begin? How to recognize him in time and how to deal with him?
The main crisis periods in men
The middle-aged crisis after 40 years in men is perhaps the most significant, but not the only problem. In fact, throughout the life of the stronger sex, they go through several problem periods. Here are the main ones:
- 13-16 years old. This period is characterized by the desire to gain full independence and seem adult. A teenager behaves demonstratively and in conflict.
- 21-23 years old. This period is characterized by anxiety associated with the transition to adulthood. When graduating, a person is faced with responsibility, as well as a certain restriction of freedom (within the work schedule and financial opportunities). During this period, increased nervousness and panic attacks are noted.
- 30 years. In men, the midlife crisis in this period is just beginning or is already "raging" with full force. During this period, the first assessment of what has been achieved. Negative symptoms, as a rule, arise against the background of awareness of one's own unfulfillment and unjustified hopes.
- 35 years. During this period, a marriage crisis is often noted, associated with the fading of romantic feelings and a practical look at family relationships. Dissatisfaction with the appearance of the spouse, the behavior and achievements of children may appear.
- 40 years. The middle-aged crisis in men during this period is in full swing. Even if everything is good in the career and in the family, there will be other problems for deep depression. These may be unfulfilled dreams of youth. But most often the crisis is associated with health problems (and this applies not only to violations in the intimate sphere).
- 50 years. During this period, the man turns into a big child. He reacts very painfully to problems and ailments, needs support.
First symptoms
Representatives of the stronger sex, unlike women, rarely hide their problems and feelings from others. Therefore, when a man begins a midlife crisis, for sure this will not go unnoticed. Here are the first symptoms:
- A cardinal change in behavior. An active and cheerful person can become withdrawn. But a humble and quiet person can suddenly turn into a ringleader and the soul of the company.
- Changes in appearance. An ordinary guy can suddenly turn into a sleek dandy. And those who previously sought to look fashionable and elegant can change into a tracksuit or old shabby jeans.
- Neglect of work. Closer to the age of 40, a man begins to analyze his achievements. If he still walks in the rank-and-file employees, he may come to the disappointing conclusion that he will no longer have career prospects. For this reason, a man may miss work and even quit.
- Health problems. The midlife crisis is accompanied by severe nervous tension, against which chronic diseases can worsen or new problems form.
- Constant discontent. A man can make complaints about food, order in the house, the appearance of the spouse, the behavior of children and so on. Although before he was happy with everything.
- Self-pity. The slightest failure or malaise turns a man into a whiner, whose hands drop and all enthusiasm disappears.
- Adultery. A man wants both himself and others to prove his sexual viability, as a result of which a lover may appear (or maybe not one).
When does it occur and how long does it last
Middle-aged crisis in men - how old is it usually? This can happen between 30 and 50 years, when testosterone production decreases. Moreover, for successful men (we are talking about family and career), this period can pass almost imperceptibly (with the exception of problems of an intimate nature).
As for the duration, it is purely individual. It all depends on the internal characteristics (organism, willpower and character), as well as external factors (work, family, environment). As a rule, the crisis period lasts several months. But there are cases when it lasts up to 3-5 years.
The wife is to blame for everything, or What’s in the man’s head
A middle-aged crisis in men 30-40 years old is a natural process, due to physiological and psychological reasons. But it is difficult for the stronger sex to realize this. It is easier for them to survive crisis conditions, blaming others. Most often, a spouse falls under a hot hand. To understand how to act, you need to figure out what is in the man’s head. He thinks something like this:
- Slips in bed are the fault of the woman who launched herself and became completely unattractive.
- There is nothing to talk about with your spouse. In addition to household chores, clothes and cosmetics, she has no interests.
- Problems in the family are related to the fact that the wife does not show understanding.
- Unrealization - due to the consumer relationship of the spouse. Previously, a man worked to meet her needs, but now he wants to live for himself.
- The wife constantly spies on every step and limits freedom of action.
- Poor behavior and failure of children is the result of raising a spouse. After all, the man was constantly working, and he did not have time to deal with his children.
- It makes no sense to share your problems. The wife still does not understand anything.
In fact, these allegations are not always unfounded. Perhaps in these statements, some women will be able to recognize themselves and identify areas for self-improvement.
How to help a man overcome a crisis
In fact, the stronger sex is not so strong. This becomes especially noticeable over the years. A middle-aged crisis in a man will be easier if there is an understanding woman nearby who will support him in this difficult period. Here's what you need to do:
- Choose the right conversation topics. Try not to touch on the topics of work, health and, of course, the intimate sphere. Talk about something interesting and abstract from the main problem - about the news in the world, about scientific achievements and so on.
- Learn to listen to a man. Become a vest for him, in which he can cry. Sometimes a man needs to regret or give him practical advice.
- Come up with fun. Go out to people, meet friends, watch football together and so on. Your task is to distract the man from problems and gloomy thoughts to the maximum.
- Praise your spouse. Even in small things, even if he does something wrong, do not forget to tell him about his merits.
- Make bright plans for the future. This will give the man confidence that 40 years is not the end of his life, that there are still many interesting events ahead.
- Contact a specialist. Most likely, this will not seem to a man a good idea. Your task will be to convince him of the appropriateness of the treatment.
What can not be done
A middle-aged man’s crisis at the age of 40 is a problem not only for himself, but also for those around him. In particular, for the spouse. During this period, it is important to correctly build a line of behavior and avoid common mistakes:
- Do not run away from the problem. At this difficult moment, you should support and encourage your spouse, and not try to pretend that nothing is happening.
- Do not throw quarrels and tantrums. The house should have an atmosphere of calm and understanding. This will significantly reduce the risk that a man will find his "safe haven" on the side.
- Do not demand anything. During a crisis, a man can give little to his wife. Moreover, being unable to fulfill her demands, he may fall into an even deeper depression.
- Do not blame yourself. The crisis of middle age is what every man goes through (with one or another intensity of external manifestations). But the stronger sex tends to shift the blame for their failures on the second half. Do not give your spouse a reason to do the same.
Drug treatment
When a man begins a midlife crisis, it is important that the people around him react to this with attention and understanding. Sometimes the tension is so strong that you can not do without the help of specialists. The doctor may prescribe this treatment:
Antidepressants. They are aimed at overcoming anxiety and normalizing sleep.
Tranquilizers. Means that help stop attacks of aggression.
Mood stabilizers. They prevent sharp emotional changes, and also help to cope with a decadent mood.
Vitamins Vitamins of group B are especially important for the nervous system.
If it came to treason
The crisis of middle age in men after 40 years is often accompanied by a desire to assert themselves intimately. As a result, a lover (usually young) may appear. What should a spouse do in this case? Of course, it is difficult to reproach a woman for wanting to divorce after such a betrayal.
Nevertheless, if a woman decided, in spite of everything, to save her family, she needs to act wisely. Here are some tips to follow:
- Do not make scandals. This applies not only to domestic quarrels, but also attempts to deal with his mistress. Any aggression will be turned by the spouse against you. If you meet this situation with dignity and external calm, you will gain an advantage on the battlefield.
- Enlist the support of an ally. To this issue, you can connect the mother-in-law, sister or brother of the husband, a close friend of the family. Perhaps one of them will be able to convey to the man that his behavior is wrong, that he threatens the existence of his family.
- Learn about your mistress as much as possible. Thus, you will understand what attracted your husband to her.
- Release the situation. Do what you like, take care of yourself, often be outside the house - live as you want, trying to distract from the problem. Perhaps such your behavior will make a man think.
What are the consequences
What will happen to a man after a midlife crisis? In fact, subject to support from loved ones, as well as their own adequacy, representatives of the stronger sex emerge from depression with a positive attitude. After much and painful reflection, they realize the value of their family, as well as work. Instead of suffering from the unattainability of some lofty goals, a person begins to set real tasks, the implementation of which makes him happier.
But another scenario is possible for ending a middle-aged crisis in a man. At 40, he can decide to drastically change his life, leaving his family and hated job. Will these changes benefit the man? All individually. Someone really begins a new happy life, and someone, not getting what they want, falls into a new, deeper depression.
Recommendations for men
"The salvation of drowning is the work of the drowning themselves." This expression is also applicable to the problem of middle-aged crisis in men after 30 years. Indeed, if a person does not have an incentive and desire to return to normal life, neither the support of loved ones, nor medication will help him. Here are some tips men should follow in order to overcome the crisis period as quickly as possible and with minimal losses:
- Change something in your life. Perhaps the time has come to give up bad habits, enroll in a gym, and revise your style. It would also be nice to temporarily change the situation (go to visit relatives or on vacation).
- Stop regretting what you did not have time to do. Better direct your energy to try again to get what you want.
- Do not forget about your responsibility. You are the head of the family. Your crisis is not a good reason to take off from fulfilling your obligations to your near and dear ones.
- Stop comparing yourself to someone, and be proud of what you have achieved. Indeed, in addition to more successful people, there are many men who do not have even a tenth of what you have.
- Live in the present (and not regret about the past or fear of the future). Learn to enjoy the little things.
- Do not neglect the help of loved ones. They only wish you the best. In addition, they suffer from your condition no less than you yourself.
- Do not hesitate to consult a doctor. Only a qualified specialist will help to deal with problems in the head and in the intimate sphere.
Problem prevention
Many women with fear are waiting for the moment when a man has a midlife crisis. But all the negative manifestations - this is not a mandatory program. Sometimes a crisis is almost asymptomatic. This can be achieved as follows:
- Do not save resentment. Every conflict must be resolved and completely exhausted. Otherwise, problems will accumulate and will make themselves felt at some point.
- Warm the passion. Romantic feelings fade over the years. Your task is to constantly maintain this fire. Arrange romantic dinners, experiment in bed.
- Do not leave voids. When does a midlife crisis in men begin? This, as a rule, coincides with the moment when children grow up and leave the house, starting to live an independent life. To fill the resulting void, try to contact your grandchildren as much as possible. If the children have not yet pleased you with a replenishment, you may need to think about a pet.
- Change something constantly. It can be a repair in an apartment, a vacation abroad or some kind of major purchase.